personal statement for a promotion

Search Search Please fill out this field.
Career Planning
Finding a Job
Cover Letters

Cover Letters for a Promotion or Internal Position

What to Include in Your Cover Letter

Sample Cover Letter for Promotion
Email Job Promotion Letter

Applying for a Transfer

More about getting promoted.

When you're being considered for an internal position or a promotion, you may need to write a cover letter to officially apply for the new position within your company.

What should you write in a cover letter for a job at a company where you already work? What's the best way to frame your credentials to secure a promotion?

Here's everything you need to know about crafting the perfect cover letter for an internal role, along with sample letters and writing tips.

A job promotion cover letter should clearly explain your interest in the job and delineate how you are qualified for the position . The letter should also recap your experience and knowledge of your employer’s current mission and needs, as well as the progressive growth you have enjoyed within the company.

Don't presume the hiring manager or department manager reviewing your qualifications will know your background just because you work for the company.

Sharing the specific details of your history with the organization will help ensure your resume gets a closer look and that your qualifications get noticed.

This is especially true when applying for a position at a large company. Also, be prepared to discuss these qualifications during job interviews .

See below for a general cover letter for a job promotion, as well as an email cover letter written for a retail position.

Sample Cover Letter for a Promotion or Internal Position

This is a cover letter example for an internal position. Download the internal position cover letter template (compatible with Google Docs and Word Online), or see below for more examples.

Lewis Applicant 123 Main Street Anytown, CA 12345 555-555-5555 lewis.applicant@email.com

June 4, 2024

Julia Lee Director, Communications ACME Retail 123 Business Rd. Business City, NY 54321

Dear Ms. Lee,

I would like to formally apply for the Assistant Communications Manager position in the Corporate Communications Department. As you are aware, I have had extensive experience with Acme Retail starting when I participated in your summer editorial intern program while I was still in college.

Since then I have been advanced through progressively more responsible positions in both the Human Resources and Marketing Departments. During my tenure, I have developed exceptional writing and editing skills and have designed and implemented highly successful communication strategies at the departmental level.

I have also demonstrated my ability to work with leaders across business units and multiple lines of business, consistently earning exemplary scores on my annual performance evaluations by my supervisors.

In addition, I have been responsible for benefits communications and employee relations, as well as liaising with the company's clients and vendors to ensure all projects are completed by established milestones.

These are just a few examples of my accomplishments and contributions to our company. I hope you will find that this brief view, in combination with the attached resume, describes a dedicated employee of Acme Retail with the experience and skills to meet or exceed the requirements of the position of Assistant Communications Manager.

I appreciate your consideration and look forward to discussing this opportunity for promotion with you at your convenience. Please let me know if there is any other information I can provide that will support my candidacy for this promotion.

Best regards,

Signature (hard copy letter)

Lewis Applicant

Email Job Promotion Cover Letter

Here's an example of a letter or email message used to apply for a job promotion to a management position at a retail store:

Subject: Application for Manager - Shoe Department

Dear Janice,

It was with great interest that I read that Human Resources is seeking applications for a new Manager in the Shoe Department. Please accept my resume for review and consideration for this role.

I have been with Casey's for a total of four years, two in my current position of Assistant Manager in the Children's Department, and two as a Sales Associate in the Junior Department. Before coming to Casy's, I worked for Mears as a Sales Associate in the Shoe Department as well as in the Men's Department.

With my experience in varied departments, I feel I would be an asset as a Manager here at Casy's. In my capacity as an Assistant Manager, I successfully took on many of the managerial duties in the Children's Department last year when Suzy Smith was out on maternity leave, and I would welcome the opportunity to bring that same stability, energy, and dedication to the Shoe Department within the vacancy created by Amy Jenner's sudden departure.

I appreciate your consideration for this position. It has been a real pleasure to come to work every day since you hired me, and I thus look forward to continuing to grow in my career at Casy's.

Caroline Xao Assistant Manager, Shoes caroline.xo@caseys.com 555-555-1212

If you're seeking a transfer instead of a promotion, here's a transfer request letter example , a letter to use when you're relocating , and tips for requesting a transfer to a new job with your current employer.

When you're working on getting a promotion, it may take some effort to get noticed by management. There are ways you can enhance your promotability and lay a strong groundwork for a successful move up the career ladder.

Take the time to ensure you're in a perfect position to make the best impression at work and to get that promotion you're seeking .

Key Takeaways

Provide details. Remind your employer of your history with their company, contributions to their success, and dedication to their corporate mission and goals.

Be grateful. Express your appreciation for the opportunities the employer has given you to grow within your current job with them. This will also serve as a reminder to them that you have taken good advantage of the training and increased responsibilities they have offered you.

Enhance your promotability. From the moment you accept an entry-level position with an employer you respect, look for opportunities to gain the skills that will position you to assume promotions to roles of greater responsibility in the future.

SUGGESTED TOPICS
The Magazine
Newsletters
Managing Yourself
Managing Teams
Work-life Balance
The Big Idea
Data & Visuals
Reading Lists
Case Selections
HBR Learning
Topic Feeds
Account Settings
Email Preferences

How to Write a Strong Personal Statement

Ruth Gotian
Ushma S. Neill

A few adjustments can get your application noticed.

Whether applying for a summer internship, a professional development opportunity, such as a Fulbright, an executive MBA program, or a senior leadership development course, a personal statement threads the ideas of your CV, and is longer and has a different tone and purpose than a traditional cover letter. A few adjustments to your personal statement can get your application noticed by the reviewer.

Make sure you’re writing what they want to hear. Most organizations that offer a fellowship or internship are using the experience as a pipeline: It’s smart to spend 10 weeks and $15,000 on someone before committing five years and $300,000. Rarely are the organizations being charitable or altruistic, so align your stated goals with theirs
Know when to bury the lead, and when to get to the point. It’s hard to paint a picture and explain your motivations in 200 words, but if you have two pages, give the reader a story arc or ease into your point by setting the scene.
Recognize that the reviewer will be reading your statement subjectively, meaning you’re being assessed on unknowable criteria. Most people on evaluation committees are reading for whether or not you’re interesting. Stated differently, do they want to go out to dinner with you to hear more? Write it so that the person reading it wants to hear more.
Address the elephant in the room (if there is one). Maybe your grades weren’t great in core courses, or perhaps you’ve never worked in the field you’re applying to. Make sure to address the deficiency rather than hoping the reader ignores it because they won’t. A few sentences suffice. Deficiencies do not need to be the cornerstone of the application.

At multiple points in your life, you will need to take action to transition from where you are to where you want to be. This process is layered and time-consuming, and getting yourself to stand out among the masses is an arduous but not impossible task. Having a polished resume that explains what you’ve done is the common first step. But, when an application asks for it, a personal statement can add color and depth to your list of accomplishments. It moves you from a one-dimensional indistinguishable candidate to someone with drive, interest, and nuance.

Ruth Gotian is the chief learning officer and associate professor of education in anesthesiology at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City, and the author of The Success Factor and Financial Times Guide to Mentoring . She was named the #1 emerging management thinker by Thinkers50. You can access her free list of conversation starters and test your mentoring impact . RuthGotian
Ushma S. Neill is the Vice President, Scientific Education & Training at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City. She runs several summer internships and is involved with the NYC Marshall Scholar Selection Committee. ushmaneill

Partner Center

Making the Rounds

University of iowa department of internal medicine, the personal statement for promotion dossiers.

Hopefully you found some helpful tips for updating your CV after the last few posts, whether for promotion or just for general updating. For those faculty currently working on promotion materials, let’s take a look at the personal statement.

Peter Snyder, MD, associate dean for faculty affairs and development, advises that “the personal statement is the most important part of the promotion dossier. It should not just be a re-listing of items on your CV, but it should bring to life the things you are doing. Tell a story that indicates the importance and impact of your work.”

If you struggle to find the right words or need help just getting started, you can find examples of personal statements for promotion in the health care and bioresearch fields online. The Office of Faculty Affairs also provides de-identified statement samples for research and clinical faculty (both assistant to associate and associate to professor ).

If you do gather ideas from examples, be careful to rewrite your statement in your own words and voice. Use phrases and language that are familiar to you and sound like you. Do not copy and paste from another personal statement—it’s easier to recognize this than you might think.

My best advice for getting started is to first create an outline. Jot down the main areas that are required and specifics that you want to cover. You don’t even have to write full sentences at this point.

Once the outline is done and the structure of your statement is set, filling in details should be a little easier. Start with an introduction that discusses the foundation of your career, work, and interests, and how you have built upon that foundation.

Emphasize your activities and accomplishments in terms of how they have benefited your growth as a clinician and/or researcher, as well as what your work has contributed to your greater area of expertise and our own institutions.

Be sure to include recognitions of your work. Recognitions could include letters from your division or department executive, media coverage, or work that was highlighted at a conference.

Finish your statement with a summary of your accomplishments and your goals for the next few years. You’re not only highlighting what you have done, but what you plan to do next.

Finally, don’t forget the small details: spell out abbreviations and acronyms that are common in your field but may not be recognized by others; make sure your statement looks neat and clean, with consistent font, line spacing, and indentations; double-check that any names and titles are correct; and most importantly, have someone else read it over. A fresh pair of eyes may catch areas that need a bit of refining.

As always, if you would like assistance with your personal statement, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] .

Preparing Your Personal Statement

Be sure to view the Writing Your Personal Statement Video ( view presentation slides ). Learn how to compose and format your personal statement for promotion and tenure.

Personal Statement Guidelines

Consider your audience, which will include referees and P&T committee members who are scientists and physicians.
List the high level points you wish to convey. As you write, stay at a summary level and do not go into too much detail on any one point.
Consider starting with the most important part of your job and ending with a summary.
We encourage you to submit up to two pages.
Use active voice, which makes your writing stronger and more direct.

Sample Personal Statements

Access to SharePoint requires an Eservices password. If you do not know your password, reset it here by logging in with your UVA Health credentials.

The faculty listed below have given permission to the Office of Faculty Affairs and Development to share their personal statements. There are new personal statement requirements for 2023-24 that will not be reflected in the sample statements–ASPIRE Self-Evaluation and engagement with learners.

ASPIRE Self-Evaluation

Here is one example of an ASPIRE self-evaluation: “My adherence to the ASPIRE values is demonstrated in my commitment to equity. In my teaching activities, I prepare the presentations with attention to the use of inclusive, non-biased language, images, and interactions. I begin each session by stating my intent to be inclusive and unbiased, and I invite feedback during the session and in session evaluations regarding my performance relative to my goal. To date, all feedback has been positive and affirming of my work towards my goal.”

Engagement with Learners

Include a stand-alone description of your engagement with learners in your personal statement. Engagement with learners may take many forms, such as teaching, mentoring, hosting students in your lab, co-authoring posters/papers/abstracts, participating in a student interest group, designing curriculum, hiring a work-study student.

Tenure Eligible Tracks Tenure Ineligible Tracks

Committee on Women in Medicine and Science (COWIMS)
Annual Review Process, Forms and Resources
Faculty Personnel Actions
Academic Investigator
Clinician Educator
Clinician Investigator
Clinical Faculty
Instructional Faculty
Independent Research
Research Support
For Department Administrators
P&T Eligibility and Key Terms
Preparing for P&T – FAQs
Referee Requirements
UVA SOM Clinical Portfolio
UVA SOM Research Portfolio
UVA SOM Teaching Portfolio
Department P&T Resources
P&T Faculty Experts
Recently Promoted & Tenured Faculty
Faculty Life Cycle
Honors and Awards
Leadership Development Opportunities for Faculty
Policies & Governance
Professional Development

What are your chances of acceptance?

Calculate for all schools, your chance of acceptance.

Your chancing factors

Extracurriculars.

10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

Essay 1: Summer Program
Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
Essay 3: Why Medicine
Essay 4: Love of Writing
Essay 5: Starting a Fire
Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
Essay 9: Eritrea
Essay 10: Journaling
Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally.

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read.

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.” They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great.

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day?

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture.

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality.

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration.

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars.

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”. They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in.

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite.

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin.

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents.

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate, perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells. Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is. No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted dunes. No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother, her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes). It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time. You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells. I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero . I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic. “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.” Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential. Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader.

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay.

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

Cookies on Civil Service Careers Site

We use some essential cookies to make this service work.

We’d like to set additional cookies so we can remember your settings, understand how people use the service and make improvements.

You’ve accepted additional cookies. You can change your cookie settings at any time.

You’ve rejected additional cookies. You can change your cookie settings at any time.

The Civil Service

What is the Civil Service
Working for the Civil Service
Our Locations
Civil Service Networks

What do Civil Servants say?

Inderjit's life at DFE Inderjit Sanghera is a Change and Engagement Lead at DfE and Co-Chair of the BAME Network.
Alfonso's life in Cyber Security Alfonso Greenbrook is a former Level 4 Apprentice in Cyber Security Monitoring. He now works in Security and Data Protection in DWP.
Alison and Dave's life in HMRC Hear from Alison and Dave about what it's like to work within Customer Strategy & Tax Design in HMRC

Illustration of two people shaking hands

Early Careers

Apprenticeships
Care Leavers Internship Scheme
Civil Service Fast Stream
Summer Internship Programme

Experienced Hires

Executive Leadership
Contracting Opportunities
Evidence House

Supported Schemes

Prison Leaver Recruitment
Going Forward into Employment

illustration of 3 people walking up an arrow directed towards the centre of a target board

Applying for a Job

About the application process

How to write your CV

How to write your personal statement.

Civil Service Behaviours
Assessments and Interviews

Supporting your Application

Great Place to Work for Veterans
Disability Confident Scheme

illustration of a group of colleagues sat around a table, items such as message bubbles, clocks, calendars and location pins float above heir heads

Find opportunities that work for you...

Interested in knowing what apprenticeships are available?

Share your feedback, help us improve this site

Your personal statement

The purpose of a personal statement is to showcase your relevant skills and experience against the job requirements. The statement is your opportunity to give examples of how you fit the requirements of the job. When writing a personal statement it is important that you:

Read the job specification so you are clear about the job requirements.
Outline the skills and experience that you have that are relevant to the job and use examples to help demonstrate this. Wherever possible include specific facts and figures that demonstrate the tangible results of your work.
Keep to the word limit. If your statement is too brief it will not provide the required depth of detail and evidence to be assessed fully.
Proofread your statement before submitting it to make sure it is clear, easy to read and relevant.

How we recruit

A man writing on a pad of paper, whilst looking at his laptop

For some jobs, you will be asked to provide a CV (curriculum vitae) as part of your application. Here you can find information on how to write the best CV.

The Civil Service Behaviours are one element of the Success Profile. These are the things that people do that result in effective performance. Read more about why we use Behaviours to assess you here.

A woman interviewing another woman. The woman being interviewed has her back to the camera.

Assessments and interviews

The recruitment process, and what evidence is asked for, varies depending on the job you are applying for. Here you can read about the different stages of recruitment.

Two women sitting by a desk talking and laughing

Success Profiles guides

GOV.UK hosts a huge amount of detailed guidance on the different elements of Success Profiles.

Personal Statements

Guidelines for tenure track, clinical scholar, and clinical series.

Length of the Document : Overall, length will depend on the candidate’s experience and the position for which he or she is being considered. Generally these statements should be two-to-five single-spaced pages in length. Those that are less than two pages are often deemed as lacking substance or not demonstrating that the candidate comprehends the value or importance of an academic appointment at the KSOM. A succinct document rather than a more conversational one, however, will be appreciated by the readers.
Content: The writer should describe goals and plans for demonstrating excellence in scholarship, teaching (didactic, laboratory, and bedside), school and university service, and, if relevant, patient care or service. The document should also highlight features of a candidate’s professional training and experience that will facilitate his or her achieving the stated goals and plans. This should not simply repeat information available in the candidate’s curriculum vitae.
Scholarship : To insure that the FAPTC (and/or UCAPT and Provost, for Tenure Track and Clinical Scholar) are able to interpret outside letters of recommendation and scientific achievements appropriately, the candidate should succinctly summarize a) an overview of their field for a general biology audience, b) the ongoing questions, challenges and/or controversies in the field, c) the overarching goal or theme of his or her scholarly work, including how different directions of the work may be related, d) the novel approaches that the candidate has developed or applied to the field, and c) how their research findings have impacted the field.
Teaching and mentoring: It is expected that the goal for all faculty members is to provide excellence in teaching and mentoring for students, residents, and/or fellows, and, for more senior faculty, junior faculty colleagues. The candidate should summarize their accomplishments in these areas, and discuss their particular area of teaching/mentoring emphasis. They should present specific examples of how they have advanced the trainee/mentee experience in their area of emphasis, and how they have developed as a teacher and mentor. If the candidate is developing or improving educational programs (e.g., for medical students or residents, graduate students, special focus journal clubs, initiating new courses, implementing new teaching methods), these should be described.
Service: The candidate should provide an explanation of how he or she will contribute to the service and direction of programs important to the Keck School of Medicine. This can include outside professional activities such as service to scientific and professional organizations, federal programs (NIH, NSF, CDC, DOD, DOE, etc.), and editorial responsibilities.
Patient Care: A candidate with clinical responsibilities should provide an explanation of how he or she plans to provide the highest level of patient care and plans to develop or improve existing clinical programs at the KSOM.

Guidelines for Clinician Educator, Practitioner, and Research Track

Clinician-Educator Series: Candidates for appointment or promotion to advanced rank on the Clinician-Educator Series should provide a personal statement that focuses on teaching/education/mentoring (Section VII. B. 4, above) and clinical care (Section VII.B. 6, above). Minor sections of the personal statement can provide brief information about university service activities, and any research the candidate wishes to provide, but it is not required that these be elaborate or lengthy. Any activities supporting research, however, such as mentoring a medical student in an RSP project, or enrolling patients in research studies such as clinical trials should be succinctly presented. Leadership activities should be discussed more thoroughly for promotion to the rank of Professor. The length of the document should be no longer than 2-3 single-spaced pages, and the document should not simply reiterate information that can be ascertained from the CV.
Practitioner Series: Candidates for appointment or promotion to advanced rank on the Practitioner Series should provide a personal statement that focuses on their role in clinical care (Section VII.B. 6, above). Any activities supporting research, however, such as mentoring a medical student in an RSP project, or enrolling patients in clinical trials should be presented. Information about mentoring activities for trainees, colleagues, students, or the community should be presented in this statement as well. Sections of the personal statement can provide succinct information about university service activities, any research the candidate wishes to provide, but it is not required that these be elaborate or lengthy. Any activities supporting research, however, such as mentoring a medical student in an RSP project, or enrolling patients in research studies such as clinical trials should be succinctly presented. Leadership activities should be discussed more thoroughly for promotion to the rank of Professor. The length of the document should be no longer than 2-3 single-spaced pages, and the document should not simply reiterate information that can be ascertained from the CV.
Research Series: Candidates for appointment or promotion at advanced rank on the research series should provide a personal statement that focuses on their research and scholarship as described in Section VII. B. 3 above. In addition, a candidate on this series should clearly state whether they would wish to be considered as an “Independent researcher” or a “Critical member of a research team” as described in detail in Section IV. A. Additional information about mentoring activities for research team members, and service should also be succinctly discussed. Leadership activities should be discussed more thoroughly for promotion to the rank of Professor. The length of the document should be no longer than 2-3 single-spaced pages, and the document should not simply reiterate information that can be ascertained from the CV.

Faculty Development section navigation

Personal statements, overall advice.

This is where the evaluators get to know your unique story as a coherent narrative – align this to the promotion track you have chosen and your main strengths
Review examples from previous submissions to get a feeling for structure
Attend workshops organized by the School of Medicine to help prepare your packet
Emphasize your strongest attributes based on your promotion track and accomplishments
Sell yourself without sounding arrogant
Have your Personal Statement reviewed for feedback by your mentor(s) and then by the chair of the faculty development committee before submitting them for your final packet.
Reviewers – with relevant expertise
Non-Neurology faculty (medical faculty outside your specialty, faculty throughout the institution, Board of Trustees)
Statement cannot be highly technical. It must be pleasant read, understandable by a broad audience, while being sophisticated.

Organization

5 pages maximum
Discuss briefly your background
Cover each promotion area – scholarship, teaching, service
Start with greatest area of distinction
Address work at the departmental, SOM, university, local, national, and international levels
If a weakness, contextualize it

Opportunity to

Tell your professional story – coherent narrative
Highlight most meaningful accomplishments
Extract from CV what is most important
Differentiate self from mentor(s)
Be creative about how you frame information
Explain where things overlap
Address future directions in your career

Background (very brief, paragraph)

Who you are – job description
Why on particular track (if relevant – e.g., track switch)
How you got where you are – career trajectory
Life style changes that might explain a lag

Scholarship

Summarize research interests
Set self up in the field you are in
Focus on a few research topics
Discuss impact of your work, how it shifted the field, and how it is unique/different
Convey ways work has reached out
Address number and quality of publications and mention key papers and journal
Note funding success for research (federal, private)
Note media recognition
See NIH document on Team Science
Your unique role in team science, as a Co-Investigator
Link future with present

Teaching (Most important for Clinical and MEST tracks)

Where are you teaching
Who learners are
Philosophy of teaching (covered more in Teaching Portfolio)
Courses taught institutionally, locally, nationally, internationally
Courses organized
Supervision
Dissertation and thesis committees
Lectures given locally
Lectures given at another university
Lectures given nationally and internationally
Comments on your evaluations
Unique service roles and responsibilities
Leadership roles – department, SOM, institution, locally, nationally, internationally
Clinical service
Infrastructure service
Running a service core
Committee membership and role
Manuscript reviewing, editorial boards, special issues, and editing
Study section responsibilities (ad hoc, member)
Organization of meetings
Organization of symposia
Teaching administration (though could go under service)
Collaborations
Consulting (e.g., for nonprofit organization)
Talks/presentations/panel discussions
Health fairs and science fairs
Media – public education
Serving on boards
Coordinating community activities

Improving The Care of Critically Ill Patients: Lessons Learned from The Promotion of Essential Emergency and Critical Care In Tanzania: A Qualitative Study

Find this author on Google Scholar
Find this author on PubMed
Search for this author on this site
ORCID record for Aneth Charles Kaliza
For correspondence: [email protected]
Info/History
Preview PDF

Objective To describe the lessons learned during the promotion of a new approach to the care of critically ill patients in Tanzania - Essential Emergency and Critical Care (EECC)

Design A descriptive qualitative study using thematic analysis of structured interviews

Setting and Participants The study was conducted in Tanzania, involving eleven policy makers, researchers and senior clinicians who participated in the promotion of EECC in the country.

Results The five thematic lessons that emerged from the promotion of EECC in Tanzania were: (i) ensure early and close collaboration with the government and stakeholders; (ii) conduct research and utilize evidence; (iii) prioritize advocacy and address misconceptions about EECC; (iv) leverage events and embed activities in other health system interventions and (v) employ a multifaceted implementation strategy.

Conclusion The results from this study show the efficacy of a holistic, comprehensive approach in promoting EECC as each strategy reinforces the others. This approach led the to the successful promotion of EECC and the development of a National Strategic Plan for EECC by the government of Tanzania.

Article Summary Strengths and Limitations of this study:

High credibility of findings due to the in-depth qualitative data collection process and the inclusion of diverse participants, which continued until data saturation was reached.

Mitigation of personal biases by iterative sharing of findings with participants and key stakeholders

The purposeful selection of participants may have missed some stakeholders with alternative viewpoints and experiences.

We were unable to transcribe the interviews, instead, a codebook and audio recordings were used for cross-referencing which may have led some relevant information being missed.

Competing Interest Statement

The authors have declared no competing interest.

Funding Statement

This work was supported by the Welcome Trust [221571/Z/20/Z], as part of the Innovation in low-and middle-income countries Flagship.

Author Declarations

I confirm all relevant ethical guidelines have been followed, and any necessary IRB and/or ethics committee approvals have been obtained.

The details of the IRB/oversight body that provided approval or exemption for the research described are given below:

The study was granted ethical approval from the Tanzanian National Institute for Medical Research (NIMR/HQ/R.8a/Vol.IX/3537).

I confirm that all necessary patient/participant consent has been obtained and the appropriate institutional forms have been archived, and that any patient/participant/sample identifiers included were not known to anyone (e.g., hospital staff, patients or participants themselves) outside the research group so cannot be used to identify individuals.

I understand that all clinical trials and any other prospective interventional studies must be registered with an ICMJE-approved registry, such as ClinicalTrials.gov. I confirm that any such study reported in the manuscript has been registered and the trial registration ID is provided (note: if posting a prospective study registered retrospectively, please provide a statement in the trial ID field explaining why the study was not registered in advance).

I have followed all appropriate research reporting guidelines, such as any relevant EQUATOR Network research reporting checklist(s) and other pertinent material, if applicable.

lindasozy{at}gmail.com

carlottos{at}hotmail.com

karimakhalid{at}yahoo.com

hendry_sawe{at}yahoo.com

elibarikimkumbo{at}gmail.com

akigombola{at}gmail.com

imwandalima{at}unicef.org

kojogare{at}gmail.com

said.kilindimo{at}gmail.com

elugazia{at}gmail.com

masumaj{at}who.int

tim.baker{at}ki.se

Funding Statement: This work was supported by the Welcome Trust [221571/Z/20/Z], as part of the ‘Innovation in low-and middle-income countries’ Flagship.

Competing interest: The authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.

Data statement: As the qualitative data is not possible to anonymize and we lack ethical approval for public data sharing, the data cannot be made available publicly. Researchers requesting access to the data can contact the corresponding author.

Data Availability

As the project lacks ethical approval for public data sharing, we are unable to provide access to the data used in this study.

View the discussion thread.

Thank you for your interest in spreading the word about medRxiv.

NOTE: Your email address is requested solely to identify you as the sender of this article.

Citation Manager Formats

EndNote (tagged)
EndNote 8 (xml)
RefWorks Tagged
Ref Manager
Tweet Widget
Facebook Like
Google Plus One

Subject Area

Health Systems and Quality Improvement
Addiction Medicine (325)
Allergy and Immunology (633)
Anesthesia (168)
Cardiovascular Medicine (2408)
Dentistry and Oral Medicine (290)
Dermatology (207)
Emergency Medicine (382)
Endocrinology (including Diabetes Mellitus and Metabolic Disease) (854)
Epidemiology (11807)
Forensic Medicine (10)
Gastroenterology (705)
Genetic and Genomic Medicine (3776)
Geriatric Medicine (350)
Health Economics (637)
Health Informatics (2411)
Health Policy (940)
Health Systems and Quality Improvement (905)
Hematology (343)
HIV/AIDS (788)
Infectious Diseases (except HIV/AIDS) (13350)
Intensive Care and Critical Care Medicine (769)
Medical Education (370)
Medical Ethics (105)
Nephrology (402)
Neurology (3529)
Nursing (199)
Nutrition (529)
Obstetrics and Gynecology (682)
Occupational and Environmental Health (670)
Oncology (1836)
Ophthalmology (540)
Orthopedics (222)
Otolaryngology (287)
Pain Medicine (234)
Palliative Medicine (67)
Pathology (448)
Pediatrics (1040)
Pharmacology and Therapeutics (426)
Primary Care Research (424)
Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology (3200)
Public and Global Health (6190)
Radiology and Imaging (1294)
Rehabilitation Medicine and Physical Therapy (751)
Respiratory Medicine (832)
Rheumatology (380)
Sexual and Reproductive Health (375)
Sports Medicine (324)
Surgery (407)
Toxicology (50)
Transplantation (173)
Urology (147)

IMAGES

9+ Employee Promotion Letters
Promotion Congratulations Letter
Kostenloses Recommendation Letter for Job Promotion
50 Job Promotion Letters (100% Free Templates) ᐅ TemplateLab
50 Job Promotion Letters (100% Free Templates) ᐅ TemplateLab
18+ Staff Promotion Templates

VIDEO

Personal Statement for CBC Spouses Education Scholarship
HOW TO WRITE PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR PGCE|M AHMAD NAZEER
Personal Statement Speech
HOW TO WRITE PERSONAL STATEMENT: UNIVERSITY ADMISSION GUIDE
What is Statement Of Purpose and Personal Statement??
How To Write Personalize Personal Statement or Statement of Purpose using ChatGPT & Gemini

COMMENTS

Cover Letters for a Promotion or Internal Position
Alison Doyle. Updated on May 9, 2024. In This Article. What to Include in Your Cover Letter. Sample Cover Letter for Promotion. Email Job Promotion Letter. Applying for a Transfer. More About Getting Promoted. Photo: PeopleImages.com / Getty Images.
16 Winning Personal Statement Examples (And Why They Work)
Here are 16 personal statement examples—both school and career—to help you create your own: 1. Personal statement example for graduate school. A personal statement for graduate school differs greatly from one to further your professional career. It is usually an essay, rather than a brief paragraph. Here is an example of a personal ...
9 winning personal statement examples for a job
Here are some examples of personal and professional statements: 1. Personal statement for a postgraduate programme. Joan David Personal statement for master's programme in Public Policy and Administration London School of Policy 'I held my first textbook when I was a 23-year-old undergraduate.
How To Write a Good Personal Statement (With Examples)
Include information that describes more about you than the details in your transcript. 5. Identify your plans for the future. Part of your personal statement can include future goals and ambitions. Explain what can happen if you gain acceptance to the university of your choice or you receive the job you want.
How To Write an Internal Promotion Resume Objective
Identify your reasons for applying for the promotion and include these in your resume objective. 2. Ask about the position. When there's an internal opening in the company you work for, it may be beneficial to ask the hiring HR representative about the position. This can help you learn more about the qualifications and expectations associated ...
How to Write a Resume Personal Statement (6 Tips + Examples)
A resume personal statement should include: Between 50 and 200 words in 3 - 4 sentences. Your title or function, for example "Junior developer" or "Passionate hospitality manager". An opening hook. Soft skills and hard skills. Impressive facts and stats. Your short and/or long-term goals.
How to Write a Strong Personal Statement
Write it so that the person reading it wants to hear more. Address the elephant in the room (if there is one). Maybe your grades weren't great in core courses, or perhaps you've never worked ...
Personal Statements: Examples, Do's and Don'ts
Personal statement do's. Tailor your personal statement - utilise the job description to help you highlight exactly what the employer is looking for, highlight the skills and experience it calls for. The job description is the blueprint to your personal statement for that role, so try and signpost your abilities from the exact things the employer is looking for.
How to Write Your Personal Statement
A personal statement is a short essay of around 500-1,000 words, in which you tell a compelling story about who you are, what drives you, and why you're applying. To write a successful personal statement for a graduate school application, don't just summarize your experience; instead, craft a focused narrative in your own voice. Aim to ...
The Personal Statement for Promotion Dossiers
Peter Snyder, MD, associate dean for faculty affairs and development, advises that "the personal statement is the most important part of the promotion dossier. It should not just be a re-listing of items on your CV, but it should bring to life the things you are doing. Tell a story that indicates the importance and impact of your work.".
How to write a personal statement for a job
A personal statement for a job should be concise and to the point, ideally around 150 words or 2-3 sentences. Keep it brief while highlighting your key skills and experiences that are relevant to the role. Employers appreciate concise personal statements that efficiently convey your suitability for the job.
PDF Crafting a Personal statement
criteria for promotion • Can use bullet in personal statement • Provide a narrative and describe your impact that meets the Appendix B bullet • Remember audience • Explain things that might not be universally known (research terms, definition of scope of a national committee, etc.) • Define your abbreviations
How To Write an Attention-Grabbing Personal Statement
Generally, a small paragraph is enough in the body of your personal statement for an employer or recruiter. Related: 10 best skills to include on a CV. 6. Conclude your statement. End with a strong conclusion that summarises what you have already discussed and will leave a lasting impression on your reader.
How to Write a Letter of Intent When You Want a Job Promotion
Letter of intent for promotion example Use the following example to guide you when writing a formal letter of intent for promotion: Amy Jones 2323 Liberty Drive Orlando, FL 32789 555-555-5555 [email protected] January 7, 2020 Gary Smith WriteWell Publishing 2000 Penned Way Orlando, FL 32789 Dear Mr. Smith, My name is Amy Jones and I'd like to formally apply for the lead copywriter position in ...
How to Write a Personal Statement
Watch out for cliches like "making a difference," "broadening my horizons," or "the best thing that ever happened to me." 3. Stay focused. Try to avoid getting off-track or including tangents in your personal statement. Stay focused by writing a first draft and then re-reading what you've written.
Personal Statement
Be sure to view the Writing Your Personal Statement Video (view presentation slides).Learn how to compose and format your personal statement for promotion and tenure. Personal Statement Guidelines. Consider your audience, which will include referees and P&T committee members who are scientists and physicians.
PDF Writing Personal Statements for Faculty Evaluations1
April 26, 2010 (revised August 9, 2016) These guidelines are intended to help faculty members write personal statements that articulate their goals for teaching, research and original creative work, as well as the strategies they have used to achieve their goals. Personal statements prepared for promotion and tenure reviews and for Specialized ...
10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked
Personal Statement Examples. Essay 1: Summer Program. Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American. Essay 3: Why Medicine. Essay 4: Love of Writing. Essay 5: Starting a Fire. Essay 6: Dedicating a Track. Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders. Essay 8: Becoming a Coach.
How to write an excellent personal statement in 10 steps
Use your closing couple of lines to summarise the most important points in your statement. 9. Check your writing thoroughly and get someone else to check it, too. 10. Give your brain a rest by forgetting about your personal statement for a while before going back to review it one last time with fresh eyes.
How to write your PS
When writing a personal statement it is important that you: Read the job specification so you are clear about the job requirements. Outline the skills and experience that you have that are relevant to the job and use examples to help demonstrate this. Wherever possible include specific facts and figures that demonstrate the tangible results of ...
How to Write a Powerful Personal Statement
For a university application, discuss what parts of the program or school align with your passions. Your university introduction should be a full paragraph. 2. Expand on relevant skills, interests and experiences. The body of your personal statement lets you share more about your relevant skills, interests and experiences.
Personal Statements
Clinician-Educator Series: Candidates for appointment or promotion to advanced rank on the Clinician-Educator Series should provide a personal statement that focuses on teaching/education/mentoring (Section VII. B. 4, above) and clinical care (Section VII.B. 6, above). Minor sections of the personal statement can provide brief information about ...
Personal Statements
Emphasize your strongest attributes based on your promotion track and accomplishments. Engage in graceful self-promotion. Sell yourself without sounding arrogant. Have your Personal Statement reviewed for feedback by your mentor (s) and then by the chair of the faculty development committee before submitting them for your final packet.
Improving The Care of Critically Ill Patients: Lessons Learned from The
Objective: To describe the lessons learned during the promotion of a new approach to the care of critically ill patients - Essential Emergency and Critical Care (EECC) - in Tanzania Design: A descriptive qualitative study using thematic analysis of structured interviews Setting and Participants: The study was conducted in Dar es Salaam and Dodoma regions in Tanzania, involving eleven policy ...