friendship psychology essay

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The Power of Friendship: Understanding the Importance of Strong Bonds

Friendship is a fundamental aspect of human life that enriches our everyday experiences. Having close friends can help us prevent loneliness or isolation and provide us with supportive companions as we work toward living purposeful lives. However, finding friends can sometimes be challenging, especially as we grow older and our lives become busier.

Studies have shown that having friendships can have numerous health benefits. For example, having close friends during adolescent and teenage years can promote reduced stress and anxiety levels. Friendships can also help us make lifestyle changes that can directly impact our well-being, such as setting and maintaining goals to eat better and exercise more.

In this article, we will explore the importance of friendship and how it can enrich our lives and improve our health. We will discuss how to meet new friends, cultivate close relationships, and cope with challenges and stress. Join us as we dive into the many benefits of friendship and learn how to strengthen our social connections.

The Essence of Friendship

As social beings, we all crave meaningful relationships with others. One of the most important relationships we can have is friendship. It is a bond that goes beyond having someone to hang out with or talk to. Friendship provides emotional support, helps us grow as individuals, and adds joy to our lives.

At the heart of friendship is trust. We trust our friends to be there for us when we need them, to keep our secrets, and to support us through thick and thin. This trust is built over time through shared experiences, vulnerability, and mutual respect.

Friendship also allows us to be ourselves. We can share our thoughts, feelings, and opinions without fear of judgment. This authenticity helps us grow and learn from each other, making us better individuals.

In addition to emotional support, friends can also have a positive impact on our physical health. Studies have shown that having a strong social support system can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and even boost our immune system.

But, like any relationship, friendship requires effort. We must be willing to invest time and energy into our friendships, to be there for our friends when they need us, and to communicate openly and honestly.

The Role of Friendship in Personal Development

Friendship plays a crucial role in personal development. It helps us grow emotionally, boosts our self-esteem, and supports us. In this section, we will discuss how friendship contributes to personal development.

Boosting Self-Esteem

Having friends who support and encourage us can significantly impact our self-esteem . When we have people who believe in us, it can help us believe in ourselves. Friends can help us see our strengths and remind us of our value when feeling down.

Moreover, when we have friends who accept us for who we are, we can develop a sense of self-acceptance. We don’t have to pretend to be someone we’re not to fit in. This can help us feel more confident and comfortable in our skin.

Emotional Growth

Friendship can also contribute to our emotional growth. When we have close friends, we have people we can confide in and share our feelings with. This can help us develop emotional intelligence and empathy, as we learn to understand and relate to others.

Furthermore, when friends challenge us and push us outside our comfort zones, we can grow and develop in new ways. They can help us see things from different perspectives and encourage us to take risks and try new things.

Friendship is an essential component of personal development. It can help us boost our self-esteem, develop emotional intelligence, and provide us with a support system. Having friends who believe in us and accept us for who we are can significantly impact our growth and well-being.

Friendship and Mental Health

Friendship is not only crucial for our social life, but it also has a significant impact on our mental health. Having close friends can provide us with emotional support, reduce stress levels, and combat loneliness. This section will explore how friendship can positively affect our mental health.

Stress Relief

Stress is a common issue that most of us face in our daily lives. However, having close friends can help us manage and reduce stress levels. According to a study, having friends can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. When we have someone to talk to and share our problems with, we feel less burdened, and it helps us cope with stress more effectively.

Moreover, having a support system of friends can help us deal with stressful situations. They can provide us with a different perspective, offer advice, and help us find solutions to our problems. These factors can help us manage our stress levels and improve our mental health.

Combating Loneliness

Loneliness is a significant issue that can negatively impact our mental health. However, having close friends can help combat loneliness and improve our well-being . Friends provide us with a sense of belonging and purpose, which can boost our happiness and reduce our stress levels.

Moreover, having friends can help us build our self-confidence and self-worth. When we have people who value us and appreciate us for who we are, it can help us feel more confident and positive about ourselves. This, in turn, can positively impact our mental health.

Having close friends can significantly impact our mental health. Friends can provide us with emotional support, reduce stress levels, combat loneliness, and improve our overall well-being. Therefore, it is essential to prioritize our friendships and nurture them regularly to reap the mental health benefits they provide.

Friendship and Physical Health

We all know that having friends is essential for our emotional well-being, but did you know that it can also positively impact our physical health? Research has shown that strong social connections can lead to various health benefits, from reducing stress levels to improving our immune system.

One study found that individuals with a more extensive social network were less likely to develop illnesses like heart disease, stroke, and even the common cold. This is because social support can help reduce stress levels, which can lead to lower blood pressure and a healthier heart.

In addition, having friends can also encourage us to engage in healthy behaviors. For example, we may be more likely to exercise regularly if we have a friend who enjoys working out with us. We may also be more likely to eat a healthy diet if our friends share our interest in healthy eating.

On the other hand, social isolation and loneliness can adversely affect our physical health. Studies have shown that socially isolated individuals are more likely to have a weakened immune system, higher levels of inflammation, and an increased risk of developing chronic illnesses.

So, what can we do to reap the physical health benefits of friendship? Here are a few tips:

• Make time for social activities: Whether it’s joining a club or group, volunteering, or simply making plans with friends, it’s essential to prioritize social activities in our lives.
• Cultivate new friendships: It’s always possible to make new friends! Consider joining a new group or class to meet new people.
• Nurture existing friendships: Remember to try to maintain the friendships you already have. Make regular catch-ups or phone calls, and show your friends you care about them.

The benefits of having friends extend far beyond our emotional well-being. By prioritizing social connections, we can improve our physical health and well-being.

The Impact of Friendship on Society

Friendship is not only important for individuals but also for society as a whole. Our social connections are crucial in shaping our communities and promoting a sense of belonging. This section will explore how friendship impacts society and discuss two sub-sections: Promoting Unity and Spreading Empathy.

Promoting Unity

Friendship can promote unity by bringing people from different backgrounds and cultures together. When we form friendships with people who are different from us, we develop a better understanding of their perspectives and experiences. This can help break down barriers and reduce prejudice and discrimination.

For example, a study by the University of California found that college students with diverse friend groups were more likely to engage in activities promoting diversity and social justice. Friendships help create a more inclusive and equitable society by fostering unity.

Spreading Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. We develop a greater sense of empathy towards others when we form close friendships. This is because we are more likely to listen to and support our friends during difficult times.

By spreading empathy, friendships can help create a more compassionate society. For example, a study by the University of Michigan found that people who reported having close friendships were more likely to engage in prosocial behavior, such as volunteering and helping others.

Challenges in Maintaining Friendships

Maintaining friendships can be challenging at times. We may face conflicts, distance and time constraints, and other obstacles that can test the strength of our relationships. In this section, we will discuss some of the common challenges of maintaining friendships and offer some tips on overcoming them.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, including friendships. It can arise from differences in opinions, values, or behavior. When conflicts arise, it is essential to address them constructively and respectfully. Here are some tips on how to resolve conflicts in friendships:

• Listen actively: Listen to your friend’s perspective and try to understand their point of view.
• Communicate clearly: Express your thoughts and feelings clearly and concisely.
• Find common ground: Look for areas of agreement and focus on finding a solution that works for both parties.
• Apologize when necessary: If you have made a mistake, apologize and take responsibility for your actions.
• Seek outside help: If you cannot resolve the conflict on your own, consider seeking the help of a mediator or therapist.

Distance and Time

Distance and time constraints can also pose challenges in maintaining friendships. As we age, we may move away from our friends or become busy with work and family obligations. Here are some tips on how to stay connected with friends despite distance and time constraints:

• Schedule regular check-ins: Set aside time to catch up with your friend regularly, whether it’s through phone calls, video chats, or text messages.
• Plan visits: Make plans to visit your friend in person, whether for a weekend getaway or a quick coffee date.
• Find common interests: Look for activities or hobbies you and your friend can do together, even if you are in a different location.
• Be understanding: Recognize that your friend may have other obligations, and be patient if they cannot connect as often as you would like.

Maintaining friendships requires effort and commitment. By addressing conflicts constructively and finding ways to stay connected despite distance and time constraints, we can strengthen our relationships and enjoy the many benefits of having close friends.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the benefits of having good friends.

Having good friends can provide us with emotional support, reduce stress, and increase our sense of belonging. Friends can also challenge us to be better and help us celebrate our successes. They can provide us with a different perspective on life and help us grow as individuals.

How does having friends affect our mental health?

Having friends can have a positive impact on our mental health. It can reduce feelings of loneliness and depression, increase self-esteem, and provide us with a sense of purpose. Studies have shown that people with strong social support systems are less likely to experience mental health issues.

What are some ways to maintain friendships?

Maintaining friendships requires effort and communication. Some ways to maintain friendships include regularly checking in with friends, setting aside time to spend together, and being honest and open with each other. It’s also important to be supportive and understanding, and to respect each other’s boundaries.

What are the qualities of a good friend?

A good friend is someone who is trustworthy, supportive, and understanding. They listen without judgment and offer advice when needed. They are also respectful of boundaries and are willing to compromise. A good friend is someone who is dependable and can be counted on in both good times and bad.

How do friendships contribute to personal growth?

Friendships can help us grow as individuals by providing us with different perspectives and experiences. Friends can challenge us to step outside of our comfort zones and try new things. They can also provide us with emotional support when we are going through difficult times.

Why is it important to choose friends wisely?

Choosing friends wisely is important because the people we surround ourselves with can have a significant impact on our lives. Friends can influence our behavior, attitudes, and beliefs. It’s important to choose friends who share our values and goals, and who will support us in achieving them.

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Concepts and Theories of Friendship

• First Online: 28 September 2022

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• Hendrik Kempt 2  

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In this chapter, we discuss different approaches to the concept of friendships. We begin with the standard story of Aristotle’s virtue friendships as the standard philosophical story of friendships. However, we also acknowledge two alternatives, which are Alexander Nehama’s interpretation of friendships as a mainly aesthetic and non-moral endeavor, and the contemporary idea of a “chosen family”, in which strong family values are recreated in a safe setting. We discuss how the difficulties of telling the difference between a “bad friend” and “no friend” provide an objection to many theories of friendships. We also turn toward the theories of John Danaher, Alexis Elder, and Helen Ryland as proposals for human–machine friendships and discuss their merits.

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Kempt, H. (2022). Concepts and Theories of Friendship. In: Synthetic Friends. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-13631-3_5

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Friendship: The Vital Role it Plays in Our Lives

Friendship – it’s a simple word, yet it carries profound meaning. It’s a concept that’s been explored time and time again, weaving its way through countless narratives and shaping our lives in ways we often don’t fully comprehend. Just as the great philosopher Aristotle once said, “In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge.” This timeless wisdom holds an undeniable truth: friendships aren’t just nice to have; they’re necessary for our emotional wellbeing.

I’ve seen firsthand how meaningful connections can brighten even the darkest days. They provide comfort when I’m down, lend strength when I’m weak, and offer companionship when solitude becomes too overwhelming. But what exactly makes these bonds so special? Is there a secret recipe for building strong friendships?

Let me share my insights on the dynamics of friendship. We’ll delve into what defines a friend, explore the different types of friendships that exist, and discuss why these relationships play such a pivotal role in our lives. From shared interests to mutual respect – let’s uncover what ties us together in this intricate web of human interaction called friendship.

Understanding the Core Values of Friendship

Digging deep into the heart of friendship, it’s clear that certain core values are indispensable. These values form the sturdy foundation upon which long-lasting friendships are built.

Trust is first on my list. It forms the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship, including friendship. This isn’t just about trusting your friend not to spill your secrets—it extends to believing in their judgment and knowing they’d have your back when things get tough. For instance, according to a survey conducted by OnePoll, 76% of Americans said that trust was their number one factor in defining a good friend.

Next up is loyalty—a true friend sticks around through thick and thin. They’re there for you during life’s highs and lows, never wavering in their support or commitment. Anecdotal evidence suggests that friends who’ve weathered storms together often develop an unbreakable bond akin to family ties.

Mutual respect also makes its way onto this list. Every person has unique thoughts, feelings, and experiences—true friends recognize and value this individuality rather than trying to change or control it.

Let’s not forget about empathy—the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings from within their frame of reference. It goes beyond mere sympathy; an empathetic friend feels with you rather than just for you.

Lastly is honesty—one can’t underscore enough how important truthfulness is within a friendship. Constructive criticism delivered honestly can help us grow while deceit tends to erode trust over time.

Here’s a brief recap:

• Mutual Respect

These core values aren’t just nice-to-haves—they form the very fabric of what we call friendship.

The Power of Communication in Friendships

I’ve always believed that communication is the bridge to understanding. And when it comes to friendships, this couldn’t be more true. Think about it: How many times have you felt closer to a friend after a deep conversation? Or how often have we solved misunderstandings by simply talking things out?

Communication in friendships does more than just clear the air. It actually strengthens our connections and deepens our relationships. A study from Brigham Young University showed that friends who communicate effectively are 50% less likely to feel lonely.

Here’s a table with some key statistics:

This isn’t surprising considering communication allows us to express our feelings, thoughts, and experiences with one another. Sharing these aspects of ourselves can create strong bonds between friends.

But let me tell you something else – good communication isn’t just about speaking your mind, it’s also about listening actively. I’ve found that the best communicators are those who know when to talk and when to listen. A balanced conversation where both parties get an equal chance at expression is what makes for healthy friendships.

Now don’t get me wrong – this doesn’t mean every conversation has to be a heart-to-heart or intellectual debate! Even casual chats about hobbies or daily activities can reinforce your friendship over time.

In summary:

• Good communication clears misunderstandings.
• It strengthens bonds between friends.
• Effective communicators balance speaking and listening.
• Even casual conversations strengthen friendships.

Remember, every relationship is different so there’s no one-size-fits-all way of communicating . But by being open, attentive, and honest in our interactions, we’re sure making strides towards healthier and stronger friendships!

Cultivating Trust: The Backbone of Every Friendship

Let’s dive into the heart of what makes friendship tick – trust. It’s no secret that trust is a crucial ingredient in every meaningful relationship, including friendships. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.

Now, let’s talk numbers. A survey conducted by the American Psychological Association revealed that 70% of respondents considered trust as a fundamental element in successful friendships. This statistic underlines just how integral trust is when it comes to nurturing these relationships.

So how can you cultivate this essential element? Well, honesty plays an enormous role here. Being open and truthful with your friend creates a safe space where both parties feel comfortable expressing their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment or betrayal.

Another step towards building trust involves keeping promises. We’ve all been there – someone promises something but doesn’t follow through and it hurts, right? By making sure you keep your word, you’re showing respect for your friend and their time.

• Keeping Promises

Of course, actions speak louder than words too. You can say all the right things but if your actions don’t match up, then it’s only going to sow seeds of doubt in your friend’s mind. Remember:

• Words must match Actions

Finally, patience is necessary when cultivating trust in any relationship – be it friendship or otherwise. Building genuine trust takes time so don’t rush things!

In short, cultivating trust boils down to being honest, keeping promises, ensuring your actions align with your words and being patient throughout the process.

Friendship and Mental Health: A Deep Connection

Now, let’s delve into the profound connection between friendship and mental health. It’s a topic we often overlook, but it deserves our full attention. I’ll share with you some compelling examples, stats, and anecdotes that shed light on this deep bond.

First off, believe me when I say that friendships are not just about sharing laughs over coffee or having someone to call when your car breaks down. They have a far-reaching impact on our mental well-being. According to an Australian study conducted in 2008 involving around 1500 elderly individuals, those with a large circle of friends were less likely to suffer from depression.

Here’s a quick rundown of their findings:

The reason behind this is simple – we’re social creatures by nature. We thrive on interaction and connection. Friendships fulfill these fundamental needs, providing us comfort during tough times and making happy moments even more memorable.

But there’s more to it than emotional support alone. Having friends can also lead to healthier habits like regular exercise or balanced meals because nobody wants to hit the gym or try out that new salad recipe alone! Plus, they keep us accountable when we’re slacking off.

However, it’s important not only quantity but quality too matters in friendships for good mental health outcomes:

• Long-lasting friendships
• Genuine connections
• Mutual understanding
• Shared interests

So next time you catch up with your buddies for a weekend game night or just casually chat away during lunch breaks at work – remember you’re nurturing more than just camaraderie; you’re fostering your mental well-being too!

In essence, the relationship between friendship and mental health is one steeped in reciprocity and mutual growth. So let’s cherish those bonds – they mean more than we often realize!

Role of Empathy in Strengthening Friendships

Empathy, without a doubt, plays a significant role in solidifying friendships. It’s essentially the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When we’re empathetic, we can connect with our friends on a deeper level. This connection nurtures trust and closeness, forming bonds that can outlast any storm.

We’ve all been there – experiencing hard times when only a friend’s understanding could help us navigate through. Friends who demonstrate empathy tend to validate our experiences and emotions, making us feel seen and heard. A study by the University of Virginia found that individuals who show empathy towards their friends not only strengthen their bond but also contribute positively to them psychologically.

Just imagine having someone by your side who genuinely understands your struggles without judgement! That’s what empathy brings into friendships. Here are some ways it does so:

• Emotional Support : Empathetic friends provide emotional support during tough times.
• Understanding : They strive to truly understand your situation rather than just sympathizing.
• Validation : By acknowledging your feelings as real and valid, they make you feel valued.
• Non-judgmental Attitude : They accept you for who you are, irrespective of your flaws or mistakes.

It’s important to mention that empathy isn’t about solving problems but about understanding them. Sometimes, all we need is someone to say “I get it”. And this is precisely why empathy strengthens friendships – it allows us to be there for each other in meaningful ways even when we don’t have solutions or answers.

While anyone can learn how to be more empathetic, it requires effort and practice. To start with: listen actively, put yourself in their shoes and always respond with kindness – these are golden rules! Remember: being empathetic doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself; setting boundaries is key too!

In conclusion (though I won’t go overboard with it), there’s no friendship without empathy. It’s the glue that holds friendships together, creating a safe space for authenticity and deep connection. So let’s strive to be more empathetic friends because in the end, it’s these connections that make life truly worth living.

Challenges in Friendships and How to Overcome Them

Friendships are a beautiful part of life, but they’re not always smooth sailing. Even the strongest bonds face challenges that can put them to the test. It’s during these times that we find out what our friendships are truly made of.

A common issue I’ve found is miscommunication. We humans aren’t mind readers, and sometimes what we think is being said isn’t what our friend meant at all! Taking time to clarify misunderstandings can really save a friendship from unnecessary strain. Remember, it’s okay to say “I didn’t quite get that, can you explain it again?” Clarity is key in any form of communication.

Conflicts arise in friendships too, just like any relationship. What’s important here isn’t avoiding conflict altogether – because let me tell you, that’s impossible! – but learning how to handle disagreements maturely. Shouting matches won’t solve anything; calm discussions will. Listen more than you talk and aim for solutions rather than winning the argument.

Now let’s talk about change – it’s inevitable! Friends might move away or shift their focus towards new interests or people which may cause distance in your friendship. Does this mean the friendship ends? Absolutely not! Adapting to changes keeps friendships alive and thriving despite distances or differences.

Finally, there could be issues with trust or betrayal – some of the toughest hurdles in a friendship. Rebuilding trust takes time so patience becomes essential here along with open-hearted conversations about feelings and fears.

So even though challenges exist in friendships:

• Miscommunication can be resolved by clarifying things.
• Conflicts can become opportunities for growth when handled maturely.
• Change should be embraced for it makes us adaptable.
• Betrayal requires patience and sincere efforts from both sides to rebuild trust.

Remember: no challenge is insurmountable when handled with care, respect and understanding!

Nurturing Long-Lasting Friendships: Practical Steps

Friendship, it’s a beautiful thing but keeping friendships alive for long periods isn’t always a walk in the park. It takes effort, understanding, and a lot of patience. Here are some practical steps that can help nurture those precious bonds.

Step 1: Regular communication is key. I can’t emphasize enough how essential regular check-ins are in any relationship, especially friendships. This doesn’t mean you have to talk every single day – just catching up once or twice a week can make all the difference.

Step 2: Show genuine interest in your friends’ lives. Ask about their day, their interests, and what’s going on with them. This doesn’t mean prying into their personal affairs; it’s simply showing that you care about them as individuals.

Step 3: Be there during hard times. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own experiences with friendship, it’s that true friends stick by each other through thick and thin.

Let me share some insights from an interesting study conducted by Michigan State University that supports these points:

It’s worth noting that nurturing friendships isn’t just about following steps or ticking boxes off a checklist. It requires empathy and emotional investment as well. Remember to appreciate your friends for who they are and celebrate the differences that make each of you unique.

Finally, don’t forget to be patient — building long-lasting relationships takes time! So take these practical steps to heart as they’ll not only strengthen your existing ties but will also lay the groundwork for new ones down the line.

Conclusion: The Importance of Friendship

I’ve spent a lot of time discussing the intrinsic value of friendship and I hope by now, its importance is crystal clear. Friendships aren’t just enjoyable; they’re also immensely beneficial to our overall well-being.

They say in life we never lose friends, we only learn who our true ones are. It’s these connections that provide us with emotional support when times get tough. They give us shoulders to lean on, ears to listen, and hands to help us up when we fall. Friends also bring joy into our lives, creating memories that last a lifetime.

• Emotional Support
• Helps in Personal Growth
• Provides Joy and Happiness

As research suggests, having strong social ties can boost your immune system and help you live longer. In fact:

Friendship isn’t about whom you’ve known the longest or who came first. It’s about who walked into your life and said “I’m here for you” and proved it.

It’s not something scientific or tangible that can be measured on a scale but rather an emotion – a feeling which gives meaning to our existence. So let’s cherish these bonds because without them, life wouldn’t be as colorful or meaningful as it is.

Remember, friendships need nurturing like any other relationship. So take some time today to reach out to those people who make your world brighter – send them a text message or call them up just to let them know they matter.

In wrapping this all up, I’d like everyone reading this piece not only understand the importance of friendship but truly appreciate how priceless these relationships are in shaping our lives for the better.

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How to show your friends you love them, according to a friendship expert

Kavitha George

Sylvie Douglis

When psychologist and friendship expert Marisa Franco went through a rough breakup in 2015, she felt like she had no more love in her life. So Franco leaned on her friends for support. They did yoga, cooked and read together. As she and her friends grew closer, she realized they were a deep well of love, community and healing. And she began to understand the importance of non-romantic, non-family relationships.

Now, Franco wants to help others experience that profound level of friendship too. Her new book, Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends , which came out this month, offers insights on how to improve the quality of our platonic relationships using the latest research on human connection. She talks to Life Kit about how to deepen those bonds and find happiness and fulfillment in the process.

Marisa Franco, Ph.D. is a psychologist, friendship expert the author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends. Left: Darren Agboh/Right: G.P. Putnam's Sons hide caption

"It takes an entire community for us to feel whole," writes Franco in her book. Psychologists have long theorized that humans need meaningful social connections to survive. In fact, it's linked to our mental and physical wellbeing. Knowing that we have people to lean on and care for us makes us feel confident and assured.

And the stronger our relationships are, the more likely we are to thrive, she adds. So how do we intensify the existing friendships in our lives? Franco offers four tips, based on her research.

1. Shower them with (platonic) affection

We often think of affection as the sort of love we show in romantic relationships. But affection is more than holding hands and kissing. It's about communicating love and appreciation.

There are many ways you can show platonic love to your friends, says Franco. Tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them when you think of them in passing. Remind them you are grateful to know them. These simple acts provide a layer of security in the relationship. It shows your friends that you genuinely care for them and lets them know it's safe to invest in your friendship.

It might feel strange to show affection to a friend, she says, because unlike romantic relationships, platonic relationships often lack a script for explicit declarations of love. But research has shown that these displays of affection are much appreciated.

A 2018 study published in the journal Psychological Science asked people to write letters of gratitude to someone in their life and rate how they would be received. The participants consistently overestimated how awkward the recipient would feel and underestimated how happy it made them.

Want to be happier? Evidence-based tricks to get you there

However, cautions Franco, it's important to understand people's different levels of comfort when it comes to affection. Maybe one of your friends, for example, hates hugs but loves compliments. So talk to your friends and figure out their friendship love language, she says. Ask them: "How would you like me to show you that I really value you?"

2. Lavish them with your skills and talents

Being generous with your friends — sharing your time, attention or resources with them — is an easy way to nurture your friendships, says Franco. It's an expression of love that shows you want to invest more in the relationship.

"People want to be and stay friends with people who value them, and generosity is a way to express that," Franco says. And there's science that shows it pays off — a 2019 study in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that junior and high school students who exhibited traits like generosity and empathy were more likely to build deep, long-lasting friendships than students who didn't identify with those characteristics.

Franco suggests a personal approach. "Think about what your skills and talents are and find a way to turn that into a generous act," she says. For example, when she found out that her friends wanted to learn more about how to set up investment accounts, she used her research and analysis skills as a psychologist to put together a presentation on the topic for them.

4 tips to stay connected when your friends live far away

You can share acts of generosity like this with your friends, too. If you're great with kids, you might offer to babysit for your friends who are parents. If you're a gym rat, you could help your friend train for a race they have coming up. Or if you got a raise at work, treat your friends to a fancy dinner to celebrate.

3. Spill your struggles, joys ... and guilty pleasures

Think about how good it feels to tell a friend you secretly like a trashy TV show and hear them respond "me too!" We feel a deeper connection to our friends when our vulnerability is met with validation and support, says Franco. It means they accept us for who we really are, the good and the bad.

It can be scary to be open with our feelings. It can come with the risk of shame or rejection. But research has shown that people are a lot less likely to reject you for being vulnerable than you think.

A study published by the American Sociological Association asked strangers to disclose varying levels of intimate information with a group of women. The researchers found that the more open the strangers were, the more the women liked them. "When someone's vulnerable with you, it indicates they trust you," says Franco.

So don't be afraid to share your struggles with your friends, whether it's an ex you're having trouble getting over or a new job you're having second thoughts about. They're not going to judge you — and it may bring you closer.

If you're looking for a way to let your guard down without divulging your darkest secrets, Franco suggests sharing something positive, like a personal achievement — maybe you just finished sewing your first quilt, or you broke your own time record on a run.

4. Don't sweep your disagreements under the rug

It's hard to deal with conflict in friendships, says Franco. People often see them as something that's supposed to be fun and lighthearted, or less formal than romantic or family relationships, so they downplay problems when they arise, she adds.

But being able to deal with conflict with friends in a healthy, constructive way can strengthen your friendships, she says. It might be painful at first, but it shows you want to be authentic with them — and that you want to make your relationship better.

Friendships Change. Here's How To Deal

In fact, research has shown that conflict is "actually linked to deeper intimacy," says Franco. A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships asked 273 participants to share a time when they felt hurt or angry when someone mishandled their private information. Those who were able to work out the problem with the people involved said that it improved their relationships.

So if you have an issue with a friend, don't sweep it under the rug. Try talking about it. Here are some tips:

• Start by telling your friend how much you value them , says Franco. It signals that the reason you're bringing up the issue is because you're invested in the friendship. 
• Use "I" statements when explaining your concerns so your friend doesn't feel like you're blaming them. For example, if you've noticed they've been canceling plans at the last minute since they started a new job, you might say: "I feel hurt when you bail on our plans without giving me any notice."
• Ask your friend for a different behavior you want to see in the future. For example, "It would be great if you gave me a heads up a few hours in advance if you know you're not going to be able to make it." 

While conflict might be uncomfortable at first, Franco says it's something to embrace. "It allows us to illuminate each other on how to be better for each other, forever enhancing a friendship."

Your Turn: How do you show affection to your friends?

Tell us how you communicate love and appreciation to your friends. Email your response to [email protected] with the subject line "Affection" by Sept. 20, 2022 and include your name and location. We may feature it in a story on NPR.

The audio portion of this episode was produced by Sylvie Douglis. The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 , or email us at [email protected] .

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify , or sign up for our newsletter .

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Adult friendship and wellbeing: A systematic review with practical implications

Christos pezirkianidis.

1 Lab of Positive Psychology, Department of Psychology, Panteion University of Social and Political Sciences, Athens, Greece

Evangelia Galanaki

2 Lab of Psychology, Department of Primary Education, National and Kapodistrian University of Athens, Athens, Greece

Georgia Raftopoulou

Despina moraitou.

3 Lab of Psychology, Section of Cognitive and Experimental Psychology, Department of Psychology, Aristotle University of Thessaloniki, Thessaloniki, Greece

4 Lab of Neurodegenerative Diseases, Center for Interdisciplinary Research and Innovation (CIRI - AUTH), Balkan Center, Thessaloniki, Greece

Anastassios Stalikas

Associated data.

The raw data supporting the conclusions of this article will be made available by the authors, without undue reservation.

This study aimed to systematically review research findings regarding the relationship between adult friendship and wellbeing. A multidimensional scope for wellbeing and its components with the use of the PERMA theory was adopted. A total of 38 research articles published between 2000 and 2019 were reviewed. In general, adult friendship was found to predict or at least be positively correlated with wellbeing and its components. In particular, the results showed that friendship quality and socializing with friends predict wellbeing levels. In addition, number of friends, their reactions to their friend's attempts of capitalizing positive events, support of friend's autonomy, and efforts to maintain friendship are positively correlated with wellbeing. Efforts to maintain the friendship, friendship quality, personal sense of uniqueness, perceived mattering, satisfaction of basic psychological needs, and subjective vitality mediated this relationship. However, research findings highlighted several gaps and limitations of the existing literature on the relationship between adult friendship and wellbeing components. For example, for particular wellbeing components, findings were non-existent, sparse, contradictory, fragmentary, or for specific populations only. Implications of this review for planning and implementing positive friendship interventions in several contexts, such as school, work, counseling, and society, are discussed.

1. Introduction

1.1. adult friendship.

Adult friendship is conceptualized as a voluntary, reciprocal, informal, restriction-free, and usually long-lasting close relationship between two unique partners (Wrzus et al., 2017 ; Fehr and Harasymchuk, 2018 ).

Mendelson and Aboud ( 1999 ) defined six functional components of adult friendship that determine its quality. The first friendship function is stimulating companionship , which refers to joint participation in recreational and exciting activities (Fehr and Harasymchuk, 2018 ). Friends, unlike acquaintances, interact in a more relaxed and carefree way, use more informal language, make jokes, and tease each other (Fehr, 2000 ).

Existing research literature has mainly focused on the second function of friendship, namely help or social support (Wallace et al., 2019 ). Three forms of social support have been identified: (a) emotional support , which is conceptualized as acceptance, sympathy, affection, care, love, encouragement, and trust (Li et al., 2014 ); (b) instrumental support , which is defined as provision of financial assistance, material goods, services, or other kinds of help (Nguyen et al., 2016 ); and (c) informational support , which refers to provision of advice, guidance, and useful information (Wood et al., 2015 ).

The third function of adult friendship is emotional security , which refers mainly to the sense of safety offered by friends in new, unprecedented and threatening situations (Fehr and Harasymchuk, 2018 ). Research has shown that friends can significantly reduce their partners' stress caused by negative life events (Donnellan et al., 2017 ).

The fourth function of adult friendship is reliable alliance , which is defined as the constant availability and mutual expression of loyalty (Wrzus et al., 2017 ). At the core of reliable alliance lie the concepts of trust and loyalty (Miething et al., 2017 ).

Self-validation is the fifth function of adult friendship. It concerns the individuals' sense that their friends provide them with encouragement and confirmation, thus helping them to maintain a positive self-image (Fehr and Harasymchuk, 2018 ).

Finally, the sixth function of adult friendship is intimacy , which refers to self-disclosure procedures (e.g., the free and honest expression of personal thoughts and feelings; Fehr and Harasymchuk, 2018 ). It is necessary for both friends to reciprocally reveal “sensitive” information and react positively to the information that their partner discloses to them; in this way, feelings of trust can be developed and consolidated (Hall, 2011 ).

Adults differ significantly not only with regard to friendship quality, but also to the number of friends one has and the hierarchy of friendships (Demir, 2015 ). Most individuals maintain small networks of long-term and close friends (Wrzus et al., 2017 ). Empirical research shows that individuals report an average of three close friends (Christakis and Chalatsis, 2010 ). Also, individuals make fine distinctions between best, first closest friend, second closest friend, other close friendships, and casual friendships (Demir and Özdemir, 2010 ). These differentiations reflect the ratings of these friendships regarding several quality indicators (Demir et al., 2011b ). The present systematic review of the literature will cover multiple aspects of friendship as predictors of wellbeing, namely friendship quality indicators, number of friends, and friendship ratings.

1.2. The concept of wellbeing

Wellbeing is a central issue in the field of positive psychology (Heintzelman, 2018 ). It is a multifaceted construct (Forgeard et al., 2011 ) and there are several theoretical approaches of its components (Martela and Sheldon, 2019 ). We define wellbeing as a broad construct that involves the presence of indicators of positive psychological functioning, such as life satisfaction and meaning in life, and the absence of indicators of negative psychological functioning, e.g., negative emotions or psychological symptoms (Houben et al., 2015 ). This conceptualization captures both hedonic elements of wellbeing (Diener, 1984 ), that involve pleasure, enjoyment, satisfaction, comfort, and painlessness (Huta, 2016 ) and eudaimonic elements (Ryff, 1989 ), that include concepts like meaning, personal growth, excellence, and authenticity (Huta and Waterman, 2014 ). Our definition on wellbeing also involves the components of subjective wellbeing (Diener et al., 1999 ), psychological and social wellbeing (Ryff, 1989 ) and general wellbeing (Disabato et al., 2019 ). Finally, this definition encompasses the two different approaches on wellbeing, which are based on the mental illness model (Keyes, 2005 ) and on positive psychology principles (Seligman, 2011 ).

Several attempts have been made to synthesize the aforementioned models. In this systematic review of the literature, we used Seligman's ( 2011 ) PERMA theory to organize our findings. Seligman ( 2011 ) argued that individuals can flourish and thrive if they manage to establish the following five pillars of their lives: positive emotions (P), engaging in daily activities (E), positive relationships (R), a sense of meaning in life (M), and accomplishments (A).

According to the Broaden-and-Build theory (Fredrickson, 2001 ), when individuals experience positive emotions , their repertoire of thoughts and actions broaden (Fredrickson and Branigan, 2005 ). The broadening effect activates an upward spiral, resulting in the experience of new and deeper positive emotions (Fredrickson and Joiner, 2002 ). This, in turn, leads to building of resources, which last over time and act as a protective shield against adversity (Tugade and Fredrickson, 2004 ). Finally, experiencing positive emotions seems to undo the unpleasant effects of experiencing negative emotions (Fredrickson et al., 2000 ). All the above mechanisms facilitate the physical and psychological wellbeing of individuals (Kok et al., 2013 ).

Engagement describes a positive state of mind in which individuals are fully present psychologically and channel their interest, energy, and time into physical, cognitive, and emotional processes to achieve or create something (Butler and Kern, 2016 ). Engagement is substantially linked to the experience of flow , which is conceptualized as the psychological focus on an activity, accompanied by an experience of high intrinsic motivation and sense of control, and resulting in optimal functioning (Csikszentmihalyi, 2009 ). High levels of engagement are associated with various indices of wellbeing, such as increased levels of experiencing positive emotions and life satisfaction (Fritz and Avsec, 2007 ) and decreased levels of anxiety and depression over time (Innstrand et al., 2012 ).

Positive close relationships with family, friends and other significant people are also beneficial. They are found to be associated with emotional and instrumental support, intimacy, trust, increased sense of belonging and other protective indices of physical and psychological wellbeing (Carmichael et al., 2015 ; Mertika et al., 2020 ; Mitskidou et al., 2021 ).

Meaning in life reflects the individual's sense that life has coherence, purpose, and significance so that it is worth-living (Martela and Steger, 2016 ). Research findings show that the presence of meaning in life enhances wellbeing, because it entails high levels of positive emotions and life satisfaction as well as low levels of negative psychological and physical conditions (Pezirkianidis et al., 2016a , b , 2018 ; Galanakis et al., 2017 ).

Accomplishments in all domains of life are recognized and rewarded by society; this reinforces the individuals' desire to succeed (Nohria et al., 2008 ). However, accomplishments are not restricted to great achievements in life but also include the fulfillment of daily personal ambitions and the achievement of everyday goals. These minor accomplishments have been found to contribute to the wellbeing of individuals (Butler and Kern, 2016 ).

1.3. Associations between adult relationships and wellbeing components

Positive, supportive relationships predict higher physical and psychological wellbeing levels more than any other variable (Vaillant, 2012 ). In particular, integrating people into support networks provides them with the necessary resources to successfully deal with depression, anxiety, loneliness, alcohol overdose and many other physical and mental health difficulties (Christakis and Fowler, 2009 , 2013 ). In addition, the chances of individuals' happiness increase when they are associated with a happy person. Therefore, happiness seems to be transmitted through positive relationships (Fowler and Christakis, 2008 ).

Moreover, research findings show that perceived support from positive relationships is associated with experiencing more positive emotions (Kok et al., 2013 ), sense of calm and security (Kane et al., 2012 ), and presence of meaning in life (Hicks and King, 2009 ).

In particular, adult friendship is a valuable personal relationship (Demir, 2015 ), which contributes in various ways to individuals' wellbeing (Demir et al., 2007 ), and significantly fulfills the fundamental human need for social interaction and belonging (Lyubomirsky, 2008 ). The quality of adult friendship is related to wellbeing and the experiencing of positive emotions (Demir et al., 2007 ; Secor et al., 2017 ; Pezirkianidis, 2020 ). In addition, existing literature shows that a close adult friendship is related to personal achievement and engagement to projects, which promote meaning in life (Green et al., 2001 ; Koestner et al., 2012 ).

1.4. Gaps in the literature on the relationship between adult friendship and wellbeing

Even though the relationship between friendship and wellbeing has been extensively studied in children (e.g., Holder and Coleman, 2015 ), adolescents (e.g., Raboteg-Saric and Sakic, 2014 ), and the elderly (e.g., Park and Roh, 2013 ), it is not yet fully understood how the various elements of adult friendship are related to wellbeing. The main reason for this is that adulthood consists of many different life periods, from young to late adulthood, during which there are fluctuations in the network of friends and changes in friendship quality (Bowker, 2004 ).

In fact, most of the empirical research on the relationship between adult friendship and wellbeing focuses on the effect of adult friendship on one-dimensional indices of wellbeing, such as happiness or life satisfaction (Demir et al., 2007 ). It is worth-noting that research is mainly conducted with university student samples, which limits generalizability to older age groups (Demir, 2015 ).

1.5. The present study

This study aims to systematically review the research literature on the relationship between adult friendship and wellbeing as well as its components, in order to shed more light on the nature of this relationship and the mechanisms that underlie it. More specifically, we will review empirical studies which examined the relationship of quantitative and qualitative indices of adult friendship with wellbeing within the framework of PERMA theory (Seligman, 2011 ). Therefore, the relationship between adult friendship and overall wellbeing as well as each of its PERMA components will be studied.

Five research questions have been formulated: (a) Which adult friendship variables are mostly associated with wellbeing? (b) Which adult friendship variables predict wellbeing levels based on longitudinal studies? (c) Are there mediating and/or moderating variables in the association between adult friendship and wellbeing? (d) Are there individual differences on the associations between adult friendship and wellbeing? (e) Does adult friendship associate with specific components of wellbeing on the basis of PERMA theory?

2.1. Criteria of suitability/inclusion of bibliographic sources

We searched for sources reporting empirical research with quantitative and qualitative design using samples ranging in age from 18 to 65 years. Articles were published in scientific journals between 2000 and 2019, since we decided to exclude studies conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic, when the relationships with significant others were negatively affected. We included articles written in English and accompanied by a digital identifier (DOI). Book chapters, reviews and gray literature were excluded.

2.2. Search strategy, source selection and data extraction

We searched for resources in the following search engines: Google Scholar, PsycNET, and Scopus. The following algorithm was used to search for the literature sources: “friends” OR “friend” OR “friendship” OR “friendships” AND “wellbeing” OR “wellbeing” OR “psychological wellbeing” OR “psychological wellbeing” OR “happiness” OR “flourish” OR “flourishing” OR “psychological flourish” OR “psychological flourishing” OR “subjective wellbeing” OR “subjective wellbeing” OR “positive emotions” OR “positive emotion” OR “positive affect” OR “engagement” OR “flow” OR “psychological flow” OR “positive relationship” OR “positive relationships” OR “social support” OR “meaning” OR “meaning of life” OR “meaning in life” OR “life meaning” OR “life purpose” OR “purpose of life” OR “purpose in life” OR “achievement” OR “achievements” OR “accomplishment” OR “accomplishments” OR “performance” OR “success” AND “adult” OR “adults”.

The studies were initially selected by two independent evaluators on the basis of their abstract, title and keywords (phase 1). The evaluators were both psychologists and one of them is a researcher, experienced on systematic reviews. The total number of abstracts tested was 1,388. Any paper considered relevant at least by one of the two evaluators was eligible for full-text inspection. The agreement between the evaluators at the first phase was 78%. Thus, 203 articles were included for full-text evaluation (phase 2).

During the second phase of the evaluation process, we first checked the sources for duplication and fulfilling the inclusion criteria. The exclusion criteria were the same for both phases. As a result, we removed 33 duplicate documents, 10 articles that their full-text could not be found due to copyright, 22 articles that did not have a DOI, and one article not written in English. In addition, 13 studies were rejected because the sample's age was not within the set limits. Next, the two evaluators independently inspected the full-text of the remaining articles ( n = 131). As a result, 93 articles were excluded because their content was not relevant to the aims of the study. The agreement between the evaluators at this phase was 96%; if the decision was not unanimous after further discussion, it was excluded by the study. Thus, in total, 38 studies were eligible for the review (see Figure 1 ).

Flow diagram of search strategy and source selection.

From the selected 38 studies, two followed a qualitative design, nine were longitudinal, two had a mixed cross-sectional and experimental design and the rest of them were based on a cross-sectional design. Most of them ( n =28) used a sample of young adults, mainly university students (see Table 1 ).

Findings of the systematic literature review regarding the associations between adult friendship and wellbeing.

CS, cross-sectional; EXP, experimental; L, longitudinal; Q, qualitative. T1, first measurement; T2, second measurement. SI, single item. OR, odds ratio. Friendship variables (measures): FAS, friendship autonomy support; FM, friendship maintenance; FQ, friendship quality (MFQ-FF, McGill Friendship Questionnaire-Friendship Functions); FS, friendship satisfaction; NF, number of friends; PM, perceived mattering (MTOQ, Mattering To Others Questionnaire); PNS, psychological needs satisfaction; PRCA, perceived responses to capitalization attempts; SNS, social network size; SC-Fr, social contact with friends; SS-Fr, social support from friends (PSSS-Fr, Perceived Social Support Scale from Friends). Wellbeing indices (measures): A, accomplishments; E, engagement; H, happiness (SHS, Subjective Happiness Scale); M, meaning in life; LS, life satisfaction (SWLS, Satisfaction With Life Scale); PE, positive emotions (PANAS, Positive and Negative Affect Schedule); PWB, psychological wellbeing; R, positive relationships; SWB, subjective wellbeing; WB, wellbeing.

The selected studies were divided into six subgroups on the basis of the PERMA theory of wellbeing and with regard to the associations of friendship with (a) wellbeing, (b) experiencing positive emotions; (c) engagement; (d) building positive relationships; (e) meaning in life; and (f) accomplishments. Also, another analysis was conducted focusing on individual differences regarding the association of friendship variables with wellbeing components.

3.1. Associations between adult friendship and wellbeing

Twenty-six studies were found to investigate the association between adult friendship and wellbeing variables. The adult friendship variables studied were friendship quality, best or close friendships, number of friends, support from friends, maintenance of friendship, social interaction with friends and support of autonomy from friends. The wellbeing variables studied were subjective wellbeing, psychological wellbeing, happiness, and life satisfaction. The measures used to measure wellbeing variables were Subjective Happiness Scale ( n = 9 studies, Lyubomirsky and Lepper, 1999 ), Satisfaction With Life Scale ( n = 11, Diener et al., 1985 ), Positive and Negative Affect Schedule ( n = 9, Watson et al., 1988 ), other psychological wellbeing measures ( n = 5), and single items ( n = 3; see Table 1 ).

The results showed that friendship quality significantly associates with wellbeing (Demir and Weitekamp, 2007 ; Demir et al., 2007 , 2011a , b , 2012b , 2013a , b , 2017 ; Demir and Özdemir, 2010 ; Akin and Akin, 2015 ; Carmichael et al., 2015 ; Miething et al., 2016 ). In addition, it was found that friendship quality predicts wellbeing levels in the long run. More specifically, friendship quality at the age of 30 predicts wellbeing at the age of 50 (Carmichael et al., 2015 ). The friendship function, which has been found to mostly correlate with wellbeing levels is stimulating companionship (Demir et al., 2007 ).

Moreover, perceived emotional or instrumental support offered by friends has been found to significantly associate with wellbeing (Walen and Lachman, 2000 ; Griffin et al., 2006 ; Almquist et al., 2014 ; Morelli et al., 2015 ; Secor et al., 2017 ). An interesting finding is that peer support predicts both the provider's and the recipient's wellbeing levels (Morelli et al., 2015 ).

Regarding socializing with friends, that is, the amount of time individuals spend together, it was found that it also associates with wellbeing levels (Helliwell and Huang, 2013 ; Huxhold et al., 2013 ; Li and Kanazawa, 2016 ), while predicts wellbeing from 6 months to 12 years later (Derdikman-Eiron et al., 2013 ; Huxhold et al., 2013 ; Miething et al., 2016 ; Rubin et al., 2016 ). Moreover, friends' support of their partners' autonomy (Demir et al., 2011a ; Koestner et al., 2012 ; Ratelle et al., 2013 ), their reactions to partner's attempts of capitalizing positive experiences (Demir et al., 2013a , 2017 ), and efforts to maintain the friendship (Demir et al., 2011a ) were also found to be positively correlated with wellbeing levels.

Another friendship variable, which was found to be positively associated with wellbeing, is the number of friends (Cable et al., 2012 ; Helliwell and Huang, 2013 ). In particular, large and well-integrated friendship networks emerged as a source of wellbeing for adults (Cable et al., 2012 ). However, no significant associations were found between wellbeing and other friendship variables, such as same gender vs different gender as well as best or close friendships (Demir et al., 2007 , 2017 ).

Finally, six friendship variables were found to mediate the association between adult friendship and wellbeing. These variables are: maintenance of friendship (Demir et al., 2011a , 2019 ; Sanchez et al., 2018 ), perceived mattering (i.e., the psychological tendency to evaluate the self as significant to specific other people, according to Marshall, 2001 ; see also Demir et al., 2011b , 2012b ), personal sense of uniqueness (i.e., the tendency to recognize oneself as having distinctive features and to experience worthiness; Demir et al., 2013b ), friendship quality (Demir et al., 2012b , 2013a , 2017 ), satisfaction of basic psychological needs (Demir and Özdemir, 2010 ; Demir et al., 2017 ), and subjective vitality (i.e., the conscious experience of possessing energy and aliveness, according to Ryan and Frederick, 1997 ; see also Akin and Akin, 2015 ).

3.2. Association between adult friendship and PERMA components

3.2.1. associations between adult friendship and experiencing positive emotions.

Seven studies were identified investigating the relationship between adult friendship and experiencing positive emotions (see Table 1 ). Almost in all studies PANAS ( n = 6, Watson et al., 1988 ), was used to measure positive emotions. The results are contradictory regarding the relationship between friendship quality and experiencing of positive emotions. Demir et al. ( 2007 ) found no significant relationship, while Demir and Weitekamp ( 2007 ) found a low positive correlation. On the other hand, support from friends was found to positively associate with positive emotions among Americans and Jordanians but not Iranians (Walen and Lachman, 2000 ; Brannan et al., 2013 ) and predict positive emotions six years later among Germans (Huxhold et al., 2013 ).

Moreover, research showed that friends' reactions to their partner's attempts of capitalizing positive events, perceived mattering by the friend, psychological needs' satisfaction in friendship (Demir and Davidson, 2013 ), friend's efforts to maintain the friendship and friendship autonomy support (Demir et al., 2011a ) are positively correlated with experiencing of positive emotions. No mediators/moderators of the aforementioned relationships were examined.

3.2.2. Associations between adult friendship and engagement

Only one study was identified investigating the relationship between adult friendship variables and engagement in specific activities (see Table 1 ). In particular, it was found that the number of friends of secondary and high school students predicts engagement levels in community activities during young adulthood (Heck and Fowler, 2007 ).

3.2.3. Associations between adult friendship and building positive relationships

Thirteen studies were identified investigating the associations between adult friendship variables and building positive relationships (see Table 1 ). The results showed that friendship quality and satisfaction positively correlate to relationship supportive behaviors, the tendency to think oneself in terms of relationships with others (Morry and Kito, 2009 ) and social skills (Demir et al., 2012a ). Also, friendship network quality during late adolescence predicts friendship network quality of young adults (Miething et al., 2016 ). Moreover, friendship quality predicts received support during adversity and emotional-focused support (Chen et al., 2015 ).

Similarly, companionship with friends during adolescence predicts support from friends during adulthood (Derdikman-Eiron et al., 2013 ). Also, time spend with friends significantly correlates to higher levels of social support from others and lower levels of loneliness and social distress (Cyranowski et al., 2013 ). Furthermore, the existing literature reveals an explicit relationship between social support from friends and positive relationships with others (Secor et al., 2017 ). Taken together, these findings show that adult friendship is an indicator of a well-developed social life.

In addition, support of friends' autonomy is associated with improved quality of friendship after 3 months (Koestner et al., 2012 ). Individuals who seek support from their friends develop more solidarity-based relationships in their lives, with which they are more satisfied (Carr and Wilder, 2016 ). Also, received and perceived social support is stronger among geographically closer friends (Weiner and Hannum, 2013 ) and these friendship maintenance behaviors associate with higher levels of compassion for others (Sanchez et al., 2018 ). Young adults, especially, build positive, close, supportive and warm relationships if their friends have supported their social identity when they entered university (Weisz and Wood, 2005 ). Therefore, it is clear that adult friendship exerts a beneficial influence on the quality of concurrent as well as future relationships.

Finally, there is another interesting finding pointing at the mechanisms which lead to positive friendships. When individuals perceive their friends as generous as themselves in their relationship, they are likely to make efforts to maintain and promote the common bond by increasing support and self-disclosure levels in their friendship (Lemay and Clark, 2008 ).

3.2.4. Associations between adult friendship and meaning in life

Only one study was identified investigating the association between adult friendship variables and sense of meaning in life (see Table 1 ). In particular, it was found that social support from friends positively associates with purpose in life after negative life events (Secor et al., 2017 ).

3.2.5. Associations between adult friendship and accomplishments

Similarly, only one study found investigating the relationships between friendship variables and accomplishments (see Table 1 ). This study found that friendship autonomy support predicts increases in goal progress 3 months later (Koestner et al., 2012 ).

3.3. Individual differences on the relationship between adult friendship variables and wellbeing outcomes

Regarding gender differences, contradictory findings emerged for different friendship variables and their relationship with wellbeing indices. More specifically, perceived mattering by a friend was found to associate with experiencing of positive emotions only among women (Demir and Davidson, 2013 ), while in the relationship of wellbeing with friend's responses to capitalization attempts, friendship quality and friendship maintenance behaviors no gender differences were found (Demir et al., 2017 , 2019 ). Moreover, no differences were found based on friendship ratings, i.e., between the three closest friendships and their associations with wellbeing indices (Demir et al., 2007 ; Demir and Özdemir, 2010 ).

Concerning race, the few studies investigating racial differences focused on comparing Americans with samples from Arabic countries, e.g., Jordan, Malaysia, and Turkey. A few interesting findings focus on the role of support from friends and friendship quality on the wellbeing levels of different samples based on race. More specifically, friendship quality associates more strongly with support provision among European Americans than Japanese, and associates with higher levels of attentiveness and companionship among Asian Americans than European Americans (Chen et al., 2015 ). On the other hand, Demir and colleagues (Demir et al., 2012a , b ) found no racial differences on the relationship between friendship quality and wellbeing among Americans with Malaysians and Turkish. Among Americans, however, perceived mattering by a friend mediates the relationship of friendship quality and wellbeing, whilst among Turkish friendship quality mediates the relationship of perceived mattering with wellbeing (Demir et al., 2012b ). Also, as regards the relationship of satisfaction by the support from friends and wellbeing, no racial differences were found among black and white women (Griffin et al., 2006 ). Nevertheless, support from friend was found to associate with wellbeing in an American sample but not in Jordanian and Iranian samples (Brannan et al., 2013 ).

4. Discussion

The purpose of this study was to systematically review the literature regarding the relationship between adult friendship and wellbeing as well as its components. The existing literature was evaluated through the lens of the PERMA theory (Seligman, 2011 ), which recognizes five pillars of wellbeing: experiencing positive emotions, engagement, positive relationships, sense of meaning in life, and accomplishments.

The literature review showed that, in general, adult friendship is positively correlated with individuals' wellbeing as well as most of its components. It has been documented that friendship is a valuable personal relationship among adults (Demir, 2015 ), contributes in various ways to their wellbeing (Pezirkianidis, 2020 ), enhances their resilience (Mertika et al., 2020 ; Pezirkianidis, 2020 ), and fulfills the fundamental human need for social interaction (Lyubomirsky, 2008 ). However, the instruments used in the previous literature to measure and conceptualize wellbeing significantly vary, i.e., the researchers focus on emotional, psychological, cognitive or subjective aspects of wellbeing making it difficult to draw conclusions and understand the nature of friendships' influences on wellbeing. Also, for particular wellbeing components, the results of the literature review were non-existent, sparse, contradictory or fragmentary, and many were drawn from studies on specific populations.

Concerning the first research question, it was found that the adult friendship variables mostly related to wellbeing are quality of friendship, number of friends, attempts to maintain the friendship, socialization with friends, friends' reactions to partner's attempts to capitalize on positive events, and support from friends (instrumental, emotional or support of autonomy). These findings underlie the importance of studying both qualitative and quantitative dimensions of friendships (Demir and Urberg, 2004 ; Demir et al., 2007 ).

As for the second research question, results showed that among the above variables, quality of friendship and socialization with friends predict wellbeing based on longitudinal studies' results. The study of social networks underlines that people's happiness is related to their friends' happiness levels (Fowler and Christakis, 2008 ; Christakis and Fowler, 2009 ). Moreover, perceived support from friends, such as companionship, predicts high wellbeing levels more than any other variable (Chau et al., 2010 ; Forgeard et al., 2011 ).

In response to the third research question about possible mediators and moderators in the association between adult friendship variables and wellbeing, evidence for moderation was not found. However, six variables were found to mediate this relationship: efforts to maintain the friendship, friendship quality, personal sense of uniqueness, perceived mattering, satisfaction of basic psychological needs, and subjective vitality.

These mediators highlight the possible mechanisms which lead to higher levels of wellbeing. Specifically, when an individual perceives a friend as autonomy supportive, as well as active and constructive responder, friendship quality (e.g., intimacy, support, and trust; Demir et al., 2017 ) and perceived mattering increase (Demir et al., 2012b ). As a result of these positive friendship experiences, individuals satisfy their basic psychological needs (Demir and Özdemir, 2010 ), realize their unique attributes and create a positive self-image (Demir et al., 2013b ); therefore, they are likely to engage in maintenance behaviors in order to reinforce the resilience and continuity of the friendship (Demir et al., 2011a , 2019 ). This procedure is enhanced when the individual experiences high levels of energy and vitality (Akin and Akin, 2015 ). Despite the aforementioned findings, further research on mediating and possible moderating effects is clearly needed.

The fourth research question focused on individual differences regarding the associations between adult friendship and wellbeing. The present study found limited differences based on gender and friendship ratings. Previous studies showed significant gender differences concerning friendship functions, but it seems that friendships are equally important for males' and females' wellbeing and prosperity (Christakis and Chalatsis, 2010 ; Marion et al., 2013 ). However, significant racial differences were found between samples of completely different cultures, such as Americans and Arabs or Americans and Japanese. More studies needed to shed light on the racial differences between samples of other cultures as well.

The fifth research question focused on whether adult friendship variables can predict specific components of wellbeing on the basis of the PERMA theory (Seligman, 2011 ). Regarding adult friendship variables and experiencing positive emotions, it was found that friendship quality, support from friends, perceived mattering by friends and satisfaction of the basic psychological needs by a friend significantly and positively associate with experiencing positive emotions. These findings add to the existing knowledge that positive relationships are emotionally rich and a source of great joy for humans (Ryff, 2014 ). Studies on social networks have shown that positive emotions are “contagious” and are transmitted among friends (Hill et al., 2010 ; Coviello et al., 2014 ). Findings about social support show that when friends interact within a positive emotional atmosphere, their experience broadens and this, in turn, activates an upward spiral which evokes even more positive emotions. In this context, partners enrich their interpersonal resources, such as social support, trust, compassion, perceived positive social connections (Kok et al., 2013 ), and other friendship qualities that are beneficial for physical and mental health (Garland et al., 2010 ).

According to the PERMA theory, another nuclear component of wellbeing is building positive relationships. The findings of this literature review showed that adult friendship quality and socialization with friends are associated with higher levels of quality and perceived support on every relationship in individuals' lives. Adult friendship is associated with a developed social life, but also with better and more positive relationships. According to Fowler and Christakis ( 2008 ), integrating individuals in support networks provides them with the necessary resources to successfully deal with the adverse effects of loneliness. Support from friends, in particular, has been found to lead to higher levels of engagement and satisfaction from different types of relationships, such as romantic and familial ones (Rodrigues et al., 2017 ). Finally, Weisz and Wood ( 2005 ) pointed out that support and appraisal from friends increase satisfaction with friendship as well as its resilience.

Research findings on the relationship of adult friendship with the other three components of wellbeing are limited. Number of friends was found to be related with engagement to community activities, support from friends was found to associate with meaning in life and accomplishments. Relationships with others and the sense of belonging to a network of relationships are one of the main sources of meaning in people's lives (Sørensen et al., 2019 ; Zhang et al., 2019 ) and, thus, create a sense of direction in life and intrinsic motivation to set goals and achieve them (Chalofsky and Krishna, 2009 ; Weinstein et al., 2013 ).

4.1. Gaps and limitations of the existing literature

The research literature on the associations between adult friendship, wellbeing and its components is currently growing but is also characterized by gaps and limitations which need to be addressed.

First, existing literature focuses on the quality of friendship as a whole rather than on its specific characteristics and functions in relation to wellbeing. In addition, only a few studies used a longitudinal design or were conducted with pairs of friends. Existing longitudinal studies do not focus on the effects of friendship, but rather study it only secondarily and often with a single-item measure. To add more, research has focused on the relationship between adult friendship and one-dimensional wellbeing indices, such as happiness and life satisfaction. No attempt has been made to construct a comprehensive theoretical model in order to account for the effects of adult friendship variables on specific components of wellbeing. Furthermore, most studies have been conducted in university student samples, a fact that limits the generalizability of the results to different age groups. The above gaps regarding the association between adult friendship and wellbeing are in accordance with some previous attempts to map this research field (Demir, 2015 ). In conclusion, future studies should address all these gaps and limitations, not only in the general population but also in various population subgroups and cultural contexts.

4.2. Contribution and practical implications of this study

This literature review has clear clinical and social implications. Counselors, psychologists, coaches, social workers, and educators working in clinical, educational, or work settings could utilize the results of this study in order to design interventions for promoting adult friendships. For example, one of the main goals of positive education in childhood and adolescence is to develop skills for building high-quality friendships. Similar efforts could be made in the university context for promoting students' mental health (Bott et al., 2017 ). In the workplace, building positive relationships and new friendships between employees could be a priority and lead to higher job satisfaction, engagement and productivity (Donaldson et al., 2019 ). In addition, during counseling or psychotherapy sessions, mental health professionals could use the information provided by this literature review to enhance their clients' supportive environment, experiencing positive emotions and meaning in life and, consequently, strengthen their resilience (Rashid and Baddar, 2019 ). At the macro level, efforts to build positive friendships and supportive connections between individuals could lead to better and happier citizens, therefore to happier societies (Oishi, 2012 ).

4.3. Conclusions

This study presented a systematic review of research on how adult friendships contribute to wellbeing as well as its components. Although individuals could reap the benefits of friendship from other social sources as well, it became evident that friendship is a special type of relationship, with a unique contribution to wellbeing. As a result, friendships have survived through the years and, in our days, are considered as vital to psychological flourishing (Wrzus et al., 2017 ). As Anderson and Fowers ( 2020 ) have argued, the most significant contribution of friendship to peoples' lives is the initiation and acceleration of the processes from which wellbeing emerges.

Data availability statement

Author contributions.

CP designed the study, conducted the review and the analyses, and wrote the research article. EG wrote and revised the writing of the article. GR wrote parts of the research article. DM revised the writing of the article. AS supervised all stages of the research procedure. All authors contributed to the article and approved the submitted version.

Conflict of interest

The authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.

Publisher's note

All claims expressed in this article are solely those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of their affiliated organizations, or those of the publisher, the editors and the reviewers. Any product that may be evaluated in this article, or claim that may be made by its manufacturer, is not guaranteed or endorsed by the publisher.

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Childhood Friendship and Psychology Essay

Friend is a one who shares some common interests and close bonds with an individual. Friendship is a psychological need of every individual. Researchers have proved that young kids who have friends tend to have better physical and mental health as compared to those children who do not have any friends. In this paper, we shall compare and contrast the approaches to studying children friendship undertaken by Bigelow and La Gaipa and William Corsaro.

It has been observed that friendship gives moral sustainability in different ways such as emotional, substantial help, and cognitive direction. Many studies have been conducted using sample groups of young individuals in order to understand interpersonal link between them but very little assessment has been made in these studies regarding liking and disliking of friends 1 .

Bigelow and La Gaipa undertook a research to understand the cognitive bond and friendship by studying the interpersonal bond between young children belonging to a pre-school. Based on their research, they have founded a theory, according to which it is assumed that the children consider close relationship, appraisals, and sharing common interests as something very important to them and on the basis of these factors they tend to choose their friends.

However, this concept is still vague as the dimensions of liking and disliking are important and varied in every case or some other external factors also play their part in liking or disliking decisions 2 .

William Corsaro, a well-known sociologist who has specialized in the ethnography of childrens culture, presented his perceptions about childrens friendship in both theoretical and methodological manner. Additionally, William explained that the information about liking or disliking peer is not enough to find out about the real behaviour of children towards their any particular friend, no can judge the involvement of an individual in his or her peer on the basis of liking or disliking factor.

He has used more traditional research tools in order to find out all pros and cons of childrens cognitive bonding, behaviour, and peer influence on their personal and social lives. Bigelow and La Gaipa study tends to form an understanding of the common dimensions and factors responsible for every kids friendship at pre-school, but William Corsaro did not agree with this idea that same age group kids tend to show similar behaviour towards their bonds with peers 3 .

He observed the diversified behaviour in children based on Piagets work who evaluated young individuals’ behaviour by giving them a chance to pour liquid in the container and he observed that these kids do not have sense of measuring volume as every kid poured liquid in different proportions in the same container. Similarly, William pointed out the fact that every kid is different from others and he or she perceives things according to his or her own choices and willingness.

In 1975, Bigelow and La Gaipa study adopted a cognitive model of sequential development in children, which they tried to find out the expectations of the children related to their friendship. Relationship is nothing without expectations because where relationship and love exists expectations are always there. It is a human psychological need that a person wants his or her friends and family members to do things what they like most and what makes them happy.

Therefore, an experiment was carried out by Bigelow; he took a sample group of 480 Canadian and Scottish children and asked them to write an essay on the topic “My Expectations from Friends”. When written content was analysed it was found that children expect a lot from their peers. Most common factor, which has been found in their essays, was that they seek priority. It is in a sense that children expect that in a group or while choosing between two things their friends should give priority to them.

Otherwise, they might tend to take revenge or they might show aggressive behaviour towards their friends. In addition, it has also been observed that when any individual fights with his or her friends or their friends do not fulfil their expectations they show an explicit change in their behaviour towards their parents and other family members as well. 4

William appreciated this effort of Bigelow as it provides an account for understanding cross culture peer relationship, but according to him it was not valid for all age groups and also for children related to different backgrounds. However, Bigelow believed that cognitive characteristic of relationship may change with the passage of time but efficient values remain same forever. In addition, William shed light upon children’s perception of best friends.

According to him, everyone is different from each other, so the intensity of their expectations from their friends and best friend is also different. Psychologically some people are more sensitive and possessive about their relationships as compare to those who make friends just for enjoyment and time pass.

Although, during childhood children should not show possessiveness but still it is observed that some children show sensitivity towards their friendship. William explained that children consider one or two of their friends as their best ones, with whom they want to spend most of their time and they do not lose such a friend at any cost.

Also, their activities play an important part in strengthening in their bond with each other. These activities mostly depend upon the time period that children spend with each other everyday like going to school together and spending night over each other’s place.

In relation to this type of friendship another factor came forward and that is the bond between their parents. It is because children’s friends turn into best friends when their parents also play part in it and encourage their child friendship. Whereas, on other hand Bigelow did not accept the concept of real best friend during childhood because according to him during early childhood children do not have sense to distinguish between friend and best friend 5 .

Another, drawback which has been observed in Bigelow and La Gaipa study is that they did not try to explain the fact why children dislike some specific children around them as compared to others 6 . What has been the psychological reason behind their likes and dislikes? Is there any such possibility that children hate all those kids who do not share common interests with them or simply those who are not their friends? Although, Bigelow and La Gaipa study tends to explain behaviour and factors involved in this process, but they failed to explain it explicitly.

It is because they viewed all behaviours, actions, reactions, and factors as something which is possible and common in all dimensions 7 . However, William studied every individuals case separately in order to provide perfect explanation of the kids friendship bond with respect to human nature and psychology.

William in order to understand children’s world made a captivating and enlightening experiment in which he sat down on sand with kids, played with them, and followed their each hand movement and facial expression 8 .

He wanted to think and look at things from their viewpoints as he wanted to explore children’s surroundings and factors affecting their behaviour. Psychologists have also emphasized on the fact that in order to bring up children in a better way it is important for parents to view things having their children’s perspectives.

It would help to have a fresh and clear insight of their children’s behaviour and only then they would be able to bring up their children in a better way and according to their kids behavioural nature and needs.

Furthermore, William has done an outstanding work in the field of ethnography, and he tried to explain relationship between special children such as deaf and dumb as well as sense of friendship between those who are handicapped either physically or mentally.

During his research, he tried to spend as much time as could with the group of children whom he wanted to study. Therefore, he spend several hours with a group of 83 children who were blind, deaf or dumb, where he found that despite of having such weaknesses they all had a sense of maintaining relationships with each other.

Like all other normal kids they also like to make friends and they communicate through their sign language. Also, they all show similar behaviour as every other normal kid show depending upon his or her personal choices and natural perceptions.

In addition, he also observed some mentally retarded children and he analyzed that such individuals show more sincere and honest attitude towards their friends. It is because they usually do not have any other activity to participate in; such as studying or learning. However, no evidences of such approaches have been found in Bigelow and La Gaipa study as their study mainly focused on examining different groups of children at pre-school.

From the above discussion, it could be concluded that friendship is a bond which is important to have in everyones life in order to satisfy psychological needs. Two different studies presented different notions about childrens friendship and its impact on their lives.

Bigelow and La Gaipa study focused on over all understanding of cognitive base of liking and disliking peers; whereas, William explained children’s friendship needs and perception from childrens point of view in order to present a clear view friendship psychology of childhood.

Bibliography

Bagwell, C, and M. Schmidt. Friendships in Childhood and Adolescence. New York: Guilford Press, 2011.

Balter, L, and C. Tamis-LeMonda. Child Psychology: A Handbook of Contemporary Issues. New York: Psychology Press, 2003.

Corsaro, W, and T. Rizzo. “Discussion and Friendship: Socialization Processes in the Peer Culture of Italian Nursery School Children.” American Social Review , 1988: 879-894.

Corsaro, W, and L. Molinari. I compagni: Understanding Children’s Transition From Preschool to Elementary School. New York: Teachers College Press, 2005.

Corsaro, W. We Are Friends, Right? Washington D.C.: Joseph Henry Press, 2003.

Foot, H, A Chapman, and J. Smith. Friendship and Social Relations in Children. New Jersey: Transaction Publishers, 1995.

Hayes, D. “Cognitive Basis for Liking and Disliking Among Preschool Children.” Society of Research in Child Development Inc. , 1978: 906-909.

1 Balter, L, and C. Tamis-LeMonda. Child Psychology: A Handbook of Contemporary Issues. New York: Psychology Press, 2003.

2 Corsaro, W, and L. Molinari. I compagni:Understanding Children’s Transition From Preschool to Elementary School. New York: Teachers College Press, 2005.

3 Hayes, D. “Cognitive Basis for Liking and Disliking Among Preschool Children.” Society of Research in Child Development Inc. , 1978: 906-909.

4 (Foot, H, A Chapman, and J. Smith. Friendship and Social Relations in Children. New Jersey: Transaction Publishers, 1995.)

5 (Foot, H, A Chapman, and J. Smith. Friendship and Social Relations in Children. New Jersey: Transaction Publishers, 1995.)

6 Bagwell, C, and M. Schmidt. Friendships in Childhood and Adolescence. New York: Guilford Press, 2011.

7 Corsaro, W. We Are Friends, Right? Washington D.C.: Joseph Henry Press, 2003.

8 Carsaro, W, and T. Rizzo. “Discussion and Friendship:Socialization Processes in the Peer Culture of Italian Nursery School Children.” American Social Review , 1988: 879-894.

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13 Competition in Friendship

• Published: November 2016
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Research suggests that competition can be adaptive in helping children and adolescents shape their self-concept and identity. Research also suggests that because of its aggressive and unsympathetic nature, competitiveness as an enduring interpersonal style may come with social costs that may include loneliness and greater difficulty making and keeping close, quality friendships. This chapter reviews research regarding the nature of competition in terms of general definitions, types of competitiveness, and the role that competition plays in friendship throughout the life span. It introduces an integrative model that examines (1) how gender and gender socialization may impact both the prevalence of competition in friendship and the social adjustment implications of competiveness among friends, and (2) the significance of culture in terms of the importance given to competitive values and how these cultural differences may play out in the context of friendship. Finally, conclusions and recommendations for future research directions are given.

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Treasure them

Sure, lovers and children are great. but friends are more than ever the heart of happiness, of family and of love itself.

by Anna Machin   + BIO

As an evolutionary anthropologist, I have wrestled with the question ‘What is love?’ for more than a decade. At first glance, the answer is straightforward. After all, my many research subjects all have their own answers to share. And herein lies the fundamental problem for someone who would like to find a nice straightforward answer: love is complicated. My 10 years of work have led me to conclude that there are at least 10 very well-supported answers to this question, but give me another 10 years and I’m sure I can get you at least 10 more. There is no neat formula.

This is at once hugely frustrating and immensely pleasing because this complexity, this unknowable aspect of love, motivates us to create great art and to repeatedly embark on the exhilarating journey that is love, despite the end point being the possibility of great pain and rejection.

And what makes human love even more awe-inspiring is that we get to experience it in so many ways. I began my research life rather predictably with a consideration of romantic love but, as I started to explore the love lives of my subjects more broadly, it became clear that, yes, there might be lovers, parents, children but there might also be a god or gods, pets, celebrities, and even holograms. We are capable of loving so many beings both human and nonhuman and in physical and nonphysical form. When you understand how important love is to our very existence, you realise how immensely lucky we are. Love has got our back.

I n many cultures, this full spectrum of love is fully embraced; as an anthropologist, you get used to being welcomed as one of the family you’re observing, kin name and all. But in the West, we’re missing out on experiencing everything that love has to offer because our field of view is too narrow. As a consequence, we’re in danger not only of limiting the fullness of our life experience but endangering our health. This blinkered view is a result of our tendency to conceive of a hierarchy of love. The top position is occupied by parental love with dad regularly relegated to assistant parent, whether he likes it or not; parental love is usually embodied in the love between mother and child. Running a close second is romantic love, with an overwhelming focus on finding your ‘soulmate’. Fail at this and you supposedly live only half a life. Following that, we have the immediate family – siblings, parents, grandparents – and maybe even the extended family.

After all these, the next category comes a rather distant fourth – our friends. It is fair to say that, when considering love, we can neglect our friendships. Indeed, in carrying out interviews for my next book, I found that those based in the UK or the US were often very happy to quickly declare their love for their cat or dog, but ask them whether they loved their friends and many had to pause and think.

This dismissal is based on a misunderstanding of how foundational friends are as members of our social network – they are its largest group – and how they hold the key to our health and survival. My work has shown that our friendships can provide a level of understanding and emotional intimacy that can eclipse any we might experience with a lover. Indeed, friends are often the most reliable source of an interpersonal ease, allowing us to be our true selves, something that we’d do well to embrace in this 24/7 social media world where ‘curating’ your image can be a full-time job.

At the same time, our society has profoundly changed in the past 50 years, putting the established hierarchy of love on shaky ground. It’s no longer the case that you have to be ‘coupled up’ to fit society’s norms, to have children or, as a woman, to make sure you’re economically provided for. As a consequence, within the West – although not necessarily elsewhere – romantic love has become a choice rather than a necessity. If children aren’t your thing, then greater control of your own fertility means that you can also dispense with parental love. But you discard the love that exists within your friendships at your peril, because, new findings show, friends are your key to a long , happy and chilled life.

Being within a supportive social network reduced the risk of mortality by 50 per cent

More than two decades of research into the nature of human social networks, including studies carried out within my group at the University of Oxford, has led us to two important and robustly evidenced conclusions. The first is that, regardless of age, personality, gender, ethnic background or any number of possible individual differences, we all interact with the members of this network in a broadly similar way. This is the magic number of 150, Dunbar’s number (named after my colleague, the evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar who discovered it), and it reflects the fact that, on average, the maximum size of an individual’s social network is stable at 150.

But not all is equal in the 150 club. Some people are allowed to get closer to us, and take up more of our time, than others, and it’s particularly within the two innermost layers of this network that we find our closest relationships, including our key friends. At the very core of our network sit our central support clique, the four or five people to whom we’re emotionally closest and to whom we will dedicate 40 per cent of our time. Many of us tend to have daily contact with this core, including our romantic partner, our children, maybe our parents or a best friend. Next we have the 10 or so people known as our sympathy group. These are our go-to people for a break away from the immediate family or a good night out, and we interact with them weekly. These are our close friends and maybe the occasional sibling or cousin. Together, the 15 people who make up our central support clique and our sympathy group get 60 per cent of our time. The remaining 40 per cent of time is spread thinly over the remaining 135 people who constitute the rest of our active network, and the further out you are, the less of this slim sliver of time you will receive.

There’s a powerful relationship between the characteristics of your social network and your mental and physical health, your longevity and your general life satisfaction. Way back in the knife-edge environments of our evolutionary past, having a strong social network was essential to survival, and there are still areas of the world today where having the help and support of others is the difference between life and death.

Here in the West, where our environment is relatively benign and everything we need to survive is becoming increasingly accessible at the click of a button from our sofa, cooperation, and in particular our closest relationships, are less about survival and more just about good fun and belonging – or so it seems. We know what’s important for a healthy life: exercise, a balanced diet, not smoking, and maintaining a healthy weight.

But a seminal study carried out in 2010 by the psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad at Brigham Young University in Utah and her colleagues would beg to differ. Holt-Lunstad collected together the data from 148 studies that had explored rates of mortality following chronic illness – cancer, cardiovascular disease and renal failure being the most prominent – and aspects of an individual’s social network. For some studies, this was the size of their network, their actual or perceived access to social support, their social isolation or the extent to which they were integrated into their network. Holt-Lunstad concluded that being within a supportive social network reduced the risk of mortality by 50 per cent. That places it on a par with quitting smoking, and of more influence than maintaining a healthy BMI measure. Since Holt-Lunstad and colleagues reported their findings, study after study has reinforced this conclusion, to the extent that we can now argue that the nature of your social network, and the strength and health of the relationships within it, is the biggest single factor influencing your health, happiness and longevity. They are your survival.

O ver the past year, as I wrote my book Why We Love: The New Science Behind Our Closest Relationships (forthcoming, 2022), I conducted many interviews with people, whose comments on love are quoted throughout this piece. One such was Margaret:

There is a weird idea that you are supposed to get everything from your romantic relationship but I realise the huge amount of love I have in my life. Living in a house share with real friends makes me realise that a lot of what I thought I wanted from a relationship was really a close, daily friendship.

But what has all this got to do with your friendships? Why does neglecting your friends place you at considerable risk of ill health and guarantee that your life will be much less joyous and satisfying? Because for a significant number of people – a number that’s growing year on year – their friends fulfil the role of a romantic partner, a child and even a whole family. Their friends are those key 15 people they see and rely on most . As a consequence, they are the survival-critical relationships that will have a profound influence on their health, happiness and longevity.

Data from the 2015 US census has predicted that 6 per cent of the current adult population of Americans will remain single their entire lives. And the number of never-married singletons in their 40s has doubled in the UK between 2002 and 2018. Globally, we’re experiencing a significant downturn in the birthrate, which has led to panic among some governments as the increased costs of an ageing population go unmet by rapidly reducing tax revenues. In Japan, deaths can outstrip births by nearly 500,000 a year, meaning that by 2050 the population might have shrunk by 30 million people.

When we focus our love on our friends, we’re actively choosing to do so

Many people will remain childless. In the US, the rate of births in women between the ages of 20 and 29 dropped a massive 15 per cent in the five years between 2007 and 2012, with this trend not limited to any one ethnic group. In some cases, these declines are due to women choosing to have children later in life or, in Japan’s case, a fall in the number of women of reproductive age in a shrinking population. But, in many cases, women, particularly those of the millennial generation, are actively choosing to not have children. Instead, they’re deciding to focus their energies on building a good career and directing their caring skills to the community. For these people, their central support clique isn’t populated by a lover or children. It’s populated by their friends. As June, another study participant, said:

I love my friends. It is different because it is a love that is chosen and quite special. People talk about unconditional love but I think there is something special about conditional love because you are always opting into it. It is an obligation but there is something special about day by day by day you are choosing to stay in those relationships.

I love this quote from June about the nature of friendship love. It’s a brilliant, and quite rare, way of thinking but it makes such perfect sense. That we have an instinct, driven by our shared genetics, to love our children and family – for some, this is a duty love – but, when we focus our love on our friends, we’re actively choosing to do so. We’re taking our precious time and energy, and consciously committing it to them, so important are they to us.

Perhaps as a reflection of our perception that friends are relatively unimportant, compared with the attachment between lovers or a parent and child, research on the power of the friends’ attachment is still only in its early days. However, in her 2017 study of female singles, Claudia Brumbaugh, a psychologist in New York, found that best friends played a crucial role for them – both because, as June points out, of the freedom to choose them, and because of the close similarity to them. Brumbaugh found that, when it comes to choosing our friends, there’s none of the familial obligation or cultural pressure that can influence our choice of lover or our commitment to our family.

Indeed, when you’re a child and enter preschool for the first time, your world opens up dramatically, and you get to initiate friendships yourself, making your own choices rather than being forced to play with your parent’s best friend’s kid while the adults chat over a coffee. And when you’re at secondary school, your friends become your primary attachment figures, the people you turn to to influence your behaviour and thoughts as you establish your autonomous identity. In adulthood, friendships might ebb and flow as you reach life stages at different points, but they will remain a source of comfort, advice, fun and freedom. They might even become your family.

W ith such unfettered choice, what draws us to the people who ultimately become our friends? One of the first studies I carried out at Oxford was an analysis of how heterosexual people chose their romantic partners and their best friends. I asked the participants to what extent they shared a range of attributes with their lover and their best friend, including levels of physical attractiveness, creativity, intelligence, education, sense of humour, outgoingness and optimism. What was important in each case? I was trying to understand whether there was a ‘friendship market’ much like a ‘dating market’. Since our friends contribute so much to our chance of survival, shouldn’t we be taking some care in choosing them?

What I found surprised me and challenged the idea that our friends can never be as close to us as our lovers. For many heterosexual women, their same-sex best friend was someone with whom they shared more emotional intimacy than with their male lover. For many heterosexual men, their same-sex best friend represented ease of interaction and a sense of humour – someone you could truly relax with . Further, both sexes had more in common with their best friend – that is, they were more similar to them in terms of education, interests, etc – than with their lover. These results perhaps point to the inherent tension that exists at the centre of all heterosexual romantic relationships. Cross-sex cooperation is cognitively the costliest of all cooperation ­– the most time-consuming and emotionally draining of relationships ­– because of the need to trade unequal currencies, and because you must ‘mind read’ a brain that probably operates in a distinctly different way than yours. With best friends, particularly of the same sex, these tensions aren’t there, meaning that you can truly relax and reveal your authentic self. And, because we’re so similar, we approach life from the same perspective, meaning that our friends know us at least as well as we know ourselves.

Evidence that our friends know us that well comes from a 2019 study in which people were asked to consider their own personality, and the personalities of 10 friends, while inside a brain scanner. The psychologists Robert Chavez and Dylan Wagner found that when an individual, let’s call her Sarah, reflected on her own personality, her brainscan pattern matched the pattern seen in the scans of her 10 friends while thinking about Sarah’s personality, but not when they thought about their other friends’ personalities. It would appear that Sarah’s friends knew her as well as she knew herself.

These families were bound by a shared identity rather than shared blood – they were fictive kin

And the extent of these similarities between friends can stretch beyond a shared love for French avant-garde films or a shared school experience to the fundamental way in which we make sense of our world. In 2018, the researchers Carolyn Parkinson, Adam Kleinbaum and Thalia Wheatley recruited 279 students – the entire cohort from one year of a graduate programme. They asked them to complete a questionnaire listing everyone in the programme they deemed to be a friend. The researchers then set about creating a social network for the class, illustrating every link between the students. Their prediction was that the closer two people were to each other in the network, indicating a stronger bond, the more similar their neural responses would be. A subset of 42 students was used for a scanning study. Once in the scanner, everyone watched the same set of videos in the same order. And the results confirmed the researchers’ hunch: similarities between friends extended way beyond hobbies, ethnicity, age or sex. The signals seen in the brains of friends – both in the unconscious and conscious brain – were more similar than those between people who were more distant in the network. They were also able to predict just how close two people were in the network simply by comparing scans. Now that is a concrete finding.

I am a firm believer that friends are God’s way of apologising for our family. I do not come from a high-functioning family, and even though I love my family and I accept them for who they are, it is really my friends that are my family. I have been predominantly on my own but my girlfriends have been that emotional touchstone, that physical presence in my life when my family was largely absent. – Carol

The term ‘chosen family’ was first coined in the US during the 1970s and ’80s to describe the networks of friends that provided emotional support and nurture to those who’d been rejected by their own family or who were excluded from legally sanctioned methods of creating a family such as marriage or parenthood. In the vast majority of instances, these were gay men and women who had been excluded by their culture and/or disowned by their biological family, and whose need for support was made all the more urgent by the arrival of HIV within their communities.

These families were bound by a shared identity rather than shared blood – they were fictive kin. While those who pioneered this new form of ‘friend’ family in the 1970s have now grown old within the bosom of their chosen family, recent work among younger communities in the US has shown that chosen families are as important to the lives and as vital to the security and development of young people as they’ve always been, particularly when it comes to one of the trickier aspects of growing up – exploring your sexuality.

In 2013, the Illinois Caucus for Adolescent Health (ICAH) carried out a study exploring the role of chosen and given family in discussions with adolescents about sexual identity, health and rights. They used individual interviews, online surveys and focus groups to explore the experiences of nearly 500 adolescents as they navigated this at times rocky and confusing stage of their development. The results showed that, while there was a role for both family types, the chosen family was the first port of call when discussing these potentially tricky topics.

In fact, of those interviewed, 80.7 per cent reported that they’d formed a chosen family. When it came to discussing sex and sexuality, 73.4 per cent of young people spoke to their chosen family compared with 52.8 per cent who spoke to their given family. But when it came to how comfortable they felt while doing this, 63.2 per cent were more comfortable talking to their chosen family as opposed to only 9.7 per cent who felt comfortable speaking to their given family. There were topics, for instance, personal sexual experiences, about which participants wouldn’t speak to their given family. Yet three-quarters said they could speak to their chosen family about anything. These friend networks were especially important for transgender, gender nonconforming and genderqueer youth, who were overall more likely to speak to their chosen family (81 per cent) than their given family (59.1 per cent). Because members of Generation Z (ie, those born between the mid-1990s and early 2010s) explore their gender and sexuality more freely than any previous generation, it’s clear that the love and understanding found in a chosen family is as vital as it’s always been.

A s our Western world becomes slowly more tolerant, the options for creating your family become broader. While the statistics seem to point to a world where fewer of us choose to find a romantic significant other, this doesn’t mean that we must spend our lives alone or miss the opportunity to become parents. I spend a lot of time exploring the changing world of parenting, and it’s fair to say that today’s reality is far from the Victorian nuclear ideal.

But what’s particularly holding my focus at the moment is the rise of platonic co-parenting relationships and queer platonic partnerships (QPPs). These are both relationships where the foundation is not of romantic but of friendship love. In the first case, the core is usually a man and a woman who’ve chosen to have a child together and raise it as a co-parenting team. In the simplest manifestation, this is how the family remains, with two parents who love each other as friends and use this as the foundation for raising their child. In more complex arrangements, the parenting team can expand to include the partners of the biological mother and father, an egg or sperm donor and sometimes a surrogate. All of these people are focused on the raising of a child but their ability to do this successfully is based upon a strong tie of friendship.

I came across the queer platonic partnership as I explored the world of aromanticism. An aromantic is someone who doesn’t experience romantic love. Often, a misunderstanding of what it means to be aromantic leads others to characterise those who have this identity as incapable of loving anyone and, as a consequence, of living in a world devoid of love. But aromantics are as capable of love for their family, their children, their friends or their god as any of us. And, because of this, many don’t want to live a life devoid of a companion or a co-parent. To do this, they must look beyond the conventional to the QPP, someone with whom to build a life on the basis of friendship love. And, just as there are dating sites, so there are now areas of the internet dedicated to helping those who wish to pursue a QPP.

It’s clear that, in opposition to the accepted order of things, for many of us, it’s our friendships that need to be at the top of our love hierarchy if we want to live long and happy lives. Friends can be our sources of intimacy and nonjudgmental support, they can be our life’s companions, they can be our family and our co-parent. Put bluntly, they’re our survival. But this means that we must decide to actively nurture and invest in them to benefit from their many rewards. Our unique ability to love many beings in many ways means that we all have the opportunity for love in our lives. We just have to lift our eyes to the horizon and broaden our perspective to see all the love that is on offer. And for many of us that will mean celebrating, treasuring and reasserting the love we have for our friends.

To read more about love and relationships, visit Psyche , a digital magazine from Aeon that illuminates the human condition through psychology, philosophical understanding and the arts.

This Essay was made possible through the support of a grant to Aeon from the John Templeton Foundation. The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Foundation. Funders to Aeon Magazine are not involved in editorial decision-making.

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Stephen Breyer: The Supreme Court I Served On Was Made Up of Friends

By Stephen Breyer

Justice Breyer is a retired associate justice of the United States Supreme Court and the author of “Reading the Constitution: Why I Chose Pragmatism, Not Textualism.”

Recently, the Supreme Court justices Sonia Sotomayor and Amy Coney Barrett spoke together publicly about how members of the court speak civilly to one another while disagreeing, sometimes vigorously, about the law. Considerable disagreements on professional matters among the Supreme Court justices, important as they are, remain professional, not personal. The members of the court can and do get along well personally. That matters.

In my tenure, this meant that we could listen to one another, which increased the chances of agreement or compromise. It means that the court will work better for the nation that it serves. And I wonder: If justices who disagree so profoundly can do so respectfully, perhaps it is possible for our politically divided country to do the same.

Sandra Day O’Connor was the first woman appointed to the court; Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the second. I remember being slightly surprised when, during a visit to meet with several European judges, they suddenly disappeared. Where had they gone? It seems they went off together to look for suitable women’s collars for their robes. They found some, and Justice Ginsburg wore them ever after.

At about the same time, Justice O’Connor reminded me that our chief justice, William Rehnquist, had decided that he, too, needed something distinctive on his black robe. Inspired by Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Iolanthe ,” he decided to enliven it with a few gold stripes on the sleeves. Justice O’Connor found at a European bookstall a picture of Lorenzo de’ Medici wearing similar stripes. She suggested that we send it to him with a special message from her.

We would do things together outside class. Chief Justice Rehnquist, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Justice O’Connor and I would play bridge with friends and spouses (often changing partners). Today, I gather that justices who do not always agree on legal results nonetheless agree to go to hockey games or play golf together. (Why hockey in Washington, D.C., where baseball, football and basketball abound? Perhaps they just like hockey.)

As is fairly well known, Justice Ginsburg and Justice Antonin Scalia loved opera and became great friends. They even persuaded Justice Kennedy and me to take part in a Washington Opera performance of “Die Fledermaus,” provided, of course, that we simply sat onstage on a sofa and never opened our mouths. Justice Scalia had a good musical voice, however; he, law clerks and other justices would sometimes sing at the court, joined by Chief Justice Rehnquist, as well as by a friend of Justice Scalia who was a fine pianist and loved Cole Porter.

Justice Scalia and I would talk to students in high school or law school and other audiences about the court. It was obvious to those audiences that while we did not share basic views about how to interpret difficult statutory and constitutional phrases, we were friends.

Certain unwritten rules helped to smooth over differences and maintain good personal relations among court members. At conferences when we discussed cases privately, we proceeded in order of seniority, and no one would speak twice until everyone had spoken once. Thus, everyone could be fairly sure that he or she would have a chance to speak before minds were definitely made up. (This rule helped me, for I was the most junior justice for 11 years.)

Once all had spoken, we would discuss the case, back and forth. But one quickly learned that it did not help to say “I have a better argument than you.” Much better to listen to what others say and to find in their points of view material for working out an agreement or perhaps a compromise.

Chief Justice Rehnquist generally did not approve of jokes made during the business portion of the conference, though I admit I once told him while we were having coffee, after having recently nearly lost a majority on what we thought initially would be a unanimous opinion, “I have discovered how to get five people on a single opinion.” “How?” he asked. “Start with nine,” I replied.

In any event, agreement or disagreement, joke or no joke, in my 28 years on the court I did not hear a voice raised in anger in that conference, nor were snide or personal remarks ever made. The discussion was professional, disagreements reflected legal differences on the merits, and the justices tried to find ways to reach court agreements.

Justice O’Connor maintained that a highly important informal court rule was this: You and I may disagree strongly in respect to Case 1, but that fact has nothing to do with our positions in respect to (not legally related) Case 2, where we may be the strongest of allies. That is, no horse-trading.

After conference we would have lunch, often talking about sports or trading so-called jokes and other nonlegal matters. I remember once saying to Chief Justice Rehnquist that I thought it amazing that we were about to have a pleasant lunch when just 20 minutes before at conference we strongly disagreed about applicable law. His reply suggested that he thought only a short time earlier that half the court thought the other half had lost its mind.

What works for nine people with lifetime appointments won’t work for the entire nation, but listening to one another in search of a consensus might help.

Stephen Breyer is a retired associate justice of the United States Supreme Court.

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How Our Culture and Personality Shape Our Friend Circles

The interplay of familism and attachment in shaping social networks..

Posted April 10, 2024 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer

• People's relationship style predicts their social networks.
• The culture people are embeded in shapes thier friendships.
• There are cross cultural differences in people's social networks.

Imagine a world where the size and closeness of your friend circle could be influenced by where you're from and your approach to relationships. That's not just a thought experiment; it's the reality uncovered by a fascinating study led by Xian Zhao, Omri Gillath, Itziar Alonso-Arbiol, and a team of colleagues around the world, which looked at how cultural values and personal attachment styles impact our social networks across 21 different countries.

Family Values and Friendships: A Global Look

At the heart of this research is "familism," a cultural trait that values family ties above all. The study found that in places where familism is strong, people tend to have smaller but tighter-knit groups of friends. It seems that in these cultures, the emphasis on family spills over into friendships, making them more intimate and strong, though perhaps more selective.

How We Attach to Others Matters

The study also dives into "attachment styles"—essentially, how we prefer to connect with close ones. People with "avoidant" attachment styles are more hesitant to form close bonds and, according to the study, end up with smaller, less tight-knit friend groups. On the other hand, the research didn't find that " anxious " attachment styles—where people fear being left out or abandoned—directly led to having more friends. However, the interaction between this anxious attachment and cultural familism did influence the nature of friendships.

The Cultural Dance of Friendship

What's really intriguing is how culture and personal attachment styles interact. In places where family is everything, the usual preference of avoidant individuals for smaller friend circles is even more pronounced. Meanwhile, those who worry about being close enough to their friends might find their anxieties somewhat soothed in these family-first settings, aligning their personal desires with cultural norms.

Why This Matters to Us All

This study isn't just for academics; it has real-world implications for all of us. It sheds light on why we might feel more at home in certain cultures or why some friendships feel deeper or more fulfilling than others. For anyone struggling with loneliness or looking to build a more satisfying social life , understanding the interplay between our cultural background and personal relationship style could be key.

This research reminds us that our social lives are woven from the threads of both our cultural context and our individual personalities. In understanding both, we can better navigate our social worlds, finding deeper connections and more fulfilling friendships. So the next time you reflect on your circle of friends, remember: It's not just about who you are or where you're from; it's about how those two aspects of your life dance together.

Zhao, X., Gillath, O., Alonso-Arbiol, I., Abubakar, A., Adams, B. G., Autin, F., Brassard, A., Carcedo, R. J., Catz, O., Cheng, C., Conner, T. S., Igarashi, T., Kafetsios, K., Kamble, S., Karantzas, G., Mendía-Monterroso, R. E., Moreira, J. M., Nolte, T., Ruch, W., … Zhang, F. (2024). Ninety years after Lewin: The role of familism and attachment style in social networks characteristics across 21 nations/areas. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 0 (0). https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075241237939

Omri Gillath, Ph.D. , is a professor of psychology at The University of Kansas. He studies close relationships and their underlying mechanisms.

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