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20 Funny Homework Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Hard

Introduction

20 Funny Quotes About Homework

Many students hate homework, right? It can be really bothersome to spend time home finishing tasks for school when we can have fun and enjoy the time spent out of school. Whether you love studying or not, there must have been some time when you hated doing your homework. These funny homework quotes will remind you of the homework struggles and make you laugh with their wittiness.

Homework is a prolonged school “torture”.

Some students choose not to do their homework at all.

Time passes so slowly when we do our tasks.

If you want to be bored, do your homework.

One of the best perks of baseball.

Google doesn’t always know everything.

Everything is simple when you are younger.

How many times did your dog chew on your homework papers?

The trash can is a place where many homework assignments ended.

Copy-paste is one of the widely known techniques.

Everything is better than doing homework.

It is the right time to finish your homework when you are bored.

Some homework is just too difficult.

Homework is time-consuming and exhausting.

Sometimes you just can’t manage to finish all tasks on time.

Answers are not important, as long as we have the assignment finished.

Nobody thinks about homework in summer.

Funny homework quotes will make you laugh out loud.

No matter what, I don’t want to do my homework.

It is better to finish our homework when we are smarter.

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Project Management

101 Funniest Project Management Memes and TikToks

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As the famous pop singer Olivia Rodrigo once said, “it’s brutal out here.”

This line is especially true for project managers dealing with unreasonable stakeholders, unrealistic deadlines, and limited resources. (By the way,  let us know if we can help you with that ).

In order to help us cope, we have created dozens of original project management memes about relatable topics. We also compiled the best memes out there, along with some TikToks. Because misery loves company, but it also loves memes.

We’ll kick things off with the meme that acts as an autobiography for many of us and then categorize the project management memes by theme.

1. When something I used to do for fun and enjoyment becomes my whole career.

Deadline & Scope Project Management Memes

2. shhh… it’s okay honey. the scope creep can’t hurt you..

3. Hindsight is 20/20.

4. When will we learn that optimism is our worst enemy?

5. Time is a construct and the deadline is flexible.

6. Always in control, just don’t ask what the original deadline was.

7. Give me attitude one more time, and I’m slashing your feature.

8. Wink, wink. Nod, nod.

9. Work smart, not hard.

10. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

11. You just become numb to it after awhile…

12. you can do it all perfectly and still fail. that’s the gig, kid..

Project Management Memes About Stakeholders

13. when the ceo wants to look at your project plans….

📌 PRO TIP: Share Gantt charts, roadmaps, and reports that stay in sync with your Jira project plans. Visor makes it easy to keep stakeholders in the loop without giving them access to your Jira instance.

14. *says your idea but louder*.

Source: Work Chronicles

15. Always go over budget and over time.

16. The only sane way to deal with stakeholders.

17. The cycle continues…

18. When Jake in finance has a feature request…

19. So happy you’re excited! No, I’m not crying!

Jira & agile project management memes.

Read these memes and weep. Once you’re done wiping your tears, then check out how Visor can help you manage your Jira projects better . (Shameless plug, we know.)

20. Bet you didn’t have a “Won’t Do” status though, grandma.

21. “It was in the Jira comments” Ok, Jan.

22. If your tasks don’t have tasks, you’re not doing it right.

23. Random idea? There’s a ticket for that.

24. Not calling out anyone in particular 👀

Make bulk edits to Jira tickets in minutes and manage your backlog using the simplicity of a spreadsheet.

25. All Jira users speak the same language. If you don’t? You can’t sit with us.

26. omg, i love when people make tickets just to close them. ❤️.

27. Some people just like to watch the world burn.

28. It’s called sprint rollover and all the cool kids do it.

29. Not my inbox, not my problem. Adjust your Jira notification settings?

30. My projects be too thiccc.

31. If I don’t have a ticket, what is my purpose?

32. As a project manager who can’t read, I don’t see the problem with this meme.

33. Shameless plug.

34. I will die on this hill.

35. Agile is all about…agility.

36. Either way, you lose.

37. Hot take: I said what I said.

38. Blink twice if you’re okay, Dev Team.

39. Anyone not in Project or Product Management:

40. We don’t know what it means either.

41. Your feedback is supposed to be about how amazing we are.

42. We’re all mad here, but we wouldn’t choose any other way. #TeamAgile

Project management memes about deployments, 43. how deployment days look..

44. How deployment days feel.

45. If a deployment goes perfectly, you definitely missed something.

46. Why do today what you can put off til the next phase?

47. Best thing you can say to me in an interview, tbh.

48. Please let me have a moment of peace after the MVP launches!

49. all we want is a gold star..

Memes About Overworked Project Managers

50. i’d rather just be part of the rif at this point..

51. DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M WORKING WITH HERE?

52. They’re coming right? Right? …Guys?

53. There’s never enough people. Period.

54. When they tell you a new contract came in with another feature demand.

55. OVER ESTIMATE. ADD PADDING. MAKE NO PROMISES.

Avoid overwhelm by automating the tedious parts of your job. Connect the project plans you have in apps like Jira to Visor so that you can make bulk changes, create accurate roadmaps, and avoid manually updating reports for stakeholders.

56. Don’t slack me after 5 pm. 😘

Project Management Memes About Working With Engineers, Product Managers, and Sales

57. well-loved engineers meet deadlines..

58. “Customer is always right” (or something).

59. Eng, you love us, too, we know you do.

Source: https://programmerhumor.io/

60. Eng, it’s the bare minimum, but we’ll take it.

61. Eng approval means more to us than you’ll ever know.

62. Product: Everyone thinks we have the same job, but it’s all love in the end.

63. Product, I know the user’s issue is urgent but so is my deadline!

64. Words hurt. Users’ words hurt more.

65. Project blames Product. Product blames Eng. Eng cries.

66. Product saying, “It’s on the roadmap!”

67. PUT IT IN PHASE 2 FFS.

68. Product: Why do they always want what they can’t have?

69. Hint: Sometimes it’s the little “O” after the “PM”

70. Sales: Maybe they’re just sensitive, idk.

71. Sales talking about why numbers are down in the Company Overview meeting.

72. Sales: This is not Burger King! You cannot have it your way!

73. sales: yeah, happy summer friday, guys. we’ll take it from here…i guess..

74. If everything’s a fire, is anything a fire?

Memes About the Unexpected and Timelines

75. you thought you weren’t working this weekend cute, 76. if it looks too good to be true, it probably is..

77. Someone else’s tech debt always becomes your problem.

78. Technically true, right?

79. “If you build it, they will come”…or not.

80. Famous last words: “This will be a Quick Win!”

81. And we would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids!

82. We’re all in this together…as long as we do it my way.

83. When the project plan practically writes itself. 😍

84. i used to be a team player until i went into project management..

85. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

86. All I know is timelines and breathing.

Project Management Memes About Collaboration

87. we just want to be included..

88. You think we have time to QA? Oh, you sweet summer child.

89. The meeting that could never be an email (don’t put it in writing).

90. Too many chefs in the kitchen…

91. Can’t work. Must respond to Slack.

Connect apps like Jira to Visor so you can provide team members, stakeholders, and clients custom reports that stay in sync with your project plans. Visor is secure and free to get started.

TikTok Humor for Project Managers

92. engineers love the stand-ups. promise., watch on tiktok.

93. I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m going to act like I do.

94. The scariest thing you can do is ask me to commit to a deadline.

If you’ve made it this far along the post, then follow on Visor. And comment on this video to let us know you made it down this far. (Swag may or may not get sent your way.)

95. No comment. I’m too triggered.

96. Someone’s got to do the pointing!

97. I am a salaried adult babysitter. Hold me.

98. You see all the moving pieces? Know why they’re moving? ME! It’s ME.

99. This is a low-key chill day, tbh.

100. Sounds like a “next Sprint” problem.

101. No thoughts, just vibes.

How Visor Helps Project Managers

While we can’t promise to fix every problem that plagues project managers, we do help PMs save time and their sanity. By connecting the project plans you have in SaaS apps like Jira to Visor , you can:

• Automate tedious tasks like making bulk changes to Jira tickets or creating Jira tickets
• Share accurate reports with stakeholders that don’t require manual upkeep
• Efficiently manage your backlog for grooming
• Create custom views for different audiences

A beginner-friendly spreadsheet powers Visor, and our Jira integration takes only minutes to set up.  Explore how to be a more efficient and accomplished project manager using Visor .  Visor is free, secure, and easy to get started with.

Rae's Presentations & Press Mentions:

• How To Choose Project Management Software in 2023 (Project-Management.com)
• Atlassian Presentation: Not Just Issues: Using Jira Data to Connect People and Teams (Phoenix ACE)
• MPUG Webinar: Intro to Jira & How to Use Jira Data to Connect Teams (Microsoft Project User Group)

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7 Creative and Smart Ways to Use Memes in the Classroom

Use the power of pop culture to promote learning in your classroom.

Humor (well, appropriate humor!) in the classroom is always a great idea. That’s why memes are such a fun and engaging tool to promote learning. They’re a fun and easy way to capture students’ attention and can be used for assignments as an alternative outlet for creative expression.

Creating memes is a fairly simple process. Here are a few tools you can use: Livememe ,  Quickmeme, Meme Generator and AutoMotivator . (A word of caution: These sites have images preloaded that may not be appropriate for your grade level. Be sure to check them out before you let your students loose.) 

Also, sometimes memes cross the line from hilarious to snarky and irreverent in a quick beat. If you choose to assign your students meme creation as a class assignment, be sure to make your expectations clear from the get-go. For example, no foul language, no sexual references, no (implied) cultural insensitivity.

Here are seven ways to engage your students with memes in the classroom.

1. To reinforce class rules and policies

Using humor to remind students of classroom rules is more effective and less threatening than constant verbal reminders. And wouldn’t you rather get your point across with a chuckle than an eye roll and a huffy breath? 

2. To illustrate grammar rules

Combine grammar rules with funny images to help students remember them better. 

3. To build vocabulary

Let your students have a crack at illustrating words on their vocabulary list with memes. It allows for much more creative thinking. Students will have to understand the word fully before they can match it to an image. Also, memes are much less boring than your standard vocabulary worksheet.  

4. To respond to literature.  

Assign students to small groups and have each group create a meme to summarize a section of the class novel (or a set of chapters from the class novel). 

Here’s how one teacher used memes for an assignment when her students were reading   Hunger Games: Catching Fire.

5. To introduce concepts and units with humor

Engage your students in a topic before you even begin by creating and displaying an intriguing meme to catch their attention as they walk into the classroom.

6. To respond to historical events

Make history lessons relevant by putting a modern twist on your students’ method of expression. Click on the link above to read more about “the power that memes have to foster storytellers and connect students with experiences and individuals from the past.”

7. To lighten up your math class

Most students would be hard-pressed to find the humor in mathematics, but memes lighten up the topic and put students in a creative frame of mind to find solutions. 

For more ideas about using memes in the classroom, check out ISTE’s 5 Ways to Use Memes with Students.  

What is your favorite way to use memes in the classroom? Come share in our WeAreTeachers Helpline group on Facebook.

Also, check out How I Use Instagram in High School Language Arts . 

You Might Also Like

30 Back-to-School Memes for Teachers That Will Have You Saying “Same”

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GRACIOUS QUOTES

61 inspiring & funny homework quotes (assignment), top 25 most famous quotes about homework (best).

“Education is a cause very close to me. What matters is encouraging my fans to focus on their education, because only an educated generation can ensure a better future. Even when I was on tour, I did my homework and studied.” Martin Garrix

“No kid should be getting three or four hours of homework a night. There’s no breathing time, there’s no family time, there are just extracurriculars and homework and then go to bed.” Ross W. Greene

“I feel sorry for kids these days. They get so much homework. Remember the days when we put a belt around our two books and carried them home? Now they’re dragging a suitcase. They have school all day, then homework from six until eleven. There’s no time left to be creative .” Tom Petty

“I’ve always been surrounded by many great people and professors, but my family , especially my mom who was a teacher, was the person who encouraged me to study and pushed me to continue. When we’re young, we don’t understand why our parents bug us so much with school and doing homework, but it’s a blessing to have that support at home.” Bad Bunny

“After your first job, is anyone asking you what your GPA was? No, they don’t care. They ask you: Are you a good leader? Do people follow you? Do you have integrity ? Are you innovative ? Do you solve problems? Somebody’s got to do that homework and redesign the educational system so that it can actually train people to be successful in life.” Neil deGrasse Tyson

“You have got to pay attention, you have got to study and you have to do your homework. You have to score higher than everybody else. Otherwise, there is always somebody there waiting to take your place.” Daisy Fuentes

“Growing up, I ate, slept and breathed hockey. I got home from school, I shot pucks, played outdoor hockey, road hockey, go home for dinner… Remember this is pre-Internet, barely any video games, I had a Commodore Vic-20. If you weren’t doing your homework, you were outside playing hockey, most likely.” Chris Pronger

10 Funny, Yet Inspiring, Quotes About Homework (ASSIGNMENT)

26 Wise Quotes About Homework that Will Make You Think (WISDOM)

“When I was growing up, my parents told me, ‘Finish your dinner. People in China and India are starving.’ I tell my daughters, ‘Finish your homework. People in India and China are starving for your job.'” Thomas Friedman

“Homework should be a swear word. Every time teachers say it, they should have to put money in a jar and then, when there’s enough, they need to buy all the kids ice cream.” Rachel Inbar

“When my son Nandan was in middle school, I had a fun way of doing his math homework. I bought another set of mathematics books and both of us would sit side by side and start solving problems.” Suhasini Maniratnam

“You guys got big uglies, fuumm-bull, and ‘Whoa, Nellie.’ What I got was, ‘Lindsey, why are the trash cans still out front?’ ‘This homework needs more work,’ and the inevitable was, ‘How fast were you really going?'” Keith Jackson

“By providing every student with a quality education , and the materials they need for class and to do their homework, we can help students from all backgrounds learn and thrive.” London Breed

(MUST READ) Homework for Grown-ups: Everything You Learnt at School… and Promptly Forgot

• 80 Complacency Quotes to Inspire You to Hustle (SUCCESS)
• 65 Most Inspiring Quotes About Beauty (EMBRACE)
• 59 Inspirational Quotes on Being a Gentleman (CLASS)
• 59 Satisfaction Quotes to Inspire Success (HAPPINESS)
• 70 Relaxing Quotes for Your Peaceful Soul (ENJOY)
• Top 60 Quotes About Reputation (CHARACTER)
• 70 Inspiring Quotes About Empathy (COMPASSION)
• 65 Motivational Quotes About Goal Setting (SUCCESS)

62 Inspirational Quotes on Independence (FREEDOM)

55 thought-provoking time travel quotes (future).

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Our favourite Project Management memes (updated for 2023)

Sometimes Project Managers need the perfect meme to capture how they're feeling. Take a look at these memes we've pulled together to help you keep your sanity!

This is our #1 priority... and so is this!

What happens when you have 2 #1 priorities?

That Friday feeling...

It's Friday, time to kick back for a couple of days and rela...oh.

Don't fall for it

Ha! Ha! Ha! oh :(

Status report anyone?

Don't get upset boss, just look at this beautiful status report!

For the classics fans!

Start of the year? End of the year? Middle of the year? Sometimes a PMs life feels a bit Sisyphean

We've all been there

We know it's wrong, we know we'll regret it, but your in a meeting and it's just going to feel so great to say yes!

This time, it's the perfect plan!

Definitely going to work this time, we've got everything planned, signed off and laid out in our PM tool...

It's that monday feeling!

Should never have opened the inbox!

When you take over a project mid implementation

Up front you're told it's all rosey and you just need to see the project over the line, day one with the team you realise something you need to tell management!

No, this is just a wireframe...

Youv'e got to take the small wins when you get them, celebrate!

Monday mornings be like

You're back in the office after a break and feeling great, how long does it take before you're dragged back down?

Darth Project Manager

You probably shouldn't model your project management style on Darth Vader, but it would make some things a lot simpler 😀

Deliver that project on time? or...

You know you feel this pressure! what you going to do?

"Deadline"?

For when you definitely respect the deadline

Management material

At least when someone dumps the blame on you, you've got the perfect meme!

You're managing your project how?

Obviously we have some opinions on a good project management tool

When your project is almost going too well...

Put it on the backlog...

For when you're totally in control of things

At least if you can keep all of the on-fire parts of your project together in one place things shouldn't be able to get any worse right?

What was on your other screen?!

When you finally understand the company strategy

Well done me!

You deserve a medal!

Can you hear me...

Working from home can lead to some deterioration...

Avoid these 5 Trello mistakes!

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Funny Whatsapp Status: 140+ New Comedy and Funny Status Ideas to share the Laughter in 2023

Check out these Funny Whatsapp Statuses, and get laughing!

WhatsApp is one of the most popular messaging/calling platforms today. Millions of people use WhatsApp to communicate with their loved ones. WhatsApp is a messaging platform allowing you to upload stories and video calls. People use WhatsApp to connect with others and showcase parts of their lives.

Having a good WhatsApp status is important so people know what’s on your mind. A good WhatsApp status can communicate your feelings without saying much. So are you looking at being funny? Try out these 150+ Funny Whatsapp statuses, and get everyone laughing instantly!

140+ Funny WhatsApp Status lines that make you laugh

• Mr funnybones
• Mrs funnybones
• Miss funnybones
• Funny by nature.
• Funny, that’s all that matters.
• Naturally funny.
• I was born intelligent, education ruined me.
• Life is short, don’t be too serious.
• Life is too short to be serious.
• Delete your chats. Forget your past.
• Hey there, I’m using my parents
• Who says men don’t have feelings? We feel hungry.
• Our teacher spoke for an hour about not wasting time.
• Billions of people on this planet and I am still single.
• Too funny to be legal.
• Please don’t eat the pet.
• If you want to see someone’s true nature, make them use a computer with slow internet.
• Hey there! I’m using my brain.
• Using half my brain.
• Only using a couple of brain cells.
• This conversation doesn’t require me to use my brains.
• Today I’m on airplane mode. Do not disturb.
• The toilet is the most peaceful place in my house.
• Never take your ex back. Do you go to the junkyard to pick up stuff you threw away?
• Never laugh at your wife’s choices.You are one of them.
• Funny by nature, funny by default.
• I can’t remember what I said 5 minutes ago.
• Sorry about the drunken texts. My phone was hammered.
• If a bird hits your windshield, is it angry birds?
• I have a plastic bag full of plastic bags at home.
• I try working out everyday but pancakes are just too delicious.
• Will sell my soul for waffles.
• My parents are like Google. They interrupt before I can complete a sentence.
• Warning- I know kung-fu and other dangerous words.
• You are only as good looking as your photoshop trial.
• Vegetarians are not allowed.
• 6 packs coming soon.
• WhatsApp free hai, main Nahi.
• If you throw an old Nokia phone at someone, you can give them a concussion.
• Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you.
• If someone hates you for nothing, give them something.
• I am attractive only to bugs.
• Decided to burn calories today so I torched a fat kid.
• I love you more than I love cake.
• Google must be female – she knows everything.
• If you love someone, set them free. If they return, set them on fire.
• My life is one big LOL.
• Not always available, try your luck.
• Did Luis Suarez bite the Apple logo?
• You can do anything but not everything.
• Food is my dude.
• Please don’t ask me to find the value of X. I’m trying to let go.
• Phone on airplane mode but still can’t fly.
• Oh! Game over and you lost me.
• Waiting for “Ache Din”
• Hey there WHATSAPP is using me.
• In a relationship with academics, it’s complicated.
• Teamwork matters, but I matter more.
• If a girl looks pretty in her Aadhaar card, marry her.
• Don’t commit the same mistakes. Make new ones.
• People say love is important, but so is oxygen.
• Don’t lie. Edit the truth.
• You call it cheating, for me it’s teamwork.
• Life is beautiful. from Friday to Monday.
• Installing love… 44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first.
• In high school I attended my favourite subjects, lunch, and recess.
• I text, but may not reply.
• Profile under construction.
• I’m not crazy this is how I am.
• Today everyone’s addicted to a drug called social media.
• Made a list not to forget anything then forgot where I put the list.
• My brain freezes when it’s exam time.
• Don’t drink and drive, smoke and fly.
• My idea of solving a problem is eating it, drinking it or letting it go.
• Dazed and confused.
• Stealing the neighbour’s WiFi.
• Born to be wild.
• Twinkle twinkle little star…can you show me the nearest bar?
• It’s sad that stupidity is not a crime.
• Don’t try too hard, you look like a monkey.
• STUPID = Superbly Talented Unique Person In Demand.
• I ain’t lazy, I’m saving energy.
• Dear brother from another mother.
• Not all men are fools. Some stay single. .
• It’s useless to try too hard.
• If you talk to the wall on Facebook you’re not insane.
• Drinking doesn’t solve anything.
• Final exams are anxiety-inducing.
• Funnier than the funniest person.
• Don’t stop dreaming. Keep sleeping.
• I wish stress burned calories. I would have been a model.
• Be Warned: I’M Bored. This Could Get Dangerous.
• Life Is Full Of Questions. Idiots Are Full Of Answers.
• Please god, give me a thin waistline and a fat bank account, not the other way around.
• My six pack is precious – protected by a layer of fat.
• If we get caught, I don’t know you.
• Hey Monday. I really hate you.
• My room might seem messy but I know where everything is.
• A Quiet Man Is A Thinking Man. A Quiet Woman Is Usually Mad.
• I hate Mondays more than I hate Mondays.
• I’M Going To Stand Outside. So If Anyone Asks, I Am Outstanding.
• Buying chips nowadays means you’re effectively paying for air.
• Math: Mental Abuse To Humans.
• My WiFi signal is stronger than me.
• Never Give Up On Your Dreams. Keep Sleeping
• Women May Not Hit Harder. But They Hit Lower.
• With Great Power Comes Great Electricity Bill.
• Lazy Rule: Can’T Reach It. Don’t Need It.
• I’M Great In Bed. I Can Sleep For Days.
• Dear Karma – here’s a bunch of people you missed.
• A pissed off female is the fastest texter.
• I Can’T Taste My Lips. Could You Do It For Me?
• Interrupt My Sleep & I’Ll Interrupt Your Breathing.
• Don’t Make Me Laugh. I’M Trying To Be Mad At You.
• Behind every great man is an angry woman.
• I am a supermodel. My home is my runway.
• Life Is Short. Smile While You Still Have Teeth.
• I am not to be approached before I’ve had my morning coffee.
• When Life Gives You Lemons, break out the tequila.
• I Am Brilliant Brunette With lots of blonde moments.
• I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode
• I can’t read lips unless they’re touching mine.
• I’ll be back in 2 minutes. If I am not, read this message again.
• I wanted to take over the world – but I overslept.
• I hate my job more than I hate Mondays.
• I hate people who use big words to appear fancy.
• Earlier, I would go out and make excuses at home. Now the opposite happens.
• I want to die on my own terms – in a club with a beer in my hand.
• If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
• Don’t call me cute when I’m mad.
• Can you mute people in real life?
• Even a prison sentence is less painful than a Monday.
• Too tired to give a rat’s ass.
• My phone can’t swim – or so it tried.
• Money runs away from me – and I run away to the mall.
• My brain switches on only after I’ve had my coffee.
• God really made me during one of his creative periods.
• My life is a joke.
• This life is a joke.
• You want to hear a joke about unemployed people? None of them work.
• Limited edition here.
• Please don’t speak to me before I’ve had my coffee.
• Keep sleeping, don’t stop dreaming.
• Laughing 24×7.
• Funny 24×7.

Also Read: WhatsApp About Lines: 400+ Best and Short WhatsApp Bio Captions & Quotes For Boys and Girls

Tips for Creating a Funny WhatsApp Status

• Be original – There’s nothing worse than a copy. Try to be original in your status because that is what makes it funny.
• Short and sweet – Don’t be too verbose. The beauty of a joke lies in its brevity. Ensure that your status is short and sweet.
• Don’t overuse emojis – Do not use too many emojis. Too many emojis can make the status look immature.

Also Read: WhatsApp Group Name List: 200+ Best WhatsApp Group Names for Friends, Family, and More

How to use Funny Status on WhatsApp to engage with your Contacts

Here are some effective ways to use funny statuses on WhatsApp to engage with your contacts:

• Share relatable posts: Humour is most effective when it is relatable. Share jokes or make witty observations about ordinary situations with which your contacts can identify. This will encourage them to engage with your status and share their experiences.
• Use funny memes or GIFs: Memes and GIFs can add fun to your status. Look for memes or GIFs that match your contacts’ interests. This will enhance the appeal of your status and make it more shareable.
• Be Up To Date: Utilize current events or holidays to generate funny statuses relevant to the moment. Like some news, you can describe a recent event and add a fun quotient.

Remember, the key to using funny statuses to connect with your contacts is to be inventive, unique, and pertinent. By using humour and laughter to engage with your contacts, you can build stronger relationships and have more pleasurable conversations.

Therefore, using a funny status on your WhatsApp is very beneficial if you like humor.

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87 FUNNY phrases to post in the statuses and make everyone laugh

87 FUNNY phrases to post in the statuses and make everyone laugh 📱

💡 New 💡 Click on the desired Phrase or Legend to automatically copy it.

Sometimes, funny is all we need to relax. How about starting to amuse your friends and followers through your daily statuses?

You can use your social media statuses to amuse and excite your followers and friends. Start the day by taking a smile from a person.

With that in mind, we’ve selected a great list of funny phrases to post in statuses . Take this opportunity to make everyone laugh a little.

Matter to you?

87 funny phrases for status.

Check out a great list of phrases for you to publish in your Statuses social media and make your friends and followers laugh.

I just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

I would lose weight, but I hate to lose it.

I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I just lie to others!

I wish I could silence people in real life.

I’m not looking for problems. Problems usually find me.

Dear Problems… Please give me some discount… I am your regular customer.

Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.

71 LEARNING Phrases to show your advances in LIFE!

Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real revelation.

You can never buy love, but you still have to pay for it.

Funny Phrases to Post in Statuses

Make people’s day even more fun with these funny phrases for status . Post a funny joke daily and be the fun of your friends.

I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention!

I’m too lazy to stop being lazy.

I really want to work hard. But being lazy is a lot of fun.

If I won the prize for laziness, I would send someone to fetch it for me.

I’m not lazy, I’m in energy saving mode.

I’m not lazy, I prefer the term “selective participation”.

I’m not lazy, just very relaxed.

I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.

Sloth is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we must respect her!

Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.

Take advantage of this opportunity and make the day of your friends and followers happier. use these funny phrases and enjoy your status.

Shopping is an art. I’m an artist. Respect, please.

I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.

I just love my job when I’m on vacation.

I always arrive at the office late, but I make up for it by leaving early.

3 prettier words for a married woman than I LOVE YOU: No Cooking Today.

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.

Behind every big man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Man is the head, but woman is the neck. And she can turn her head however she likes.

You can be right or you can be the husband.

In my house I am the boss, my wife is just the one who makes the decisions.

Funny Phrases for Facebook Status

Check out more fun and funny Status for you to post on your Facebook . Liven up the day of your friends and followers with these phrases.

Women’s Apologies: Sorry, but it was your fault.

Yes, of course I’m athletic… I surf the Internet every day.

This morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

I want someone to give me a loan and then leave me alone.

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

62 Phrases by MÁRIO QUINTANA that will make you reflect on the sweetness of LIFE

I always dreamed of being a millionaire like my uncle! He is also dreaming.

Talking to myself because I’m my own consultant.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

I don’t need a hairdresser, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Funny Phrases for WhatsApp Status

use these fun phrases to post in your status on WhatsApp . Be sure to show your funny side to your contacts. Enjoy!

I swear my pillow could be a hairdresser. I always wake up with the weirdest hairstyles.

I’m not crazy, I prefer the term mentally hilarious.

The hardest thing I ever tried was to be normal.

Out of my mind. I’ll be back in five minutes.

Hi! Whatsapp is using me.

​​Hey, are you reading my status again?

Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my Whatsapp status.

Hey you yeah I’m talking to you why the hell are you reading my status?

Hey you, yes you. The only one reading this. Want to know a secret? You and beautiful. Never give up.

If you’re reading this, I’m sure you have nothing to do with your life.

Funny Phrases for Status on Social Media

Take this opportunity to post several funny phrases on your status on social media and entertain your friends and followers.

So you are checking my status.

My “last seen on” was just to check your “last seen on”.

Say it to my face, not through your status.

Stop checking my status better if you have your own.

WAIT! You have an appointment to see my status.

Tumblr Phrases 2021: The best CAPTIONS for your amazing photos!

Not always available. Try your luck.

Happiness is when “last seen in” changes to “online” and then to “typing”

Low battery, disturb later.

It may seem like I’m not doing anything, but in my mind I’m very busy.

Don’t play stupid with me, I’m better at it!

Fun Phrases to Post in Statuses

use these fun phrases to get laughs from your friends and followers on your status every day.

As soon as they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

Life gives obstacles, but I’m an athlete. So it’s fun.

Life has taught me many lessons, but I also ended those lessons.

I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.

I made a huge to-do list today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do this.

When one door closes, another door must be opened, but if it doesn’t, enter through the window.

If plan A fails, remember that you have 25 letters left.

Sometimes life gives you a second chance because maybe the first time you weren’t ready.

Always give 100% unless you are donating blood.

I was reminded that my blood type is BE POSITIVE!

check out more funny and fun phrases to post in your statuses . Make your social networks livelier and gain more followers and friends.

I have type O positive blood, which I remember for remaining ‘positive optimist’.

I was born to be pessimistic. My blood type is B negative.

It’s not the mirror’s fault if you don’t like your reflection.

I’m just a mirror for you, You’re good, I’m the best, You’re bad, I’m the worst.

I don’t have time to hate the people who hate me because I’m busy loving the people who love me.

72 FUNNY Phrases Every Mother Says (But Doesn’t Recognize)

Come live in my heart and don’t pay rent.

Dear stress let’s break up.

I wish I had a delete button in my life. To erase some people, some memories and some feelings.

I would like to apologize to someone I have NOT offended. Please patient, I will get in touch with you soon.

Having a child makes you a parent; By having two, you are an arbitrator.

Fun Phrases for Facebook Status

use these fun Facebook status phrases and make the day of your friends and followers more smiling.

Has anyone noticed that “STUDYING” is a mixture of STUDYING and DIE?

I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Physically Mentally Emotionally TIRED.

Life: Other than gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Wait until the movie starts eating its popcorn, the hardest thing in the world.

Every time I take a picture I get hungry because I hear ‘cheese’ so I start thinking about a good cheese sandwich.

My hobbies are breakfast, lunch and dinner.

45 Indirect Phrases for people who find themselves: set LIMITS!

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

Never judge the book by its movie.

It’s always the wrong person who teaches you the right things in life.

I know who I am, you don’t need to explain.

I’m a sweet lil girl, but if you drive me crazy, remember I always have a pocket full of crazy people waiting to go out!!

Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it’ll all be over.

did you like the funny phrases to post in your statuses ? So don’t waste any more time and share with your friends and family.

Cláudio Bernardo has a degree in technology, a web writer and a passion for history fiction books. In his spare time he enjoys studying and writing articles about general knowledge and playing classical guitar.

Discover more articles in our categories Captions & Quotes & Luxe et 90s Outfits .

Thanks for visiting we hope our article 87 FUNNY phrases to post in the statuses and make everyone laugh , don’t forget to share the article on Facebook, instagram and e-mail with the hashtag ☑️ #FUNNY #phrases #post #statuses #laugh ☑️!

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10 Dilbert Cartoons That Get Project Management Just Right

Rachel Burger

I was doomed to be an office worker because of my upbringing.

My father loves Dilbert . The family bookshelves are stuffed full with classics like Bring Me the Head of Willy the Mailboy , It's Obvious You Won't Survive By Your Wits Alone , and the management classic, The Dilbert Principle .

Over the past 26 years, Scott Adams has entertained millions of readers with his humorous workplace satire--and also poignantly highlighted some workplace problems that many easily glaze over.

One particular community that seems enamored of  Dilbert is project managers. Many have been in offices where they have been micromanaged… or have become the pointy-haired boss themselves.

After scraping through thousands of Dilbert cartoons, I’ve found the best strips related to project management humor. Enjoy.

Project managers with a PMP certification tend to outperform those who don’t have one. In order to pass the PMP exam, project managers must memorize project management vocabulary, understand project management processes, have experience in managing projects and, in some cases, must have taken project management courses .

With that said, PMPs can all too often get wrapped up in the minutiae of good processes--so much so that they hold them above the people they’re working with. No one wants to waste time in meetings, even if it’s vaguely recommended by other PMPs. Keep yourself grounded with real-time communication and simplified reporting that everyone can access and keep updated with instead of relying on meetings to do so.

“Resource allocation” is a term familiar to many project managers, and it can often refer to people in addition to non-human assets.

Project management can often be a cold industry, where numbers and deadlines outweigh your team members’ desires and even capabilities. Keep in mind that your team members are people and that they each have their own unique needs and values.

For many companies, risk management software adds safety to your project.

Unfortunately, even the best systems can’t function without the cognitive skills of a human working on the project (unfortunately, the successful Turing test has yet to come to risk software). If the data that you input does not match reality, your software will become useless.

The Project Management Institute has continually found that poor communication is at the heart of most project failures .

There are many reasons for this, but the most common mistake that leads to poor communication is a poor system. Emailing every thought is unsustainable, but zero communication ultimately leads to project failure.

Investing in project management software is one of the best ways of addressing communication issues. In fact, 52% of project managers say that communication was “significantly improved” after implementing PM software. Consider using PM software instead of email--for instance, tools like Asana , Wrike , and Trello can help optimize communication.

In this article, we mentioned Asana, one of the most reviewed project management solutions in Capterra's directory. If you woud like to explore similar products, these Asana alternatives are a great starting point.

We have all met this project manager (or boss).

The know-it-all attitude is not only grating but also unhelpful. No team member wants to work for a “holier than thou” manager in any setting.

In this strip, Ratbert does not consider the skills of those he’s working with--he wants to dole out menial tasks while he does all the real thinking. Project managers cannot expect to come up with the best solutions to all problems all the time, and they can’t expect to have all their team’s individualized, specialized skills.

Make use of your team--distrusting your team to do any of the critical thinking will only end in disaster.

Along the same lines as the previous cartoon, here Dilbert doesn’t trust his team not to sabotage his project. Unfortunately, that means he is not sharing the purpose or the scope of the project.

Can you spell d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r?

There is little that can be gained from keeping your team members in the dark. Transparency is the key to trust --and a team that trusts its leader will outperform those that don’t. Every time.

As far as communication goes, I often hear project managers complain about their team members refusing to put in updates to their software, or having to chase down individuals for simple status updates.

On the other end of the spectrum, it’s also up to project managers to keep themselves informed. If checking status reports and staying up to date isn’t a part of your daily routine, you are opening up your project to unnecessary risk. Forecasts and requirements easily change. Don’t fall victim to your own inability to receive information.

We’ve all heard stories about difficult team members . Some project managers get frustrated and chalk up inefficiencies with an unalterable personality trait. For example, the project manager here might think Wally is lazy, unavailable, and insubordinate.

In this case, that might very well be the reality. In the real world, however, there are many more variables. For example, the team member might think you’re unapproachable, unrealistic, and cold.

Invest in cultivating your workplace personality to best fit with project management , and try to get real-time feedback from your team members about your management style. Don’t wait for them to come to you.

We’ve all experienced this problem. Unfortunately, dependencies are the greatest downfall to the Waterfall method of project management.

Going Agile, particularly for software products, is one way of addressing this issue, as is having realistic deadlines and properly matched tasks with skills.

Well, that and hiring competent employees, as is the issue in this strip.

Ah narcissism.

Listen when your team is trying to communicate with you. If you’ve built a reputation for poorly receiving information and status updates, you’ve set yourself up for poor team management.

No one wants to be the pointy-haired boss.

Was this article helpful?

About the author.

Rachel is a former Capterra analyst who covered project management.

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Get Your Daily Dose of Humor with 251 Funny WhatsApp Statuses

Social media platforms have become an integral part of our lives. One such platform that has taken the world by storm is WhatsApp. With over 2 billion active users worldwide, WhatsApp has become the go-to app for communication. One of the app’s unique features is the ability to update your status, which is visible to your contacts. Whether you want to share your current mood or let your friends know what you’re up to, a funny status update on whatsapp is a great way to do so.

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WhatsApp status is great for personal and professional use. A funny status can show your personality and give a break from daily routine. In this article, we will explore creative and unique quotes that are sure to leave your contacts laughing.

Check out for Some Funny Gifts with Sarcastic Quotes

Our curated list contains 150 unique and hilarious one-liners covering a variety of topics, including relationships, college life, office frustration, and more. The quotes will be written in a conversational style, utilizing personal pronouns and rhetorical questions to engage the reader ensuring a lasting impression on your contacts.

Funny Status to Impress a Girl

When it comes to impressing a girl, a little bit of humor can go a long way. Using funny and witty WhatsApp statuses is a great way to catch her attention and show off your personality. With the right balance of humor and charm, you can make a lasting impression on that special someone you’ve been eyeing. We’ve compiled a list of hilarious WhatsApp statuses that are sure to impress any girl. So get ready to make her laugh and win her heart!

“You stole my heart, but I’ll let you keep it.”💕🔐

“You’re the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut butter to my jelly, and the ketchup to my fries.”🧀🍝🥜🍇🍅🍟

“I’m not a photographer, but I can definitely picture us together forever.”📷💭💕

“I love you more than coffee. And you know how much I love coffee.” ☕️❤️

“I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you.” 👀💘

“I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.” 😊📱💕

“You’re the missing puzzle piece to my incomplete heart.” 💔💟🧩

“I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.” ❄️💘

“I’m not a genie, but I can make your wishes come true.” 🧞‍♀️✨💫

“If I were a cat, I’d spend all 9 lives with you.”😻❤️

“I may not be a superhero, but I’ll always be your sidekick.” 🦸‍♀️🦹‍♂️💕

“I’m not a mathematician, but I’m pretty sure we’re meant to be together.” ➕💭💕

“You’re the reason I wake up with a smile on my face every morning.” 😃💤☀️

“I’m not perfect, but I’m perfect for you.” 💁‍♀️💁‍♂️💕

“I never knew what love was until I met you, and now I can’t imagine life without you.” 💘💭🌟

“You make every day better just by being in it.” 🌈🌞💕

“You light up my world like nobody else.” 💡🌎💕

“I’m not a mind reader, but I know exactly what you need – more of me!” 😜💕

“I’m not a poet, but I’ll write you a love letter every day for the rest of our lives.” 💌💕📝

“You’re my lobster. (If you know, you know.)” 🦞💕

“I never knew I needed someone in my life until I met you, and now I can’t imagine life without you.” 💘💭🌟

“You’re my sunshine on a cloudy day.” ☀️🌥️💕

“I must be a bank loan because you have my interest.” 💰💭💕

“I’m not an artist, but I’ll paint a beautiful future with you.” 🎨🌅💕

“I’m not a baker, but I can definitely make your heart melt.” 🧁💕😋

“You make me a better person just by being in my life.”

“I’m not a rocket scientist, but I know we have chemistry.” 🚀⚗️💘

“I’m not a genie, but I can grant you unlimited love and happiness.” 🦸‍♀️💘

“I’m not a magician, but I can make your heart skip a beat.” ✨💓

“You’re my better half, my partner in crime, and my forever love.” 💕👩‍❤️‍👨

Short and Funny Whatsapp Status for Your Boyfriend

Updating your Whatsapp status with a short and funny caption is a great way to make your boyfriend smile. These statuses are sure to brighten his day, make him laugh out loud or smile. So why wait? Start scrolling through our list of hilarious WhatsApp statuses and find the perfect one to share on your whatsapp status!

“I love you more than pizza 🍕❤️”

“I am so grateful for you in my life 💕😘”

“You are my happy place 🌈☀️”

“You are the missing puzzle piece that completes me 🧩😍”

“Every moment with you is a treasure 💎😍”

“You make my heart skip a beat 💓🥰”

“I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you by my side 💫😊”

“I never knew love could be this amazing until I met you ❤️😌”

“My heart races every time I see your name on my phone ❤️📱”

“I fall in love with you more and more every day 💕🥰”

“You make even the most mundane moments feel magical ✨😘”

“I feel so blessed to have you in my life 🙏❤️”

“I can’t wait to make more memories with you 💭🥰”

“You are my sunshine on a cloudy day ☀️💕”

“Being with you is my favorite place to be 💖😘”

“You are the apple of my eye 🍎😍”

“I am so proud to call you mine 😊❤️”

“My heart beats for you and only you 💓🥰”

“You make my world a better place 🌎💕”

“I could spend eternity looking into your eyes 😍💘”

“I can’t imagine life without you in it ❤️😌”

“You are my forever and always 💍💖”

“You are my favorite adventure 🌍🥰”

“I feel so lucky to have found my soulmate in you ❤️😊”

“I love you to the moon and back 🌙💕”

“You are the peanut butter to my jelly 🥜🍇😘”

“My heart races every time I think of you 💓🤗”

“I am so grateful for your love and support 💕🙏”

“I love you more than words can express ❤️😍”

“You are my happily ever after 💖🥰”

“I don’t need a superhero, I have you by my side ❤️🦸‍♂️”

“Every moment spent with you feels like a fairytale 🧚‍♀️✨”

“I am so lucky to have found someone like you 😍❤️”

“Being with you is like being in a constant state of happiness 😊💕”

“I never want to let go of your hand 💕👫”

“I never believed in soulmates until I met you ❤️💫”

“Every love song I hear reminds me of you 💘🎶”

“I never knew love could be this amazing 😍💖”

“The more I get to know you, the more I fall in love with you 😘❤️”

“Thank you for being the missing puzzle piece in my life 🧩💞”

“You light up my world like nobody else 🌟💖”

“I’m so grateful to have you as my partner in crime 😜❤️”

“I’m addicted to the way you make me feel 😍💕”

“You are my happily ever after 💘👑”

“I love you more than words can express ❤️💬”

“With you, I feel like I can conquer the world 🌍💪”

“Thank you for loving me for who I am 😊❤️”

“I never want to lose the amazing connection we have 💞🔗”

“You are the missing piece that completed my heart ❤️🧩”

“I cherish every moment we spend together and look forward to many more to come 💕👫”

“I fall in love with you more and more every day 😘💖”

“I can’t imagine my life without you in it 💕🌈”

“You make even the most mundane tasks exciting with your presence 😜❤️”

“I’m so lucky to have a partner like you who supports and encourages me in everything I do 💪❤️”

“The way you look at me makes my heart skip a beat 💓😍”

“I love how we can be ourselves around each other, no pretenses needed 😊💕”

“You make my heart skip a beat and my face light up with a smile 💖😊”

“I feel like I can be my truest self when I’m with you 😊❤️”

“I never thought I could find someone who loves me as much as you do 😍💕”

“I love you to the moon and back, and then some ❤️🌙💫”

Funny Whatsapp Status for Best Friend’s Birthday

Birthdays are always special, but when it’s your best friend’s birthday, it’s a whole other level of celebration! One great way to show your love and appreciation for your best friend is by posting a funny and witty status on Whatsapp. Whether you want to make them laugh or just bring a smile to their face, a funny Whatsapp status for your best friend’s birthday is a surefire way to make their day even more memorable. So get ready to celebrate your best friend’s birthday in style with some hilarious and entertaining Whatsapp statuses!

“Happy birthday to my best friend! I promise not to reveal your age… unless you insist on having birthday candles that spell it out 😉🎂”

“Another year older and still as awesome as ever! Happy birthday to my partner in crime 🎉🥳”

“You may be getting older, but you’re not getting any wiser 😉 Happy birthday to my favorite troublemaker 🎈🤪”

“Happy birthday to the one person I can always count on to laugh at my jokes, even when they’re not funny 😂🎉”

“Another year of friendship means another year of embarrassing photos to use as blackmail! Happy birthday, my dear friend 📸🎂”

“I can’t believe we’ve been best friends for another year! You must be doing something right 😉 Happy birthday 🎉🎈”

“Happy birthday to the one person who knows all my secrets and hasn’t revealed them… yet 👀🎂”

“On your special day, I just wanted to remind you that you owe me for all the times I’ve made you look good in front of our friends 😉 Happy birthday 🥳👯‍♀️”

“Another year of friendship means another year of pretending to like the same things… just for you 😉 Happy birthday 🎉🎂”

“Happy birthday to my best friend, partner in crime, and fellow procrastinator 🎈🤪”

“Another year of wrinkles, gray hair, and… oh wait, that’s just me! Happy birthday to my forever young friend 🥳😜”

“Happy birthday to the one person who truly understands my weirdness and still loves me for it 🤪🎉”

“I know you’re getting older, but don’t worry… you’re still not as old as me! Happy birthday, my friend 🎂👵”

“Happy birthday to my favorite human pillow, my go-to for emotional support, and my partner in crime 👯‍♀️🎉”

“On your special day, I just wanted to remind you that we’re stuck together for life… whether you like it or not 😉 Happy birthday 🎈🥳”

“Happy birthday to the one person who always has my back, even when I’m being ridiculous 🤪🎂”

“Another year of friendship means another year of inside jokes and embarrassing memories 🤫 Happy birthday, my friend 🎉😜”

“Happy birthday to my partner in crime, my confidant, and the one person who understands my love for pizza 🍕🥳”

“On your special day, I just wanted to remind you that I’m the better looking one in this friendship 😉 Happy birthday 🎂😉”

“Happy birthday to my best friend and the only person I would trust with my deepest, darkest secrets… just don’t reveal them on your birthday speech 😉🎉”

Hilarious Whatsapp Caption Ideas for Students

“I study for hours and still forget everything 🤯📚”

“Why do we have to take exams? Can’t our grades be based on how well we can fake being awake in class? 😴📝”

“I have a love-hate relationship with my textbooks 📖❤️🤬”

“I thought college was about partying, but it turns out it’s about staring at a blank Word document for hours 🤔💻”

“Why do professors assign readings? Don’t they know SparkNotes exists? 😜📖”

“I don’t procrastinate, I just work best under pressure 😎⏰”

“My GPA is so low, it’s practically underground 🤦‍♀️👎”

“Coffee is the only thing that gets me through 8AM lectures ☕️👀”

“I’m not lazy, I’m energy-efficient 🙃⚡️”

“I’m not a morning person, I’m a mourning person because I have to wake up early for class 😭☀️”

“The only thing harder than my exams is trying to pronounce my professor’s last name 🤪🗣️”

“I don’t always understand what’s going on in class, but I pretend like I do 🤫👀”

“I didn’t choose the college life, the college life chose me 🤷‍♂️🎓”

“I don’t need a degree, I just need a good wifi connection and a dream 🤑💻”

“College is like a full-time job, but without the benefits 🤕💼”

“I’m not slacking off, I’m just embracing the work-life imbalance 🤪⚖️”

“I’m not failing, I’m just setting a low curve 📊👎”

“Why do I need a study group when I have Google? 🤔🧐”

“I didn’t come to college to make friends, I came to get a degree and avoid eye contact with people 🙅‍♂️😬”

“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, but at least I’m doing it on a student discount 🤑🎓”

“The only thing I’m learning in college is how to survive on 4 hours of sleep 🥱💤”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just saving my energy for when I’m a millionaire 😜💰”

“College is where you pay to learn, but the real lessons come from the debt you’ll be in for the rest of your life 🤯💸”

“I don’t need a plan, I need a miracle 😅🙏”

“I didn’t come to college to learn how to adult, but that’s what I’m being graded on 🙄👨‍🎓”

“I thought college would be like a movie, but it’s more like a never-ending documentary 🎬🎥”

“I’m not a morning person or a night owl, I’m a perpetually exhausted pigeon 🐦😴”

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just doing a thorough job of avoiding work 😅🔍”

“College is where you learn that sleep is a luxury, not a necessity 😴💸”

“Why do we have to study so hard? Can’t we just Google everything? 🤔🤯”

“I may be a student, but procrastination is my profession. 😴📚”

“I have a love-hate relationship with studying. I love to hate it. 😒❤️”

“The only thing I’m learning in college is how to survive on minimal sleep. 😴🎓”

“I thought college was going to be fun, but then I met my textbooks. 📚😫”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy for my next exam. 😜💤”

“The only thing I’m good at is cramming for exams and forgetting everything after. 🤓📝”

“Why is it called a ‘final exam’? It feels like the end of the world. 😭🌍”

“I wish my grades were as good as my ability to make excuses. 😅📈”

“I’m not failing, I’m just succeeding in finding new ways to do things wrong. 😂👎”

Funny Monday Blues Quotes Whatsapp Status

Monday mornings can be tough, and many of us struggle with getting back into the groove after a relaxing weekend . But who says Mondays have to be mundane? Spice up your day and bring a smile to your friends’ faces with some hilarious Monday Blues quotes for your Whatsapp status. From witty one-liners to sarcastic quips, these funny status updates will have you and your friends laughing all day long. So, get ready to beat those Monday Blues and brighten up your day with these hilarious Whatsapp statuses.

“Monday, why you always gotta be like that? 😒🤨”

“Monday is a basic training for the rest of the week. 😅👌”

“I need a coffee IV drip for Mondays. ☕💉”

“Rise and whine, it’s Monday again. 😩😴”

“Dear Monday, I think we should see other people. 👋😉”

“Monday mornings: when the snooze button is your best friend. 😴🛌”

“Monday is a good day to have a good day. Just kidding, it’s impossible. 😂🤣”

“I’m not saying I hate Mondays, but they’re definitely not my favorite. 🙄😑”

“Monday mornings: because nothing wakes you up like the sound of your alarm. 🚨⏰”

“Monday, I have a love/hate relationship with you. ❤️💔”

“Mondays are like a bad hair day for the entire week. 💇‍♀️💇‍♂️”

“I hate Mondays so much, I’m considering becoming a full-time couch potato. 🥔🛋️”

“Monday mornings: the struggle is real. 😫😩”

“I think Monday mornings were invented by a sadistic genius. 😈🤔”

“Monday mornings are like jumping off a cliff and hoping for a miracle. 🤞😵”

“Monday, please be kind to me today. 🙏😇”

“Monday: the only day you can wear the same exact outfit as last week without anyone noticing. 😜🤫”

“Monday mornings: because who needs sleep and relaxation anyway? 😴😩”

“If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 🤛😠”

“Monday mornings: when even your coffee needs a coffee. ☕☕”

“Monday is the root of all evil. 😈💰”

“Monday mornings are like a cruel joke. 😂😭”

“I hate Mondays so much, I might just call in sick for the rest of my life. 🤒📞”

“Monday mornings: the only time you’ll hear me say ‘I need a vacation.’ 🌴🏝️”

“Monday, the only day of the week that needs a warning label. ⚠️😬”

“Mondays are like a kick in the stomach, but worse. 👟💥😫”

“Monday mornings: when the weekend seems like a distant memory. 🤔😔”

“Monday, you’re not my cup of tea. 🍵😒”

“I’m not ready for Monday. I need a few more days of Sunday. 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️”

“Monday mornings: because starting the week off with a bang just sounds painful. 💥😖”

Sarcastic Whatsapp Status to Overcome Office Stress

Office stress can be overwhelming, and sometimes a little bit of sarcasm can help to lighten the mood. If you’re looking for a way to cope with the daily grind, then these sarcastic Whatsapp statuses might just do the trick. With a touch of humor and a dash of irony, these statuses are sure to make you laugh and forget about your work woes, at least for a little while. So, get ready to put a smile on your face and share some sarcasm with your colleagues!

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” 😂🔊

“I have a degree in procrastination, but I keep forgetting to pick it up.” 🎓😅

“If at first, you don’t succeed, redefine success.” 🤔👌

“I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion.” 💬💪

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” 🗣️🤷‍♀️

“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for something important.” 💤🙌

“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.” 🤔👍

“I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m asleep.” 😴😜

“I’m not a morning person, I’m a mourning person.” 😭😴

“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” 💁‍♀️😏

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just temporarily unavailable.” 🙅‍♀️📱

“I’m not arguing, I’m just discussing my passion.” 💬😍

“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.” 🤪🌍

“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.” 😅👀

“I’m not a morning person, I’m a snooze abuser.” 😴👊

“I’m not always right, but when I am, I’m still humble.” 😇🤷‍♂️

“I’m not always late, everyone else is just early.” 🕰️👀

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just waiting for the right moment.” 🤔⏰

“I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.” 🤪💯

“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.” 😅👍

“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.” 😎👌

“I’m not lazy, I’m just strategically conserving my energy.” 💤🧐

“I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.” ☕️😴

“I’m not always busy, sometimes I’m just avoiding someone.” 🤫🙅‍♀️

“I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell.” 😜🤕

“I’m not a morning person, I’m a midnight snacker.” 🍟😴

“I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m actually hilarious.” 😂😜

“I’m not arguing, I’m just trying to convince you I’m right.” 🤷‍♀️💬

“I’m not a morning person, I’m a brunch person.” 🍳🥞😴

“I’m not avoiding work, I’m just prioritizing my happiness.” 😇🤔

Humor in Hard Times: Comical Whatsapp Laid off Statuses

For thos who have been laid off recently, these hilarious WhatsApp statuses will help them laugh through the tough times. From job search woes to newfound freedom, these statuses will have chuckling and forgetting your worries in no time. So update your status if you one of them and spread the laughter with your friends and family.

“Just got laid off, anyone hiring? 😅🤔”

“Unemployment, here I come! 🙌🏼🤑”

“No more work, time to live off ramen noodles 😂🍜”

“Goodbye office, hello pajamas all day 🤪👖”

“Don’t worry, my dog still thinks I have a job 🐶💼”

“So, who wants to start a new business with me? 🤝💼”

“Laid off and feeling free, who’s with me? 🕺🏼💃🏼”

“Guess it’s time to update my LinkedIn profile…🤔💼”

“Finally, time to catch up on all those Netflix shows! 📺🍿”

“Laid off but not down and out! 💪🏼😎”

“Time to turn my hobby into my new career! 🎨🎭”

“Looks like I’ll be spending a lot more time at the gym now…🏋🏼‍♀️💪🏼”

“I got laid off, but at least I have my cat to keep me company 🐱❤️”

“Laid off, but don’t worry, my mom still thinks I’m a star ⭐️😂”

“Laid off, but now I can finally pursue my dream of becoming a professional napper 😴🛌”

“Looks like I’ll have to start rationing my coffee now… ☕️😅”

“Well, I guess I can cross ‘getting laid off’ off my bucket list 🤷🏼‍♀️📝”

“No job, no problem, time to hit the beach ! 🏖️🌞”

“Laid off, but now I have plenty of time to practice my dance moves 💃🏼🎶”

“On the bright side, I won’t have to deal with those annoying coworkers anymore! 😝👋🏼”

“I guess I’ll have to start my own company now 🤔💼”

“Free at last, free at last! No more boring meetings or deadlines 🙌🏼🎉”

“I may be unemployed, but at least I’m not stuck in a dead-end job anymore 🤷🏻‍♂️👋🏼”

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade 🍋🍹”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m a consultant on sabbatical 😎💼”

“I didn’t lose my job, my job lost me 😜💼”

“Now I have more time to work on my side hustle 🚀💰”

“I may not have a job, but I have my sense of humor 😂👌🏼”

“When one door closes, another opens. Or you can just kick down the door 😏🚪”

“Time to start that YouTube channel I’ve been thinking about 📹🎬”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m just between adventures 🌍🧳”

“I’m not jobless, I’m just taking a break from adulting 🤪🤘🏼”

“I’ve always wanted to be a full-time Netflix binge watcher 🍿👀”

“I may be out of work, but I’m not out of beer 🍺👍🏼”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m just exploring other career options 🤔💡”

“I may be laid off, but at least I’m not the person who made the decision to lay me off 😒🤷🏻‍♀️”

“Now I can finally pursue my dream of being a professional napper 😴🛌”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m just taking a gap year from the workforce 👨🏻‍🎓✈️”

“I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home pet parent 🐶🐱🏠”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m just on an extended vacation from corporate life 🏝️🌴”

“Now I have more time to perfect my cooking skills 🍳👨🏼‍🍳”

“I may not have a job, but I have my friends and family 🥰❤️”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m just taking a pause to figure out what I really want to do in life 🤔🧐”

“I may not have a steady income, but at least I have my creativity 🎨🖌️”

“I’m not jobless, I’m just on a break to recharge my batteries 🔋💪🏼”

“I may be out of work, but I’m not out of ideas 💡💡”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m just in transition 🤝🤔”

“Now I can finally focus on my passion project full-time 🚀💻”

“I may be laid off, but I’m still fabulous 💁🏻‍♀️💅🏼”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m just on a hiatus from the daily grind. 😎💼”

A funny WhatsApp status is an excellent way to showcase your personality and provide some much-needed laughter to your contacts. Whether you are looking to break the ice with a new contact or just want to lighten the mood, these funny WhatsApp status quotes are sure to do the trick. By following the tips provided in this article, you can also come up with your own unique status quotes that reflect your personality and sense of humor. So go ahead, give your contacts a reason to smile, and make your presence felt on this popular messaging app.

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Home Social Media WhatsApp 240 Funny WhatsApp Statuses to Make Your Friends Laugh

240 Funny WhatsApp Statuses to Make Your Friends Laugh

Statuses in WhatsApp

While WhatsApp tries very hard to distinguish itself from its social media cousins, it does have one social media-type feature that has become very popular:  Statuses. You can set a status in WhatsApp, which lets your friends see what you’re up to without having to ping you with a message or a call. This could be anything from a green dot to indicate you’re available to chat, an away message, or a serious threat against anyone who dare disturb you.

Beyond the basic statuses of  “Available” or “Away,” WhatsApp lets you add your own text message to show as your status. This makes the feature kind of a combination of the old-school status and a short Facebook or Twitter update. It’s a very popular feature, since it lets you give out meaningful or amusing information without forcing people to ping you to be updated and forcing you to respond. It’s just there and visible, so you can literally tell people what you’re doing. You can also send out an active status update to all of your contacts to let them know you’re ready to talk!

How to Change your WhatsApp Status

There are two types of WhatsApp status: your “About” (the old-school way of status-setting), which sets the status people see when they look at your profile, and the relatively new “Status” page (a knock-off Instagram stories feature), which sends out an update. The two statuses are different; changing one will not change the other.

Changing the Permanent Status

• Open the WhatsApp app.
• Tap the three-dot icon in the upper right corner of the screen.
• Tap “Settings” in the menu that pops up.
• Tap your name, then tap the edit button (the pen icon) under “About”.
• Select a default status from the menu, or tap the edit button under “Currently set to” and type a new status.
• Hit the back button in the upper left-hand corner twice.

Sending Out a Status Update

• Tap the “Status” tab between the “Chats” and “Calls” tab at the top of the app.
• Tap “My Status”.
• Add a new picture or video and a caption.
• Hit the right arrow button to send the status out to your contacts list.

Note that unlike the permanent status update above, the statuses you send out to your contact list will disappear after 24 hours.

WhatsApp statuses are not only for serious communication. What would be the fun in that? If you’re looking for a funny WhatsApp status to make your friends chuckle, we’ve got some great suggestions for you. With these hilarious statuses, you’ll be able to grab your friends’ attention immediately. Check them out below!

Funny WhatsApp Status/About Ideas

Without further ado, here are some statuses you and/or your friends might find amusing.  Try them out and see if you get any laughs. Note that the WhatsApp About field is limited to 139 characters, so you can’t put in long jokes. Remember:  Brevity is the soul of wit.

• I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode.
• I love that our effortless friendship matches my inability to answer messages on time.
• When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.
• Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
• My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
• I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
• I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
• If people are talking behind your back,  that’s a good time to fart.
• Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
• Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
• A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
• Never trust a dog to watch your food.
• I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
• My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
• Dyslexics are teople poo.
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
• My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
• Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
• “Employee of the Month” is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
• Hey, I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, just read this message again.
• I’ve been diagnosed with “awesomeness.” You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught it.
• I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit.”
• My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
• You smell like hidden motives, get away from me.
• The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
• Did you hear that joke that doesn’t offend anyone?  Neither did I.
• You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.
• My girlfriend keeps stealing my sweatshirts, and I keep replacing them.  We now have 450 sweatshirts, and they’re all in her closet.
• Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
• Of course I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice.
• Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.
• Make your weird light shine bright, so the other weirdos know where to find you.
• I’m so tired, my tired is tired.
• I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.
• I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
• I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

• Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.
• Hey there! You are using WhatsApp.
• Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.
• Be smarter than your smartphone.
• If you’re still looking for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• It’s not that I don’t want to go to work.  I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.
• Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they’re dealing with.
• I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
• I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.
• I’m naturally funny because my whole life is a joke.
• I am not perfect, but I am a limited edition.
• Hey there! WhatsApp is using me.
• I’m not saying you’ve got problems, but have you tried turning yourself off and rebooting?
• I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
• If at first you don’t succeed, we have a lot in common.
• Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• Fair warning: I know karate. …and some other words.
• True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-Fi connect automatically.
• I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
• Did you know that dolphins are so smart that they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
• My job is secure. No one else wants it.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.
• We aren’t friends until we start insulting each other on a daily basis.
• There is no “i” in denial.
• I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car.
• I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.
• If you’re looking for a present for me, I take a size large briefcase in hundred dollar bills.
• They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
• I don’t worry about terrorism. I’ve been married.
• Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
• I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.
• I eat my tacos over a tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, bonus burrito.
• Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.
• A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes!
• I have three kids and no money. Why I can’t I have no kids and three money?
• If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple of car payments.

• I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
• Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
• I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
• What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
• Status unavailable. Please reload and try again.
• I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
• I named my dog “6 Miles” so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
• I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.
• She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
• A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
• When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
• Welcome to WhatsApp.  Our specials tonight are grouper and chicken ala king.
• I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter, and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade”.
• Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
• I salute all my haters with my middle finger.
• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
• Me? Sarcastic? Never.
• An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
• To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
• Today I have the motivation of a potato.  Don’t hold your breath for a response.
• I see that you’re online.  I am online too.  Wanna, like, chat?
• I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean I guess.
• My son asked me what it’s like to be married, so I told him to leave me alone. When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.
• I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
• My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
• You think I’m cute when I’m mad? Well, buckle up sweet cheeks – I’m about to get freakin’ adorable.
• You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there’s a “socio” in front of it.
• If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
• Never laugh at your partner’s choices… You’re one of them.
• It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist is afraid this might be true.
• I was going to take over the world this morning, but I overslept.
• Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.
• “I’m going to bed” really means… “I’m going to lie in my bed and look at my phone.”
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

• If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
• You’re weird. I like you.
• God is really creative, I mean… just look at me.
• I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
• My life makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.
• I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he’s still making fun of me.
• I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• I like to stay in bed. It’s too “people-y” outside.
• Home is where my pants are not.
• I’m not short, I’m a people McNugget.
• I’m in shape. “Potato” is a shape.
• I like dating older people because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments. Which means they’re ready for me.
• Sleep is my drug… my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
• I don’t think my iPhone is working. I pressed the home button, but I’m still here.
• Girl, you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.
• Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I sure do.
• The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
• Walking my dog, we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.
• Can we please go back to the main menu of life? I think I accidentally chose “impossible” mode.
• I’m not fat, I’m fluffy.
• In search of sleep, sanity, and the Shire.
• Born at a very young age.
• I deserve a medal every day I don’t stab someone with a fork.
• I like hashtags because they look like waffles #.
• I hold the key to world peace, but somebody changed the lock.
• What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
• Sausage puns are the wurst.
• If you can’t say something nice, come sit by me.
• I’m reading a book on the history of glue – I can’t put it down.
• My last words will be “I left a million dollars under the…”
• Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
• The best things in life are not things.
• Sarcasm: a way to insult idiots without them realizing it.
• My life is about as organized as a $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
• Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• i dont beleife in spele chek.
• Not all men are fools; some stay single.
• I haven’t failed, my success is just postponed until later.
• I’m already ready for tomorrow’s nap.
• Beware of the dog…the cat is also pretty shady.

• Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
• You’re right, I’m not perfect. But I’m unique!
• What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
• Throwing shade like confetti.
• The earth’s rotation really makes my day.
• I recently gave up Warcraft, so my productivity and drinking have increased dramatically.
• Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?
• We go together like drunk and disorderly!
• Oops… I used WhatsApp again!
• Oh, I’m sorry, was my sass too much for you?
• The show was called Spongebob Squarepants, but everyone knows the star was Patrick.
• The wheel’s still turning but the hamster is dead.
• You drink too much and gossip too much. Let’s be friends.
• I told the doctor that I’d broken my arm in several places. He said not to go to those places.
• Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
• Asking me if I want another drink is like asking me if I want some money.
• If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, that would be an amazing coincidence.
• Scratch here to see my status.
• There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.
• Putting the “hot” in “psychotic.”
• I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
• The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
• Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He’s alright now.
• Knock knock!  Who’s there?  Obviously not me.  Get over it.
• The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
• It’s a new millennium, where’s the “Fold” button on my dryer?
• What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man! Breathe!”
• Life happens. Coffee helps.
• Professional procrastinator.
• I woke up this way.
• Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? It said concentrate!
• Time flies after you hit the snooze button.
• Nice guys finish lunch.
• I need to go to Wal-Mart but I can’t find my pajamas.
• WiFi, food, my bed. Perfection.
• After Monday and Tuesday, every calendar says WTF.

• I’m the world’s best dentist. I have a little plaque.
• By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.
• I wouldn’t trade one stupid decision for another five years of my life.
• If everyone on Earth joined hands around the Equator, many of them would drown.
• A caffeine-dependent life form.
• I will go into survival mode if tickled.
• I like long, romantic walks down every aisle of Target.
• I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
• My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
• If I’m already in my sweatpants, I’m not leaving the house again.
• Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
• I was at a funeral and the widow asked if I would say a word. I said “plethora”. She said “thanks, that means a lot!”
• I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
• Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
• How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
• I’m a glowstick – I had to break before I could shine.
• Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
• I’d tell a chemistry joke but it’s pretty basic.
• Just keep swimming.
• Me: Did you get a haircut? Dad: No, I got them all cut.
• I’m the result of a natural 20.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• One person’s LOL is another’s WTF.
• My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
• Being weird is the side effect of awesomeness.
• Gonna be a great day. But first: coffee.
• They say I’m tightly wound, but I’m a frayed knot.
• Secretly a wizard.
• My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos, and sweatpants.
• If you message me and I don’t message you back, it’s because I fainted from happiness.
• What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.
• Living vicariously through myself.
• I’m not actually funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
• What would the honey badger do?
• I used to be indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
• Save 50% on pictures: 500 words only. Limited-time offer.
• The bags under my eyes are Gucci.
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.
• One hat says to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”
• A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”
• The bill came to $50.  The leprechaun looked in his wallet and said, “Shoot.  I’m short.”

That’s a wrap. Hopefully, our list has gotten a chuckle or two. Try some of our suggestions and see how they go over with your friends. Enjoy!

Like this kind of humor? You should check out the Prairie Home Companion Pretty Good Joke Book for a lot more of these kinds of witty one-liners.

Want more funny jokes and one-liners for your social media accounts?

Check out our list of funny names for your online group hangout .

Punch up your Instagram account with our list of funny Instagram bios  or our other list of more funny Instagram bios .

We’ve got a whole bunch of funny Instagram captions .

Hashtag time! Here are some funny hashtags for Instagram .

Have an Echo? See our list of hilarious Alexa commands .

How to Get Your Airpods to Automatically Connect

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Robert Hayes

Mar 5, 2020

Robert is a freelance editor and writer living in Colorado.

132 Articles Published

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Supreme Court immunity case: Updates of oral arguments in Trump's fight for immunity

Lawyers for the former president argue trump can't be criminally charged for any action he took in office..

• Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith has charged Trump with conspiring to overturn his 2020 loss to Joe Biden.
• Trump is currently on trial in New York, charged with covering up hush money payments made to to porn star Stormy Daniels before the 2016 election.
• Trump is the first former president to face criminal trial.

Can presidents get away with murder?

Nine Supreme Court justices heard Donald Trump’s arguments today that yes, maybe they can. 

The former president's lawyers say all presidents are immune from prosecution for anything they do in office – even murder, bribery, and corruption . The only way to hold one criminally accountable, Trump's attorneys will argue today, is if a president is first impeached in the House of Representatives and then convicted by two-thirds of the Senate. 

Here are USA TODAY's live updates from Trump’s remarkable stand at the Supreme Court .

The case is submitted

The historic arguments wrapped up after more than two-and-a-half hours of debate with Trump’s attorney, John Sauer, forgoing his opportunity for a final rebuttal after the Justice Department made its case.

Prep for the polls: See who is running for president and compare where they stand on key issues in our Voter Guide

“I have nothing further,” Sauer said.

And with that, Chief Justice John Roberts declared that the case is submitted.

--Maureen Groppe

Jackson pushes for quick, narrow decision

Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson appeared to be trying to convince her colleagues to decide the case quickly and narrowly.

If the court wanted to use the case to decide all the possible times when a president does or doesn’t have immunity, she asked the Justice Department, “is this the right vehicle to hammer out that test?”

“I don’t see any need in this case for the court to embark on that analysis,” Justice Department Michael Dreeben responded.

Barrett looks for way for Trump trial to proceed

Justice Amy Coney Barrett asks the Justice Department whether the government can get to trial faster by prosecuting only on the Trump acts that his lawyer agrees are private conduct so are not immune.

Michael Dreeben, the Justice Department attorney, said Trump’s official and private acts are part of an “integrated conspiracy.”

But he added that a trial could proceed by allowing the government to introduce anything considered an official act as information that has relevance even if not a crime itself.

Does presidential motive matter?

Justice Neil Gorsuch pressed the Justice Department on whether the court should consider the motive of a president when deciding whether a presidential act deserves immunity. Everything a president does can be seen through the prism of his interest in getting re-elected, he said.

Michael Dreeben, the Justice Department’s attorney, said motive doesn’t have to be considered for a core presidential act – such as a veto, or appointment – which is protected from prosecution.

“None is involved in this case,” Dreeben said.

Gorsuch said he’s not asking so much about Trump’s case but whether accusations about a president’s motives can be a future basis for prosecution.

“We’re writing a rule for the ages,” Gorsuch said.

Dreeben said wanting to get re-elected is not an illegal motive.

“And you don’t have to worry about prosecuting presidents for that,” he said.

Ham sandwiches, grand juries and solar eclipses: Alito has questions

Justice Samuel Alito asked Justice Department attorney Michael Dreeben if a former president should be left to the mercy of prosecutors, noting the old saying on the pliability of grand juries: That grand jurors would indict a ham sandwich if a prosecutor asked them to.

Alito asked Dreeben if he knew of a single case in which a federal prosecutor had asked a grand jury to indict a suspect “and the grand jury refused to do so.” 

Drebeen said it had happened. 

“Every once in  a while there’s an eclipse too,” Alito replied. No prosecutor wants to indict without sufficient evidence, Drebeen said, because the case would end in an acquittal. 

--Dan Morrison

More: What does 'SCOTUS' mean? Here's a brief rundown on the country's highest court.

Trump back in New York courtroom

As attorneys at the Supreme Court argued over a president’s ability to escape prosecution for official acts, Donald Trump returned to the Manhattan courtroom where he is on trial on charges he doctored business records to cover up a $130,000 hush money payment to adult film star Stormy Daniels. Trump entered the courtroom at 11:22 a.m. ET, taking a look at reporters in the audience as he walked past them to the defense table.

– Aysha Bagchi

Trump named unindicted co-conspirator in Arizona election case

Former President Donald Trump was named an unindicted co-conspirator in the Arizona fake elector case unsealed yesterday. The indictment charges 18 state Republicans and former Trump aides including former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows, former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani and attorney John Eastman.

The defendants are charged with crimes including conspiracy and forgery for falsely claiming they were presidential electors and that Trump won the state in the 2020 election. Trump was identified as “unindicted coconspirator 1" in the indictment.

--Bart Jansen

All That Jazz: Demonstrators drum, clang, and sing their views of Trump

As justices and lawyers solemnly discussed the finer points of law inside the Supreme Court, the scene outside featured the clang of bells, the shrill of whistles, the throb of electric music, and the chants of demonstrators - most of them anti-Trump.

“The whole world is watching!” a crowd of demonstrators chanted at one point. A small brass band serenaded the crowd of three-to-four dozen with jazz-like tunes.

In addition to attacking Trump, the crowd also weighed in on other issues, particularly abortion rights and the campaign between Trump and President Joe Biden. “Feminists vs. Fascists,” said one sign.

The two sides exchanged a few f-bombs, but nothing serious broke out and the dozen or so police officers who watched the proceedings had little to do.

-- David Jackson

Roberts asks what protects against political prosecutions

Chief Justice John Roberts pressed on whether there are enough protections against retaliatory or harassing prosecutions for presidents.

Dreeben, the Justice Department’s lawyer, said politically driven prosecutions would violate the Constitution.

The chilling effect of prosecutions is one of Trump’s main arguments for why presidents should have immunity.

Who are the conservative Supreme Court justices?  

There are six conservative-leaning justices, making up the majority of the Supreme Court bench : Chief Justice John Roberts, along with Justices Samuel Alito, Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, Amy Coney Barrett and Clarence Thomas. 

Thomas is the longest serving of the group, nominated by former President George H. W. Bush in 1991. Former President George W. Bush nominated Roberts and Alito in 2005, while former President Donald Trump nominated Kavanaugh, Gorsuch and Barrett. 

– Savannah Kuchar  

More: Who are the current Supreme Court justices? Get to know the bench in 2024.

Thomas raises the 1961 Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba 

Apparently picking up on Justice Elena Kagan’s earlier questions touching on a military coup in the U.S., Justice Clarence Thomas asked why past presidents haven’t faced criminal charges for fomenting coups in foreign countries, using Operation Mongoose, the failed 1961 CIA attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro in Cuba, as an example.

“There were no prosecutions” after the so-called Bay of Pigs affair, Thomas said. (President John F. Kennedy, who ordered the operation, was assassinated before the end of his first term.)

Michael Dreeben, arguing for the Justice Department, replied that U.S. law has a “public authority defense” that protects a president from prosecution for overseas acts. The defense “would prevent it from being a violation of law.” 

–Dan Morrison

Who are the liberal Supreme Court justices?  

There are three liberal-leaning justices on the Supreme Court bench: Justices Sonya Sotomayor, Ketanji Brown Jackson and Elena Kagan. 

Sotomayor and Kagan were nominees of former President Barack Obama, while Jackson was nominated by President Joe Biden in 2022, becoming the first Black woman to serve as a justice on the Supreme Court. 

J ustice Department: `Such presidential immunity has no foundation in the Constitution’

Opening his argument for the Justice Department, Michael Dreeben said the Supreme Court has never recognized absolute criminal immunity for any public official.

But Trump, Dreeben said, is asking that presidents be protected from prosecution for bribery, treason, sedition, murder and for conspiring to use fraud to overturn an election.

“Such presidential immunity has no foundation in the Constitution,” Dreeben said. “The framers knew too well the danger of a king who could do no wrong.”

Immunity for official acts versus private

Although Trump’s lawyer concedes that presidents can be prosecuted for private acts, Justice Ketanji  Brown Jackson pressed why that should be different for official acts.

“If there’s no threat to criminal prosecution, what prevents the president from doing whatever he wants?” she asked.

Sauer said the president is required to follow the law for his official acts. But the question is whether the punishment for not doing so is impeachment or criminal prosecution.

 Jackson asked how Trump's argument didn't "risk turning the oval office into the center of criminality in this country." 

--Maureen Groppe and Dan Morrison

How to watch today’s Supreme Court case live  

Cameras are not allowed inside the nation’s highest court, so there is no televised coverage of today’s oral arguments. 

But the justices and lawyers can be listened to live on USA TODAY’s broadcast or via C-SPAN. 

Coup could be an official act, Trump lawyer says

Trump lawyer D. John Sauer, speaking in a notable rasp, found himself cornered by Justice Elena Kagan as she pushed him to draw a line between a president’s official and unofficial acts.

Kagan asked Sauer whether a president could officially order the military to stage a coup at the end of their term. “Is it an official act?”

“It could well be,” Sauer replied. 

“It certainly sounds very bad,” Kagan said. 

Sauer said the Constitution and the military’s code of justice prevents “that very extreme hypothetical.”

Can presidents self pardon?

Justice Neil Gorsuch raised the issue of whether presidents can pardon themselves.

“Happily,” Gorsuch said of that issue, “it’s never been presented to us.”

Sauer, Trump’s lawyers, said if the court agrees with him that presidents have absolute immunity, they will never have to decide if presidents can self pardon.

Should trial be further delayed for fact finding?

The Justice Department has urged the court not to delay the trial further even if the justices find presidents have immunity in some  circumstances.

Justice Sonia Sotomayor appeared to side with that position, pressing Trump’s lawyer on why fact-finding questions about immunity in Trump’s particular case can’t be done at trial.

Sauer said it would be difficult to do that.

Sotomayor asks about fake electors

Justice Sonia Sotomayor asked Trump’s lawyer why he can claim that Trump’s actions were part of his official duties instead of being done for personal gain. Trump, she said, created a fraudulent list of presidential electors.

“Is that plausible that that would be within his right to do?” she asked.

Sauer, Trump’s lawyer, disputed Sotomayor’s characterization that Trump was doing anything fraudulent with the electors he was pushing.

“This was being done on an alternative basis,” Sauer said.

-- Maureen Groppe

Justice Alito stands up for Navy SEALs

Amid a blizzard of hypothetical questions over whether a president can order Navy SEALs to assassinate a rival, Justice Samuel Alito took a moment to stand up for the armed forces. 

 “I don’t want to slander SEAL Team Six,” Alito said. “They are honorable officers, bound by the military code of justice not to obey an illegal order.”

Sotomayor: 'Fundamentally evil' acts must be prosecuted

Challenging former President Donald Trump’s argument that a president is entitled to complete immunity, Justice Sonia Sotomayor said, “there are some things that are so fundamentally evil that they have to be protected against.”

“Immunity says even if you did it for personal gain,” Sotomayor told attorney D. John Sauer, president’s actions, including murder and bribery, ”cannot be prosecuted.”

-- Dan Morrison

Sotomayor brings up assassination of political rival

Justice Sonia Sotomayor goes right to a key issue that came up during the appeals court review: does a president have immunity if he orders the assassination of a political rival?

Sauer, Trump’s lawyer, said that depends on the situation, but it could well be an official act for which a president is immune.

Sotomayor said Trump wants the court to find that presidents are entitled to use the trappings of their office for total personal gain without facing criminal liability.

Kangaroo masks and revolutionary war hats

More than two dozen demonstrators organized by the group Women’s March protested Trump’s immunity claim, and criticized the Supreme Court for even considering the matter.

“We’re here to demand that they wrap this up,” said Amanda Chavez Barnes, senior program director for Women’s March, protesting that the court’s decision to take up the case delayed Trump’s trial on Jan. 6-related charges.

Some of the protesters wore kangaroo masks in order to mock the “Kangaroo Court.” They rang cowbells, banged on small drums, and chanted slogans like “lock him up!”

Just a few Trump supporters counter-demonstrated. Matthew Atwood, 62, a local DJ and classical pianist, mounted a sign describing other people as “the real authoritarians.” Wearing a Revolutionary War-style uniform, Atwood described himself as “pro-American.”

He also sought to engage the anti-Trump faction in debate, asking members of three crowd at one point, “are you better off now than you were three years ago?”

“Yes we are,” replied a Trump opponent.

Trump lawyer: Without immunity, `there can be no presidency as we know it.’

In his opening argument, Trump lawyer John Sauer told the justices presidents should be immune from prosecution because otherwise “there can be no presidency as we know it.”

No president has ever been prosecuted for their official acts, he said.

Without immunity, he continued, the threat of prosecution will “distort the president’s decision making.”

Every president will face defacto blackmail and distortion from his political rivals while he’s still in office, Sauer said.

Could Supreme Court presidential immunity arguments impact Trump's New York case?

Early this month, New York trial Judge Juan Merchan rejected an argument from Trump to delay Trump's New York criminal trial until after the Supreme Court rules on the scope of presidential immunity in Trump's federal election interference case. Merchan said Trump raised the immunity defense in his New York case too late.

If Trump is found guilty in the New York criminal trial, he could challenge Merchan's immunity ruling on appeal, and potentially point to a Supreme Court immunity ruling as a basis for re-trying the New York case.

Where is Donald Trump today?

Trump held a campaign event en route to the courthouse in New York, stopping at a nearby construction site to speak with supportive union members .

Reporters asked the former president about the Supreme Court’s immunity hearing, but his comments were drowned out by the cheers of his audience.

What are the charges against Trump?

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith indicted Trump last August on four charges, to which he’s  pleaded not guilty.

Trump is charged with conspiring to try to steal the 2020 election and remain in power by spreading lies about election fraud that fueled the Capitol attack on Jan. 6, 2021. Trump is also charged with obstructing Congress because the riot interrupted lawmakers counting Electoral College votes to certify that President Joe Biden won the election.

Protesting 'fake news' and tyranny

Outside the Supreme Court, protestors who traveled from Minnesota, Florida, and other states to register their support and concern about the historic Trump case.“Absolute Immunity = Absolute Tyranny,” reads the sign carried by Demitri Morgan, 38, who said he traveled from his home in Montana for the high court hearing.

Another hand-painted sign says “Loser.”

“Yo, fake news! What’s up with fake news?,” chanted Jim Whalen, 61, an ad salesman who said he came up from his home in West Palm Beach, Fla.-- David Jackson

Trump immunity argument ‘ridiculous’: Schumer

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., called former President Donald Trump’s immunity argument “ridiculous” and said the Supreme Court shouldn’t have agreed to hear the case.

“Today, SCOTUS hears Trump’s ridiculous claim of total immunity. He's obviously not immune,” Schumer wrote on X , formerly Twitter. “SCOTUS is only protecting Trump and slowing his trial. SCOTUS should not have taken this case or frozen the district court.”

What is presidential immunity?

The Supreme Court ruled in 1982 that presidents are immune both while in office and after from civil damages for official acts, including those on the “outer perimeter of a president’s official responsibilities.”

In 1997, the court said presidents can be sued for their private acts.

The court has also said presidents have no broad immunity from complying with subpoenas in criminal cases brought by states or the federal government.

The Justice Department has long argued that presidents can’t be criminally prosecuted while in office.

But the court has never weighed in on whether former presidents are immune from criminal prosecution.

What is Donald Trump trying to do with his Supreme Court immunity argument?

Donald Trump is trying to quash federal charges that he conspired to overturn the 2020 election after his bitter loss to President Joe Biden .

Without sweeping immunity, a president “will always be concerned, and even paralyzed, by the prospect of wrongful prosecution and retaliation after they leave office,” Trump wrote on Truth Social Sunday.

Is Donald Trump at the Supreme Court today?

The presumptive Republican nominee won’t be at the Supreme Court for today’s blockbuster arguments.

Trump is on trial in New York , charged with doctoring records to hide $130,000 in hush money paid to an adult film star . Trump also faces two other criminal indictments.

The judge in his New York trial told him he was required to be in court , which meant he was not able to attend his historic hearing.

Significance of being the first president to face criminal charges

What should the justices make of the fact that Donald Trump is the first president – former or current – to face criminal charges?

Trump’s lawyers say it’s evidence that presidents can’t be prosecuted.

“The long history of not prosecuting Presidents for official acts, despite ample motive and opportunity to do so over the years, demonstrates that the newly discovered alleged power to do so does not exist,” they wrote in their main brief previewing their oral argument.

Special counsel Jack Smith counters that the fact that no previous president has been prosecuted underscores the unprecedented nature of Trump’s alleged crimes.

Recent ruling: Supreme Court snubbed House Republicans who dodged metal detectors after Jan. 6

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