collection of queer essays by gutowitz

'Girls Can Kiss Now': Pop culture, queerness and Lindsay Lohan collide in Jill Gutowitz's new book

Where queerness and pop culture meet , you will find writer Jill Gutowitz. And it's that intersection she deftly explores in her debut book " Girls Can Kiss Now " (Atria Books, 240 pp., out now). 

In her collection of essays, Gutowitz, 31, explores cultural shifts in  pop culture , social media and the mainstreaming of lesbian culture, and how all three shaped her into the writer she is today, with a sharp wit and an even sharper pen. Between every one-liner and guffaw, Gutowitz delivers not just herself, but universal truths everyone can relate to.

"An investment in pop culture is a good thing, a natural thing," says Gutowitz. "It's having an interest in human stories."

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Gutowitz is the latest in a long line of female humorists who doesn't just make us laugh but also makes us think. Her new book shines a light on part of the female experience she is intimate with and has not seen represented enough: how pop culture and the toxic media landscape of the aughts shaped girls' perceptions. Especially hers, a gay girl from New Jersey. And while she certainly does not claim to represent everyone, Gutowitz's writing and ability to find humor in her life's experiences transcend labels. Hers is a refreshing perspective, one often overlooked.

Gutowitz takes a comedic approach to recounting her formative years in the late aughts, producing a smart, searing look at a time and place that did not bring out the best in us culturally. Social media was in its infancy then and anything went. Nothing was private and everything was fodder as bloggers such as Perez Hilton mined every misfortune for a laugh. 

"I think it kind of manifested in people like Perez Hilton, and men taking their anger out on young women in really outright malicious ways," says Gutowitz. Having grown up in that toxic environment means much of Gutowitz's humor comes from a dark place. Then again, tragedy plus time equals comedy gold. 

Gutowitz remembers the aughts all too well. "I was in high school and unfortunately, my most formative years were 2007 to 2009-ish, which was such a weird time. But I almost feel like we have actively tried to erase from our memories because the culture was so tough." 

There was a lot going on then – particularly a global economic crisis and the birth of social media. "I think that the harshness really affected pop culture in this way and everyone got really mean." Coming of age during that time was not for the faint of heart. 

It was against that backdrop Gutowitz, as a teen, was questioning and coming to terms with her sexual identity in a world that made it difficult for her. She was particularly struck by the harshness with which the media treated such stars as Lindsay Lohan.

After a meteoric rise, Lohan went through a turbulent time that included a DUI, stints in rehab and a highly publicized relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson. She became a favorite target for the media, and many critics associated Lohan's addictions and mental health issues with her sexuality.

"The conflation between drug addiction and mental illness with queerness was a really harsh message for me to endure," says Gutowitz. "I came to see queerness as something that I needed to beat like a drug addict would beat an addiction."

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Gutowitz found her worth despite the toxic messages the tabloid media projected in the late aughts.  As a result, 'Girls' is a bittersweet comedic reminiscence of what was a tragic time in pop culture. In her essays, we commiserate with Gutowitz when she waxes philosophical about the "before times" of social media in "I'm a Famous Actress, MOM!" We nod in agreement when she culls a supercut of quintessential lesbian yearning in "The Ten Most Important Sapphic Paparazzi Photos in Modern History." And we howl when and reminds us "you can't choose your trauma soundtrack; your trauma soundtrack chooses you" in the hilarious "A Britney Spears Blackout – No, Not That One." 

When asked if there's a writer who inspires her, Gutowitz immediately replies  Chelsea Handler . "I think we were both from like the exact same area of New Jersey, both Jews from New Jersey. So I felt this closeness," says Gutowitz. But it was more than that. Handler's frank and funny takes on politics and sexuality were as inspirational as they were aspirational. "I think I just hadn't seen stuff like that before. Not to say it didn't exist because it certainly did, but for me, she really opened me up to this kind of writing." 

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When pressed for other influences, Gutowitz points to not just writers but performers from her youth who influenced her writing, particularly from "Saturday Night Live." 

"Growing up I was a big 'SNL' girl. Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey , Amy Poehler and Kristen Wigg... I think I just didn't find a lot of men that funny, you know? I was finally seeing people that I could relate to." 

With "Girls Can Kiss," Gutowitz's humorous missives on sex, politics and pop culture continue a tradition of women reaching out through their own stories to give new generations a voice to relate to as well. 

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Table of Contents

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About The Book

About the author.

Jill Gutowitz is a writer from New Jersey. Her writing has appeared in publications such as The New Yorker , Vanity Fair , Vulture , and more. She lives in Los Angeles with her partner and a very small cat. 

Product Details

• Publisher: Atria Books (March 8, 2022)
• Length: 240 pages
• ISBN13: 9781982158507

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Raves and Reviews

“Fresh and witty.” — Vogue

“Compulsively readable.” — The Skimm

“Gutowitz maps the current lesbian canon with a lot of humor and more than a few wonderful, and wonderfully mortifying, personal anecdotes.” — Wired

“Comedy gold…If you were to mark every single funny thing in this book, you would mark the entire book.”—Isaac Fitzgerald, Today

“Ever-hilarious and insightful...Gutowitz explores how lesbianism went mainstream.” — Bustle

“Between every one-liner and guffaw, Gutowitz delivers not just herself, but universal truths everyone can relate to.” — USA Today

“[A] thrilling excavation of lesbian pop culture... a perfect combination of humor and sincerity, of wit, self-deprecation, and most importantly, self-love.” — Associated Press

“Hilarious… Girls Can Kiss Now is going to be one of the most important accessories of 2022.” — Glamour

"A laugh-out-loud look at the mainstreaming of queer culture...Gutowitz’s book is perhaps the definitive authority on what it means to be gay and a little too online.” — Harper's Bazaar

“A hilarious, heartfelt eye-opener, helping readers laugh, get emotional, and, most importantly, consider how the world has wronged the lesbian community and the work that still needs to be done for true acceptance.” — Shondaland

“Super-funny, personal, honest, insightful and filled with pop culture references, Gutowitz’s essays on queer culture will leave you laughing out loud.” — CNN

“Irreverent and insightful…[a] heartfelt celebration and defense of the importance of pop culture in helping queer people feel seen.” — Buzzfeed

“An equal mix of illuminating analysis and laugh-out-loud anecdotes.” — T hrillist

“Wickedly funny and heartstoppingly vulnerable…every page twinkles with brilliance.” — Refinery29

“Hilarious…Jill Gutowitz explores how pop culture has shaped society's perception of lesbianism, how it's impacted her own life, and, ultimately, what we can expect from a very queer future that's in store for us.” — Marie Claire

"Incisive and funny…Gutowitz blends candid reflections on the experience of being closeted with witty analysis on how the media affects one’s perception of the world. Fans of the personal essay will be eager to see what Gutowitz does next.” — Publishers Weekly (starred review)

"Shines with humor, vulnerability, and poignancy...formally inventive and searingly personal...A witty essay collection about pop culture and queerness.” — Kirkus Reviews

"Readers who recall where they were – because these iconic moments were lifechanging – when Orange is the New Black debuted or when paparazzi pictures of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson arguing were published will relish re-living their importance with Gutowitz." — Booklist

"Every single sentence glitters, quivers, and shakes with a kind of unhinged lesbian brilliance that is both wickedly funny and deeply self-aware. GIRLS CAN KISS NOW is not only the gayest book of essays I’ve ever read — it’s one of the best." — Gabrielle Korn, author of Everybody (Else) is Perfect

"Jill Gutowitz's brain is full of lightning bolts. I loved every word of this hilarious and heartfelt book." —Diablo Cody, award-winning screenwriter and author of Candy Girl

“Snaps, crackles and pops with sharp one-liners and biting wit. But when Gutowitz deftly uses her encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture to interrogate her own personal history and relationship to her queerness, her prose reaches a level of depth and tenderness that left me reeling with emotion. 10/10. You must read this book if you're gay, human, or both.” —Ryan O'Connell, author of I'm Special and Just by Looking at Him

“Queer social media icon Jill Gutowitz weaves pop culture, relationships and humor together in a memorable, enjoyable collection…Lesbianism and shame intersect in an entertaining, thought-provoking way in these irreverent stories.” — GMA

“ You’ll certainly be entertained, but there is a certain level of tenderness and care that really makes this book shine.” — Buzzfeed

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Girls Can Kiss Now: Essays

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Reviewed on: 12/15/2021

Genre: Nonfiction

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Featured Nonfiction Reviews

For Jill Gutowitz, ‘Girls Can Kiss Now’ Is ‘a Love Story’

Gutowitz talks to Shondaland about her new collection of essays and the value of pop culture.

Every item on this page was chosen by a Shondaland editor. We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy.

Jill Gutowitz is many things: a Twitter pro, New Jersey native, owner of the cat Uma Purrman (named by her sister), massive fan of Rachel Weisz, and one of the funniest contemporary writers out there. Gutowitz’s pop-culture musings and witty writing have appeared in The New Yorker , Vanity Fair , Vulture , and more.

But now, in Gutowitz’s debut book, Girls Can Kiss Now , she’s combined her hilarious writing with a heartfelt, vulnerable perspective about navigating her own queerness and coming out. With pop-culture observations ranging from JoJo Siwa experiencing her first love to Neve Campbell being a part of the “lesbian canon,” Gutowitz has written a supremely entertaining book that celebrates these moments. But Gutowitz also captures the ways in which society has suppressed, and continues to suppress, queerness.

Shondaland caught up with Gutowitz to discuss the need for more genuine lesbian stories, how her book is a love story, some of her favorite pop-culture moments she still thinks about, and more.

KATIE TAMOLA: When did you first pursue your love of pop culture?

JILL GUTOWITZ: I’ve always really loved pop culture and really valued it, and valued talking about it. Like I love getting into just really specific, thorough niche conversations back in the day about what Vanessa Hudgens was wearing at Coachella. It can be as small as that or as big as a cultural conversation about queerness.

I think that it kind of felt like a natural progression of what I wanted to be covering. Once I came out as queer or realized I was queer and came out as queer, I was very angry about coming to realize how few films and TV shows I personally had growing up that could have aided in and sped up my realization.

In college, I wrote a lot about music, just a blog, and I knew that I wanted to continue writing about music and film and TV. It kind of just naturally fused together because I was going through the things that I was going through, and angry about the things I was angry about. I started covering film and TV through the lens of what’s good and queer on TV and what’s been harmful in the past.

Girls Can Kiss Now: Essays

KT: How did you decide that you wanted to craft a book melding your own life and personal experiences with pop culture?

JG: I had sold the book proposal in February 2020. I was supposed to start writing in March 2020, and then the pandemic happened. The original idea for the book was supposed to be more like the kind of stuff that I have covered online, kind of like a mix between analytical and humorous conversations about film and TV and music. And then I think when the pandemic happened, like, things got heavier; I felt heavier.

There was like a huge cloud of death looming over all of us. And I started grappling with my own relationship to pop culture and how so much of it suddenly felt vapid and useless, which is something that I’ve always fought hard against. [I’ve always tried] to say that pop culture has value.

And so I think that the book kind of naturally morphed into something more serious, and the stuff that I was going through just naturally came out. I talked a lot about my past relationships and past traumas and current relationship and the pain and depression that I was in at that moment, while also getting to talk about a lot of the stuff that has impacted me in the past. And I think ultimately reaching the conclusion that I do still believe that pop culture has a lot of value and is a reflection of politics and what’s going on in the world.

KT: You begin your book with a recollection of how society has treated lesbianism over the years, titling the chapter “The Five Eras of Celesbianism,” which traces how society has vacillated between not acknowledging lesbianism to fetishizing it. What kind of era of lesbianism do you think we are in now? What kind of progress do you think is still left to be made?

JG: I feel like a couple years ago, we had really unique and good lesbian movies like The Favourite and Disobedience , both Rachel Weisz lesbian movies. I loved The Favourite so much because it was so unique, and it was super-queer. It was an authentic queer story that was also really unique and wasn’t super-traumatic.

And I feel like we’ve almost entered this lull in how genuine queer stories are. It feels to me like there’s, like, network notes of needing more queer people in more shows and films, and that we’ve gotten that. In some ways, these characters are more pervasive, but I don’t necessarily feel like they’re better.

And so for me, I would really like to see us enter an era that has as much visibility and pervasiveness of queer characters, but, you know, in telling stories that feel unique and really gay and genuine rather than superficial or like this queer person was written in to fulfill a quota.

KT: At one point, you hilariously say, “I knew what lesbians were — I mean, culturally, I was aware of them, and I had come to know that they were freaks . But there couldn’t be lesbians … HERE. Not near me. Not in New Jersey. A LESBIAN? In New JERSEY?” What would you say is your first memory of being comfortable in your sexuality, and how did it come about?

JG: I came out when I was 23, and I think that I had this feeling of because I felt like I didn’t know my whole life, and wasn’t like actively in the closet and keeping a secret, as soon as I realized this about myself, I felt like I needed to, like, get it off my chest.

I think me realizing this for certain and knowing it in my head and telling my parents and my friends — there was only like a few months between there. And so it was almost a rushed process where I feel like I have all these memories of when I first came out that to me felt very [much] like screaming from the rooftops that I am gay.

Going to Pride felt really good. Taking photos with all of my friends and posting [them]. Not feeling self-conscious like, oh, people are gonna think I’m gay — because I am gay, and now I like that about myself. That stuff felt good.

But also I look back on those moments and see so much fear still in my eyes, where I was kind of screaming about it to cover up the real feelings that I was dealing with. I don’t even know — I don’t know when I was truly at peace with myself. I think that must have been a few years after I actually came out. And I do think writing about queerness in film and TV helped me a lot, and [this is] not necessarily one moment, but I think finding a community of other queer women really helped.

Now I feel like I almost have no straight friends, but back then it was like I only had [one] queer friend. I think finding that community and just really like surrounding myself with queer people is what did it for me, what made me really feel not just okay with this, but good about it.

KT: What advice would you give to a young person who grew up feeling similar to the way that you might have felt — almost like not feeling free enough to embrace what you truly felt at times?

JG: Yeah, I guess my advice would be not so much advice, but a message that you’re going to feel okay. I think that when people aren’t ready to admit it to themselves or admit it to other people, it’s for a reason; it’s because they don’t feel safe.

I think that my advice would just be to trust that safety will come, and you will meet people who make you, like in my experience, feel really good about being queer and not afraid of it. Just trust that even though it might not feel good now, that there will be a lot of stuff in the future that will make you feel really safe to talk about it and be yourself.

KT: Your writing is hilarious but also very genuine and at times vulnerable. How do you balance vulnerability and humor?

JG: I try to do both in everything that I write, because I think that’s just natural and human. Human beings are really multidimensional, and we have the capacity to be both devastated and laugh out loud at the same time. To me, I feel like it’s not so much choosing to write something funny or it’s something vulnerable and emotional so much as, like, there’s always a natural blend for me because that’s how I feel all the time.

I can find the laughter and the lightness in things and also feel really depressed at times, within the same sentence.

KT: What is your favorite pop-culture phenomenon or current event? It can be current or like 10 years ago. For me, it’s Rihanna’s red hair and her Loud era.

JG: I feel that way about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. I was so completely head over heels obsessed with their relationship when I was a teen. I still very much feel like this is a part of my life and this is current even though it’s not, and I’ve come to realize that not that many people think about this in the year 2022. But it was such a huge obsession for me that’s just always been there. It was kind of one of the biggest queer moments for me that blew my world open as far as, like, knowing that queer women existed and could be my age, even.

A recent phenomenon that I’ve been kind of vigilantly watching and enjoying from a distance is the JoJo Siwa of it all. I feel like we haven’t seen something like this before, where there’s someone who is a huge, huge star amongst kids, who is suddenly living loudly and proudly as a queer person, and dating and going through all the motions of being a teen, and also being a superstar. I feel very intrigued by that and kind of curious to see where it goes.

KT: What is one thing you’d like someone to take from your book?

JG: I think that the book is a love story. I think I have lived through a lot of relationships and bursts of desire or whatever that have made me feel ultimately really sh--ty.

I think that as queer women we have so much poor messaging about what relationships between two women look like, whether that is like a toxic, messy, hot sh--storm or, you know, a depressing 1800s movie about two women who can barely even glance at each other and then one of them kills themselves, like something really fucked up.

I think that, for me, I would hope that a takeaway from the book would be that we should pursue love and relationships and happiness and not just the messy stuff that might feel good for a moment and then ultimately be really gutting.

KT: Are you reading anything you’d recommend to Shondaland readers?

JG: I have been reading this book called Shooting to Kill by Christine Vachon, who was the producer of Carol , which sounds like just lesbian film-nerd shit. This cover is camp. And it’s from the 1990s. It’s about independent filmmaking in the ’90s. It’s just such a time capsule of being a queer person in the ’90s, and it’s been so fascinating to hear it from her perspective. I almost feel like our writing styles are similar, where I’m reading this, and I’m just like, whoa, this feels like if I was an independent film producer in the ’90s.

She talks a lot about her creative partnership with Todd Haynes, who directed Carol . I think if you are a queer person and you really like film, this is [a good pick].

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Jill Gutowitz on her essay collection 'Girls Can Kiss Now'

Described as a “queer social media pioneer,” Jill Gutowitz is very familiar with launching some of her most personal thoughts and memories into cyberspace via Twitter and Instagram, as well as various published essays and articles. What’s not so familiar—putting these musings into book form. Girls Can Kiss now is the resulting essay collection by Gutowitz that dives into her opinions on pop culture, queer culture, and her own sexual identity. I recently spoke with Gutowitz along with Marginalia producer, Haley Crowson, about the current state of queer representation in media and what it was like to release into the world some of her raw and deeply personal experiences. Here’s our conversation.

Girls Can Kiss Now by Jill Gutowitz was published by Atria.

Thanks for joining us for Marginalia. If you enjoyed this podcast, please leave us a review.

Marginalia was produced at KMUW Wichita.

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• Haley Crowson - producer
• Karlee Cooper - intern
• Beth Golay - host

Follow Beth Golay on Twitter @BethGolay .

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Collection of queer essays by Jill Gutowitz

COLLECTION OF QUEER ESSAYS BY JILL GUTOWITZ Crossword Answer

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Five of the best books about queer relationships

From James Baldwin to Sarah Waters, writers have been telling rich, nuanced LGBTQ+ tales for decades – here are some good titles to try

C inema listings seem to be stacked with films about queer relationships at the moment. From the eerie yet tender romance in All of Us Strangers to the electric sapphic fling in the forthcoming Love Lies Bleeding, these new offerings feel refreshingly nuanced, placing LGBTQ+ characters centre stage without pandering to reductive narratives or heteronormative taste.

If you want to find such stories in your reading, too, why not try some of the following books? Whether you’re looking for accounts of seedy sexual awakenings or reflections on tormented love affairs, here are five of the best.

Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters

While many will be familiar with the title from its 2002 BBC adaptation, the original text by Sarah Waters is even more of a treat. Set in the 1890s, the story follows Nan, a young Whitstable oyster girl, as she comes to terms with her sexuality. After becoming infatuated with a “male impersonator” (what we might now call a drag king) at a local music hall, she dumps her boyfriend and plunges into a sequence of queer affairs, with plenty of drama and racy moments along the way. It’s funny, raunchy and extremely camp, but Tipping the Velvet is also a whistle-stop tour through different corners of British lesbian history, building fiction around real-life subcultures.

Paradise Rot by Jenny Hval

Rotting fruit, flies and urine may not be the typical markers of a sexual awakening tale, but somehow Jenny Hval’s strange, feverish world perfectly captures the dizzying feelings associated with unspoken, and unfamiliar, sexual chemistry. After responding to a newspaper ad from another girl at her college, Jo finds herself sharing a dank warehouse flat with no walls and little privacy; tension between the two roommates swells as boundaries break down. Like in her music , which is both uncanny and intimate, Hval’s debut novel is hypersensual and completely immersive.

100 Boyfriends by Brontez Purnell

Purnell is an expert in writing love stories for the dating app age. Despite the title, there are few actual boyfriends in this book, but plenty of casual hookups, illicit public encounters and rebounds with old flames. Over a collection of short diary entries, his unnamed Black, gay protagonists share the highs and lows of their erotic and emotional endeavours in shameless detail. It’s refreshing to read something as lewd and chaotic as a post-night-out debrief text from your friend.

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Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters

When Reese, a sharp yet self-sabotaging trans woman, receives an offer to co-parent with her ex-partner and his boss-turned-lover, she is initially sceptical, but the opportunity to finally become a mother is too appealing to decline. As the three lay the foundations for their non-nuclear family unit, they navigate the confines of prescribed gender roles, catty fallouts and unlikely bonding. Though there are traces of romance in Peters’ debut novel, it’s the non-romantic queer relationships that stand out most, such as the friendship of the two mothers-to-be, the enduring affection between exes and the gossip-laden camaraderie among trans peers.

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

Despite being written in 1956 – more than half a century before most of the books on this list, when homosexuality was still criminalised – Giovanni’s Room is a story of queer desire, identity and loss that still feels pertinent. Gazing out from his bedroom window one night, the protagonist recounts his short yet fiery fling with an Italian bartender in Paris while his fiancee is out of town. It’s burdened with feelings of shame and the outcome is tragic, but tender moments including bashful bar exchanges and chemistry-charged taxi journeys bring warmth, thanks to Baldwin’s vivid storytelling.

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• Sarah Waters
• James Baldwin
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